Problems with jealousy, misandry and self image

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I have had severe problems with misandry, jealousy and bad body image lately.

Every time I hear anything about public nudity or see a woman topless in an ad, like the ones for breast cancer with women in body paint or Jenni Farley's NOH8 ad, I worry my boyfriend will see it, fantasize about the girl, want her more than me and think of her when we're intimate. It has gotten so bad I don't even want to go to the beach with him this summer.

As for misandry, I feel like all men don't really love their girlfriend or wife, and would rather have some celebrity or stranger and they think about those women during intimacy instead of their significant other, wishing their SO was someone else. And that whenever they see a woman topless that's who they'll think about instead of their SO the next time.

As for body image it all has to do with my small breasts. I won't write more about that can of worms.

I think part of this is because my sister has large breasts she got early and men always stare at her in public. Nobody even looks at me twice. My mom said when men stare at my sister they're memorizing her to fantasize about later, maybe while they're with their girlfriend or wife. But after ny boyfriend and I had an argument after I blew something he said about topless rights out of proportion, she said "How DARE you compare him to perverts like that?! To people like [the town sex offender]?! !! !"

I feel horrible when I feel this way toward or talk about these things with my boyfriend because really he hasn't done anything wrong. I've even asked if he fantasizes about other people when we're together. He denied it and I believe him mostly but, again, he's a man.

I guess I just need to vent about this and get some advice. I can't talk to my mother or sister about it anymore.

Although many men will take notice when they see someone physically attractive, do bear in mind that for the most part it is NOT true that men's attraction to women is based solely on looks. Only the most shallow of men will have a stronger desire to be with some stereotypically attractive celebrity they have no personal or emotional connection with than to be with someone they've gotten to know and like and have formed a real emotional bond with. That said, it doesn't mean they won't notice another attractive girl -- but when they do, it's often a superficial thing that doesn't carry a lot of significance.

As for men "memorizing her to fantasize about later..", such men may exist but I'm quite sure that in most cases that statement is not true. It sounds as though your mother has an overly negative opinion of men in general; you should be careful not to let that bias you too much.

All that said, there are shallow, narcissistic men out there... and the concerns you raised may be more correct for them... but many men aren't like that, and some who seem a bit shallow at certain times still aren't usually like that. It's something to watch out for, but you shouldn't assume it's the norm.

Glambert, remember I told you before those aren't real portrayals of people, these models and bodybuilders you see on magazines use all kind of supplements, drugs, surgery and photo editing techniques, some of them push it to extreme lengths to get to be where or how they are.

When you see one of those boflex or old spice commercials on TV, do you endlessly fantasize about the men in them, and want them more than your boyfriend? If not, then I think you know already how your boyfriend feels when he sees those women on TV. Will he be attracted to them? Sure! Will he fantasize and want to leave you for them? I'd bet a pretty good penny the answer is no! I think that your views on men are highly skewed, and that may be causing some of your issues. For one it seems like you focus 100% on the physical side of things, but there's much more to a person than their outer appearance. Appearances may attract a man initially, but it's the personality and intelligence that keeps them with you.

I don't know exactly how to respond to you, other than saying I know how you feel to an extent. My reason for coming here today was to make a post myself about a similar topic.

When I was younger, I experienced extreme jealousy n the form you talk about here. Through many fights with my now ex - I became ok in the jealousy area. Maybe you will pass through it over time.

As for body image - that is a toughy... as it is part of what I had wanted to post about today. My sister is off the charts beautiful - always has been. I have always been conditionally pretty. Such as needing to be anorexic before my double chin disappeared. Went through anorexia counseling at age 19 and have gotten heavier year on year since. Now I struggle to lose the weight. My body is beyond damaged due to being heavy and pregnancies combined. When I lose weight... I am not beautiful anymore anyways... It hurts.. These issues go right along side the fact my breasts were never the same size and I was insecure there too. I always wore one silicone breast on one side to even them out.

Maybe you can get these silicone bra/bikini inserts... they feel real to the touch. http://www.amazon.com/SILICONE-BREAST-E ... B0064WEYBE

My family doesn't tend to understand me... I can't talk to them either.. they always seem to understand what I say different than I mean it and it is highly frustrating. So I can relate there too...

I think until your boyfriend gives you a reason not to trust him... you should open your heart and trust. He wants you - small breasts and all.. or he would have walked away by now. I think there is more to love than desiring a body type... some men run after the model type.. but some don't... some actually want the love bit more. To me... it sounds like that is how your boyfriend is.


Thanks for sharing... sorry I am not more helpful.

@Valkyrie I'm lucky because I am beautiful besides the fact my breasts are tiny and don't balance out my bottom. I did but some inserts and they're excellent; thanks for the tip.

When you are committed to someone, the physical appearance of others becomes decoration, whether good or bad.
We all tend to look at decorative or beautiful things - a sunset, flowers, a baby laughing, a hawk spiralling, without wanting to possess or interact.

Behaving jealously is like wielding a water pistol full of sewage -
"come closer so I can unload my bad feelings on to you. What do you mean by backing away?"

You are not responsible for your boyfriend's thoughts or behaviour.
Infidelities real or imagined are his problem.
But they are far less likely to occur if you concentrate on being the person he met and was attracted to.

I swear I've seen this exact thread somewhere else before... word for word.

Either way, the first thing you need to do is punch your mother square in the jaw for filling your head with complete crap - both about your body and about all men in general... it's all completely false.

Not sure what you're expecting to get out of this topic that wasn't said a million times over in the other dozen or so threads you've made about your breasts.........

You're constantly taking your own personal insecurities and obsessive thoughts and projecting them into others.

FYI - i moved all of the replies from the duplicate thread to this original thread.

I talked to my boyfriend about this yesterday. Turns out he is insecure too, about his penis. He said we're "perfect for each other" because we've both sort of walked in each other's shoes. Ironically, it was when I was telling him I didn't want to go to Victoria's Secret with my sister and mom and, trying to make him understand, asked him to imagine if men had their erect size tattooed on their faces, and his was an inch but all his brothers were seven and above. He got upset and said "I know I have the smallest in my family", and I felt really bad. But what he said afterward, that we' re perfect for each other because we both have some insecurity, made us both feel better. Then later I told him in our state, Ohio, women can go topless on any beach because men can, which he said was disrespectful to the kids and taken women there and I agreed. Then I started to fret about what if he wants some gorgeous topless girl more than me, what if she talks to him, etc. He said "You have to get over this. I love YOU - and I'm not going to leave you. " [sic] So I guess, with him, I have to forget EVERYTHING I thought I learned from exes, the Internet, and a mother who has been screwed over by too many guys.