Young adult treated like a perpetual child

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I'm really just tired of being treated like a child; by my mother, my younger sister, and my father. All I seem to hear from them are words of belittlement, rarely encouragment. I'm told to "grow up", however, the moment they see me struggle, they step in and complete a task for me rather than letting me figure it out myself. They criticize me for being unable to hide my emotions, yet they tell me it is okay to be angry or sad and expressing it is okay. They want me to get a job but tell me I'd never stay employed for very long. My father makes fun of me for not understanding certain figurative language or how I flap my hands when I am excited. My mother wants me to be sociable, not realizing how difficult it is for me, and on the rare occasion I do go out, she behaves as if I am going to allow the first man I see to violate me despite my past and the fact that I am quite possibly the least promiscuous female on the entire planet! I apologize for the rant. I am just incredibly frustrated at the moment.

I get the general impression your family members are giving mixed messages. It may be because they simply do not understand the complexity of your situation and bounce back and forth between either treating it like you are incapable or nothing is really wrong. I think its pretty common with people in general, not to understand the middle ground of Aspergers.

Your father's teasing however is thoughtless & unkind. I don't know how your communications are with your parents, but if you can, let your father know he is hurting your feelings, either directly or thru your mom perhaps. He may well correct it, once he realizes what it is doing.

Yes, you are right in that the best help they can be is supportive of your efforts. Like when you teach a kid to ride a bike, at some point you must let go. I am not sure they know you have Aspergers or not, but in general talking about the issues with them, having good lines of communication open helps.

Your family needs to learn more abot your Aspergers syndrome, they seem to think they have to do everything for you because of it, and yet your dad makes fun of behaviors you can not control. If your dad refuses to grow up and stop picking on you, and your mother refuses to except your social limitations, you should try to shock them into listening, for instance go up to your parents and say in a firm tone of voice "I'm fed up with you two treating me like a child, and yet asking me to grow up, I do not appreciate it when you make fun of me or fail to accept my social limitations, I want you to accept who I am and stop trying to force me to be someone i'm not" If they keep up the behavior then you'll have to have another talk with them, but the one time only could work

Dear Nasha66,

Your post brings back all manner of unpleasant memories.

I do not know how abusive and/or dysfunctional your family is, but your father sounds far, far too much like mine. My father had a nickname for me which he coined while I was a toddler. I did not like it. At age 5, I asked him to stop using it. At age 33, I finally realized how to make him stop, and that was by making up a rude nickname for him, mocking his weight problem, and using it every time he used his nickname for me.

Family situations should be able to change as people grow and relationships move from parent/child to adult/adult. The dysfunctional family crystalizes and the child is never allowed to move into an adult station.

My very harsh advice for you is to get out. Until you prove that you can survive on your own, your parents will insist that you can't. I joined the US Navy, which may be a bit extreme for you. But try to find a way to move out.

Sincerely,
Ikari Gendo