A seeming desire for self-destruction

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This is an old theme of mine and sometimes things happen that remind me of this. I just wonder if I'm going to get myself killed one day or something. Does anyone else have this problem? It's more than just self-sabotage, it's doing things that may cause a situation beyond repair. I'm not saying this for people to feel sorry for me or anything, I have lived with this for some time, but I was just curious if others understand this at all.

Sounds like you have too much anxiety and are burnt out. Don`t be too hard on yourself.

I had this recently. I just stopped caring. It was partly OCD. I was so fixated on hurting myself and causing myself certain problems that I just didn't care about any consequences. I had to act on my obsession no matter what and I was motivated. I put so much energy into finding the right pills.

My clomipramine was increased from 100 mg to 150 mg. That did the trick. Therapy didn't work because when I was in the midst of it I didn't want to get rid of my obsession I just wanted to act on it. My therapist tried to get me to think of different things but why? I agreed with my obsession. Medication was needed.

Now I'm thinking more clearly and suddenly I do care about the consequences so I'm not hurting myself or doing stupid things anymore. It was like I was drunk and my inhibitions were down but with the medication I have the common sense to make better decisions.


I'm not sure what's the cause of your issue or if it's the same thing. Do you care that you might get yourself killed? Do you want to stop the self-destruction or do you agree with it? If you want to stop therapy could help. If you're so stuck in it that you don't even want help you should talk to a psychiatrist anyway. It sounds scary that a pill could make you see things in a completely different light but even if you don't think it's better it probably is.