Should Be Happy, But I'm Not.

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Hi, I'm new to the site (even though I've been coming here for years) and I have a problem that is getting bigger by the day.

About a week ago, my family moved from Chicago to Virginia Beach for a business opportunity. While I was excited about the move and working and living here, ever since Day 2 of the move, I've been having overwhelming feelings of sadness and fear.

I have feelings like this a few years ago just before Christmas. I read a small part of a book about 12-21-2012 and about the end of the world. I didn't think about it again until my family was coming back from seeing the play "Spamalot" (I know, weird time to have feelings like this). That's when the feelings began. I thought I had the beginnings of depression and after a few days of feeling like this, I finally told my mom, who I'm very close with and has had her own bought of depression, about what I was feeling and she told me it wasn't depression I was having, but rather anxiety because of what I had read. She is really into New Age and spiritual types of things and told me about a few things I could say to myself to help these feelings go away. Though they did help minimize the feelings, they didn't completely go away until I went back to college. Since then, every time the feelings start to come back, I just say these things and they go away. But like I mentioned earlier, the feelings have come back and this time, no matter how many times I say what I have been saying, they are not going away.

The second night that we were packing things to move, I had a dream that my family was at a hotel and playing outside in the pool when suddenly some planes flew over us and began dropping bombs. I saw bodies flying everywhere before looking over and seeing a bomb land next to my mom, blow up, and kill her. I was dragging her inside the hotel behind my brother, who the entire time was telling me just to leave her, when I woke up. Ever since then, the feelings have come back and they are stronger this time. When we arrived in Virginia Beach, I told my mom the feelings again and what caused them and she said that the move and my lack of a schedule have caused my anxiety to come back and recommended that she use hypnotherapy on me (she licensed to do it). When I told my mom that I was having feelings that I made a mistake in moving here, she got agitated and told me that it was because I hadn't gotten out and done anything yet and spent all my time hold up in the house (the only reason I have been doing this is because of these feelings). But now these feelings are starting to scare me. I'm starting to think about suicide (something I would never consider doing in a million years!) and I'm afraid I might do something drastic if these feelings don't go away soon.

Please everyone, I need advise and I need it NOW

I'm sorry that no one has replied in a while.

It sounds to me like you are struggling with really intangible stuff that can drive one crazy.

My question for you is, do these feelings make you have to DO something to get rid of them?

Because if you're getting annoying feelings and intrusive thoughts that you can't get rid of, and you have to do something to nullify the thoughts or feelings, it's a form of OCD, which can be brought on by the stress of a move like that.

I had feelings that wouldn't go away and thoughts that I couldn't get rid of, and it made me VERY depressed. The worse thing was the stuff I had to do, like say things, or repeat things, in order to feel better.
In fact, I still struggle with this.
I'm not trying to diagnose you or anything, but it sounds like the typical but really sneaky development of OCD: obsessive thoughts which lead to comforting actions, which then become full fledged obsessions with compulsions.


Also, you might just consider that your brain is working out stress in your sleep. This happens to me too. Whenever I move somewhere or get really stressed, I have vivid dreams and I sleepwalk. Once the stress is gone, or after a few days of being in a new place, the dreams go away and I don't sleepwalk.

You might just try giving yourself a few days to adjust, and don't be hard on yourself.

Hope this helps!

Hey everyone, here is an update on my situation:

I'm no longer having those obsessive thoughts or the feelings of sadness and fear, but I still can't shake the feeling that I made a mistake coming here, especially in light of recent events.

When we first got the idea for this business, I was originally going to have a general manager or vice president type of role with duties that included helping interview people for jobs in our business, helping put together our website, helping organize events to promote our business, and help my mother (who is the owner) in the day to day operations. Then we decided that if would be better if my brother, who has studied computer programing and website design, design the website instead of me. I didn't mind giving him that job, then my mom began passing more and more duties onto him so now he is the general manager of our business and I'm the office manager (which I actually prefer anyway since I'm more of a behind-the-scenes type of person). But now my position is so low with that they have barely any use for me. I'm only at the office three or four hours a day and I hardly do anything at that time and when I ask if there is anything they need me to do, they say no and just ignore me. I came here to help my family and I gave up everything I had in Chicago to do so and now I just feel like I'm a burden and a nuisance to them.

Which brings me to another problem I'm having.

In an effort to meet new people here, I joined an anime club in the nearby town (Virginia Beach has an anime club, but from I've heard and read on the internet, it's a club in name only; they very rarely have meetings and the few times they try to throw together an event, it always falls apart at the last minute). It takes 45 minutes to get there every time the club has a meeting, but we only meet twice one or two Saturdays a month plus we have a lot of activities throughout the year that are near Virginia Beach. I have already meet a lot of new friends in this club and I always look forward to a meeting or an event as they draw near.

The problem is that the quickest way from Virginia Beach to the town where the meetings are held is by highway and my mom and brother don't think that I'll be very good at driving on the highway, so my mom and brother have to take me there (they usually go see a movie while I'm at the meeting). Lately though, they've both been complaining on how much of a hassle it is to take me there, so I've been looking up different ways that I can get to the meetings without taking the highway and I've found two ways that I can drive to the meetings and get back home safely. But every time I try to bring it up with my mom, she brushes me off and tells me that she and my brother will take me like they always do. I done everything I can think of, including begging, to convince her to let me drive there, I even offered to let me drive the three of us there for my next meeting and back so she could see that I could drive there safely, but the answer she always gives me is no. And during my meetings, my brother keeps texting me and asking when they can come and get me (the meetings start at 4 and end anytime between about 9:30 and 10). At the last meeting, he starting doing this an hour after I got there and kept going once every half hour until I finally left the meeting.

Guys, I could really use some advice right now. Things are about to boil over for me and the only thing I want to do right now is pack up my things, throw them in my car, and drive as far away from my family as I can without telling them where I'm going (in fact, I've already decided that as soon as I save up enough money, I'm finding an apartment or small house of my own and moving out). I know my family worries about me because of my AS and I'm not saying that I'm perfect cause I'm far from it, but I feel like I'm going to loose who I truly am if I stay in this house much longer.

What do you all think I should do?

Perhaps its the drastic change in your surroundings and your having issues adjusting to those changes. It tends to get rather difficult adapting to new surroundings.