Even though I've had some successes, my life has been very hard for me. It really feels like I missed so much growing up and that I am now an adult, who feels quite empty.
I've never had a high school girlfriend and sometimes I wish that I can just relive my life and correct the many mistakes I made as a teenager. I just can't get my head around the fact that I am nearly 31 and haven't even kissed a girl. It's made even more painful by the fact that I have a cousin the same age, who has been married for two years and now has a newborn daughter.
I am at an age where many girls expect that I have some sort of "life" before they even consider dating me. I want someone to love me so bad, but I'm afraid that this will not happen until I get the career that I am no longer sure I will ever get. I feel like I'm doomed to live in a limbo, where I witness everyone I grew up with getting married and having happy lives, while I have worry about barely surviving off my disability support payments.
The current state of my life definitely hasn't had the best effect on my mental health. I don't think I have full-on depression, but there are definitely more and more days when I am feeling quite melancholy (and yes, I have talked to my doctor).
I've always maintained hope that things will improve for me. However, there are days when I wish I just had the courage to ask out that girl I hung out with on the student council (who is now engaged to someone else).
21 Mar 2013, 1:19 am
