Made a decision.

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Okay so, generally speaking I don't have a problem with strictly platonic female friends.

I used to have 3, but then two of them went and complicated things when they decided that they wanted something more.


Girl 1: The first one, I had thought was really cute but never asked her out because she had a boyfriend, though me and her did talk about the fact that we were both attracted to each other physically, it never went anywhere because she was with some one. me and her talked a lot about Art and music and school and all kinds of things, and eventually following her having a messy breakup with her boyfriend, she intimated that she wanted to start a relationship with me, I was of course ecstatic because I found her cute and she knew it, everything seemed to be going well. But then the other shoe dropped. It turned out that what she was doing was starting a sham relationship with me, in order to piss her Ex off so he'd want her back.. and of course it worked flawlessly and I got completely burned by the whole thing, and to make matters worse she then completely slandered me and started calling me a creep because I was still trying to talk to her/text/message her the same way that we had been prior to her getting back together with her Ex. In otherwords, I had served my purpose and now I needed to f**k off.

Scratch 1 "Semi-strictly platonic" female friend/ Girl #1

Girl 2: The next one more or less started the exact same way, She stated upfront a sexual interest in me but I turned her down because she was already exclusive with another guy.. I told her that I wasn't interested in being her second boyfriend, and so we agreed to just be friends. But as she was having trouble with her boyfriend, and at the time was telling me it was all his fault... but she was very supportive during my problems with Girl 1 even threatening to go and beat her up since "I'm the only one who can abuse you like that!". Over the next few months me and this girl got to be VERY close.. often sending each other text messages way late at night and generally became each others support and therapy networks. She basically became a surrogate sister to me because of her helping out with my mom who was ill. Needless to say when she called me in the middle of the night needing to get picked up from her boyfriends house I went no questions asked. Within a few months of this me and her were going out, she intimated that she was ready to turn over a new leaf and clean up her act and wanted me to be a bigger part of her life since we already knew we really liked each other.. and though I wasn't initially sexually attracted to her when we first met it didn't take a lot for me to become so. Soon she was talking about wanting to marry me and we even got sized for rings and I had begun paying for them when all of a sudden she broke it off. she'd fallen off the wagon and gotten back on pills, and the person who she was buying them from she had had a huge crush on for years and so they hooked up and she dumped me ostensibly to "Protect me" from being hurt.. but in reality she hurt me so much more badly than Girl 1 did that I don't even feel anything except antipathy to Girl 1 now. I honestly hate Girl 2 to the point where if I saw her on fire, I wouldn't waste a drop of piss to put her out.

So that leads me to Girl #3, who i've known longest of them all and who I never felt any real sexual interest in and who is married and has been for nearly 10 years. She's also the only one that I don't really connect to on any sort of personal level, I don't feel right in confiding problems in her, and frankly she doesn't seem to come across as caring much. All she really wants to talk about is books and writing, which is fine, but makes her a bit difficult to speak to sometimes.

I just find it rather peculiure that the only one I wasn't sexually interested in, is the only one that I'm actually "Friends" with.. but the other two were both seemingly using me as a Plan B. In otherwords, they were Jennies to my Forest.

So, from now on, if I'm sexually interested in a girl/woman, I have no intention of becoming her "Friend" I will simply state my interest up front... and if she rejects me or says no, then I simply will have nothing more to do with her. I don't want to have any more opposite sex friendships turn into the clusterfucks that 2 of my 3 have. I don't think I could ever emotionally go through what Girl #2 put me through again... I came so close to hurting myself that my mom even called the cops on me and they nearly hospitalized me for observation.

If I happen to become friends with a girl who I have no romantic/sexual interest in, that's awesome because talking to women-friends is a good way to get a new perspective and they often have the best dating advice... but becoming friends with a girl who either has sexual/romantic interests in me, or I have them in her, seems to be a recipe for disaster... I don't want to do it again. If a girl comes up to me and has interests in me, but is seeing some one else, I'm still going to turn her down, and then not encourage her to still be my friend.

This may be limiting my friends pool a little bit.. but I don't want to be put in a position where I can be taken advantage of again... and this way at least if there is no sexual tension between us.. we might be able to be real friends rather than the false friends they turned out to be.

All relationships that are worth anything will eventually result in some form of heartbreak. IMO, you should focus on learning coping skills for this rather than limiting your social and romantic options.

Girl #1: Told you she's attracted to you while she had a boyfriend.
Girl #2: Drug addict that tried to cheat on her boyfriend with you

All you got was a big helping of "Told you so" from the Universe.
I'm only being so harsh because I've been through the exact same thing, only worse, and more than twice. You need to learn from this, there are girls out there who have no concept of commitment, love, boundaries etc...
They've shown you that they were terrible girlfriends in the beginning, it's your fault for trying to change them.
"Can't change a ho into a housewife"

I think you guys are misunderstanding what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is, from now on, if I'm attracted to a girl, I'm simply going to ask her out, and if she says no, then thats that. I'm not going to try and then be her friend.

Basically what I'm saying is, I can only be friends with girls I don't find attractive, since it's not worth the trouble of dealing with girls who I do find attractive and "Just being friends"...

I knew what you were saying, but my comments were based on the tone/subtext of the post; something you needed to hear.
As for this most recent post, I agree. I find that I can be friends with an attractive girl for only so long, there's always that one awkward (aka sexually tense) moment when you hangout, then it's all downhill; perhaps uphill if that's what you're looking for heh.

Well to be fair to the second one, when she propositioned me she did so with the understanding that if I wanted to become a sex partner, she simply wouldn't go exclusive with the other guy she was also having sex with. I told her that I didn't want to be one of many partners, and that it had to either be exclusive with me, or she would have to write me off as a partner. So she did the latter and we effectively became friends, but there was also a MASSIVE amount of sexual tension between us and we only really started to become "Best friends" after we had finally had sex.

The first one was just a b***h who strung me along in order to piss her Ex-Boyfriend off until he got so jealous he did whatever it was she wanted in order to get back with her.


I mean, I suppose you're right but I don't see why the Universe would be 'Telling me so' as the universe pretty well doesn't care. If it cared what happened in my day to day life, I doubt it would have made me so socially inept... and if it did that on purpose just to see what would happen, then it has waaaaay to much time on it's hands..

I don't believe it was literally the universe, just a little saying.
I've had my fair share of these experiences, and the only thing I've learned is to avoid these types of girls like hellfire if I'm looking for anything more than sex; hopefully you'll learn the same before you mess yourself up anymore trying to fix them into girlfriend material.

Well it's just lead to me making a separate decision. I will no longer, under any circumstances, associate with anyone involved in any kind of illegal drug scene.

Basically I've had to add yet another "Requirement" to my list of potential partners, and thus limited my dating pool even more. It's amazing how widespread the act of buying a lortab off the street is and not thinking anything of it. Those are controlled substances for a reason, and if Advil isn't fixing your problem maybe you should see a doctor. I should also probably add a "Don't get involved with anyone who's not been single for more than 2 months" rule. since that will help rule out some of the rebound effect I seem to be getting hit with.

What's really bad is both of these people basically were my friends first, came on really strong to me as potential girlfriends, intimate contact was initiated by them in both cases, but as soon as I'd made them feel more confident or more attractive or whatever it was they needed.. an ego boost or something.. they went back to just how they were before.

I kinda feel like I'm a recovery tank in a toxicology experiment or something.

Both "rules" that I have also added over the years.
My most recent ex had been on coke for a few months with her ex boyfriend, and I accepted that since she never does it anymore, and was pretty much completely straight edge.
The second we break up, she's getting drunk and high with a bunch of coke heads... Sooooo, yea.

These type of girls function on gratification, short term gains; hence the drugs, need for compliments and ego boosts etc.
Just shrug them off. Have sex with them if you want, but if you fall in love with one I will not be there to comfort you with anything but "Told you so"

Unfortunately I did that with the second one.. and I did it in a huge way.. and I think for a little while she felt the same way.. since she was the one that brought it up.. But by the time the end came she had clearly decided it was not for her.. yet.. and actually tried to put me back on the back burner where she had me before.. knowing full well she'd taken things way to far for it to work that way this time.

I hate to say it but right now.. I'm not sure if I could fall in love with another person. It's just not worth the risk of getting hurt again, yet at the same time I hate being single. I feel as if my purpose is being wasted by being single, because ultimately I know that my academic achievements, or financial achievements or my achievements on world of warcraft.. all pointless in the grand scheme of things. The only thing that really matters to the natural world is if I reproduce... and so I feel that if I give up on the possibility of that.. even though I'm no where near ready for that kind of thing.. I am effectively giving up on my life.

rabbittss, I'm doing the same exact thing pretty much. It's not worth all the annoyance and time-wasting to be friends with someone you're attracted to. Just isn't.

Lol I had like 400 days played on World of Warcraft.
Quit that s**t, you won't regret it.

I apologize for butting in, but there is more to leaving one's legacy than creating offspring. Anything you write, anything you say, anything you publish will leave marks upon the world, either in writing or in the memories of those that you encounter, that will last for a very long while, if not forever. You can reproduce your ideas, your creativity, your problem-solving, your memories, and your perspectives without reproducing your DNA.