I embarrassed myself in public.

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Yesterday at the library, I broke down and started crying all because they'd filled in my request for an inter-library loan and gotten it all wrong. What I'd asked for was Japanese-language novels for an intermediate-level learner but with young adult/adult subject matter, but it takes more than that to please a picky reader like me... they pretty much included everything I didn't want, such as crime fiction, historical fiction, translated English novels, manga and one book intended for little girls that was filled with cutesy illustrations and gender stereotypes, and I just burst into tears because they'd gone through all this effort for me, only for me to reject it all and not gain anything. And I made myself look like a freak in the process, as well...

My pickiness is one of the things I hate the most about myself. It's part of who I am, but it can get in the way of my life, and I thought I'd grown out of emotional breakdowns years ago. Has anyone else had something like this happen before?

yeah. usually over problems with my food - like when I'm in a restaurant and the cook/waitress gets my order wrong.....

partly I get upset because I don't want to have to call attention to the problem, but I have to if I want to eat there cause i have a lot of food allergies/insensitivities, so it's pretty important that I don't eat the wrong thing,

and I also get upset partly because I'm usually hungry at that point (otherwise I wouldn't be about to eat) and for me being hungry or low blood sugar or whatever it is makes me more susceptible to melting down, however quietly I try to do it, it's still a meltdown,

then I melt down even more because i feel ridiculous - "it's just a messed up order, they can re-do it," my logical brain says, but it's overpowered by my completely illogical meltdown brain.

Oh, don't worry Yayoi.....you needn't be embarrassed. In fact, I imagine those whom you interacted will forgot soon and it won't matter in the long run. And you're not a freak, I promise.

I have meltdowns over the inconsequential things. Isn't that the crux of it? I am a logical person, by nature, and then a relatively minor thing can trigger a meltdown. Once I could not find a train station after dark since I have been there only once before. For me, I simply cannot tolerate being lost. Unknown to me, I was only 2 blocks off my given pathway. I started crying so hard. My tears wet the map and I could not see. Then I was nearly frantic. Fortunately, an older couple offered me a ride. As soon as I was back to my flat I was alright.

Ironically, I travel well. In fact, I arrived back from London yesterday where I navigated the city streets alone and walked to and from the conference centre, etc. As to your post, I have no explanation other than we seem to process stress/frustration differently than another.