not sure where to go next

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So, I'm happy to say I'm getting my feet on more solid ground, after going through a challenging period. Over the last two years, I've survived several health scares, real health issues and near-death experiences, made peace with the end of a long-term relationship I'd thought would be life-long and started working through issues from my rocky childhood without having a breakdown, which of course, is all great.

I'm finding out, though, that when I'm not distracted by dealing with some sort of crisis, my life's gotten to feel pretty empty. As things are starting to settle down, I'm waking up to notice I have a job I'm losing my passion for and where I don't have much security, but don't feel like I have many better options for making a career change. I don't like where I live, but can't afford to move. I'd like to start dating again, but don't feel I know what I want out of a relationship right now. I've lost touch with friends and family, but don't want to let many of them back in after they let me down while I'd needed them. And, I could go on like this ... I feel kind of lost and trapped at the same time.

It might be that I'm looking for them more, but lately, I also feel I'm being bombarded by reminders that life is short, whether it's having test results come back telling me I don't have a progressive and debilitating disease and feeling like I got a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, family members asking me when I'm going to get married and 'settle down,' working with clients who are dying, etc. This past Saturday, I was walking out of the post office and actually thinking again about how short life is when I heard a loud noise and witnessed a small plane crash at a nearby airport. It was a horrible scene and the pilot didn't make it. The next day, I read in the newspaper that he was only 30, my age.

I'd like to get my act together and figure out what I 'should' be doing with my life, but I'm hitting a wall. Do you guys think this is something I'll just figure out in time or are there steps I could be taking to facilitate the process? Now that things are starting to look up, I feel pressure to make up for lost time, not waste more of it.

Good questions. I wish I had the answers. You sound clear-thinking enough. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

Shhh! Don’t tell the kids this, but I think that dilemma is universal and absolute. And I think that your stumbling on that thought is part of what they call “wisdom.” But don’t worry – a new crisis will pop up somewhere.

There are always steps you can take, but figuring out what they are can be a challenge. I'd say the first step would be looking at your job, since that is directly responsible for two issues you listed (lack of passion and location). Without knowing your background or experience, I'd suggest looking at jobs that wouldn't require you to gain any additional education or experience, basically a lateral shift. Or at most, maybe a 1-2 year degree or certification program that you could work on co-currently with your current job. Having a good job can make all the difference in the world, so I think that I'd focus on that if I were in your shoes. But keep in mind that, in reality, most people are not truly passionate about what they do, they just use it as a means to an end to be able to live independently and afford the things they want/need. I'm sure that there are plenty of options that you either haven't looked into or haven't considered.

As for the rest, I can't offer much input on those.

Thanks, I think you're right. The funny thing is that right after I posted this, I heard "Let it Be" on the radio and it served as a reminder that sometimes I need to try to let go and take things as they come. I think I've just been having trouble making sense of and adjusting to recent shifts in my life and need to trust I'll be able to do it, in time.

Edit: Well, you really were right. Just went to the doctor's today for a follow-up visit and learned that a nurse had previously given me incorrect information before. Now, I'm not sure what's going on or what to do next. It's just always going to be something.

Some days are better than others, but you never really get finished.