Dealing with people who have negative attitudes?

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There are a couple of people in my life that seem to be completely incapable of saying anything that is positive. I get the impression that they love talking about everything that they see that is wrong with the world, and about all of the "horrible" mistakes that random people around them are making.....

It has gotten to the point where I cannot stand to be around these people. Hearing the nonstop string of negative comments that come out of their mouths literally is making me cringe. I am trying to work on my recovery from addiction and I am trying to deal with my own resentments, and I am doing my best to look for all of the good things in the world around me.

There is one woman in my life in particular that I am referring to. She is opposed to letting people with any kind of disability find jobs, because that would be "putting false hope into them and convincing them that they can do things that they really cannot do". Of course, that's probably her excuse for not trying to find a job for herself..... yes, I do recognize, that was a judgmental statement. She talks about things that she saw people doing at the gas station several days earlier, and a part of me thinks that she embellishes details to make things sound worse than they actually are (such as this - "A young woman kept her car running while her smoking boyfriend was pumping the gas, and they had small kids and pets in the car! God, I can't believe how stupid people are!," and she would keep going on about this for half an hour when I keep trying to change the topic).

The serenity prayer means nothing to her, obviously.

I have contemplated severing ties with her, but my family is encouraging me to continue to enable her negativity. I know, I am the only person in the world she talks to on a regular basis, and it would "break her heart" if I started creating distance between myself and her. But I don't see why it should be my responsibility to be her emotional venting machine, especially when she is taking no steps to improve her own life. She is extremely comfortable in her anger and negativity.

So, how should I be handling this?

I've ran into negativity in real life and on the internet. One thing that helps me deal with this is I mentally put those people in my "broken" bin. Constant negativity, as I understand it, is a symptom of bipolar disorder. They can't help accusing people or finding the bad in everything so boom, in the bipolar bin they go.

I've had to deal with people like that before, some of whom are in my immediate family. I've also been like that before on occasion. What I usually do is just tell them "Look, I really don't want to hear anymore negative stuff today ok? If you can't say something that isn't negative, then don't say anything to me right now."

Or you can just be busy when she calls or something like that. You could schedule a time to see her and decide beforehand how long you'll stay and what you'll put up with and then stick to that schedule. Know going into it that it's all going to be negative and prepare yourself for it and just don't pay one bit of attention to anything she says.

Good luck, those types of people are what I call "death crows". They wouldn't know something good if it bit them on the *ss.

Get rid of negative people. You can't afford to keep them. They'll destroy you. It's like trying to live with an alcoholic and it's just as destructive. Save yourself.

I just try to avoid them if possible. Unfortunately some of my family is like that (though only slightly negative I'd say, it could be much worse). Still I find spending too much time with them doesn't feel good and isn't doing me a lot of favours. The more time you spend with positive people, the better you'll feel and you'll feel more positive as well.

One thought my therapist told me regarding this.....

I just might have a tendency to focus on the issues that other people are (or are not) dealing with, as that is a distraction from taking care of myself.

I get frustrated when friends and family talk with words that are poisoned with pure negativity, because I want to do something to "help fix them". The only person I can really work on "fixing" is myself.

Dealing with this will take more than severing ties with the negative people in my life. It will require that I make a real effort to change the way I think and live.

Go figure.

Agreed. My mom is one of those people with TOXIC negativity. If I didn't visit her, no one would! I found myself doing the same thing as her until I finally understood what I was doing and how much people hated it... I make a conscious effort to be less negative now - friends are easier to make & keep because of it.

This thread is heavily ironic, for more reasons than one.....

I had to get rid of someone being negative all the time, he was my friend and I still feel a sense of guilt to have "rejected" him but he just couldn't change. He was certainly a nice and cultivated person but everything in him and around him was so dark, gloomy, sad. After some months I started to be drained and it went crescendo until I felt totally "vampirized" and had to take a decision. I thought about my own health and balance and completely cut contact with him. Maybe what I've done is unfair, rude or whatever... I don't know... but I think I've done the right choice anyway.

Believe me, I am aware that this thread is more than just slightly hypocritical.

The things that many people tend to strongly dislike in others do tend to be the things that they strongly dislike in themselves. I am not perfect enough to be above that.

Hey I can relate, I know how it gets at that point when being in recovery. I was at one point really irritated with everyone around me and it still happens, but a lot less now. It really does get better, and the healthier you get, the less those unhappy people will be interested in you. When I was working on myself, my old friends simply lost interest in me and moved on. I was very hurt by it, but now I understand why. I'm happier now finding better people to socialize with. Remember the serenity prayer, it's helpful.