Face someone who tried to convince me to commit suicide

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This happened quite a long time ago, yet I still remember it so clearly. My grandmother tried to convince me to commit suicide. She was nice enough to offer me a full glass of water along with the bottle of medication. I was just so horrified she would do something like that, that I did not react. Sometimse I wish I had because when I didn't, she only laughed and mocked me about it later.

The thing is people seem to think that this was all just a joke, I suppose. My brother insists on inviting this woman to his wedding. I have seriously about not attending myself, since he seems to have absolutely no regard for my feelings and prefers her over me. However, it seems that not attending is not an option for me. My parents would not allow it! My mother feels the same way about it, and does not care how I feel, either. This is just so hurtful to me that the two people I love most do not care what I feel. I try to keep in mind that I can not abandon my pets, therefore I must not die. Although I have to admit that celebrating my next birthday the way Elizabeth of York celebrated her last birthday has seemed an attractive prospect to me for a while lately. I'm already looking into who my belongings will go to. Incidently, my birthday is in a week, just a week and a half before the wedding. I don't want that woman here for my birthday! I don't! And I most certainly don't want anything from her!

However, that would be allowing that woman to win over me, in a way. What I would like most is to see to it that as long as I remember it, then so must she. Trying to convince me to commit suicide was not the only thing she did to hurt me. There are actually many more. There must be someway I can settle this score. I suppose I could show just how much I despise her, but yet that doesn't seem enough. It must be something she could not forget. Ever.

I know people will be amazed at how I can hold a grudge this long, but I just can't help it. I've tried to forget, but when I see her again, it all comes back. And perhaps I shouldn't forget. If I did, perhaps I would be allowing her to do something far worse to me.

Confront here and tell here how you feel. There is no reason to hold anger inside.

Take this up as much as necessary with your parents - it's not their place to force you to act natural around this sociopath, and this seems like the time to remind you that people on the autism spectrum have loads of valid reasons to be argumentative. The path of least resistance here certainly doesn't sound like going to the wedding. If you still get stuck there, call a ride in advance and sneak out. Having your family mad at you is nothing compared to dreading yourself for not just leaving. This is all about the path of least resistance.

Go.

Attend the reception.

Bring her a perfectly normal glass of tea, just to watch her drink it.

Then smile and look at your watch.

I have never been one to pretend. When I like or dislike someone, I simply show it. I don't know why my parents are so big on pretending. Isn't it much worse to fake something you don't feel? It's gotten me in trouble more than once.

Would you believe I've actually considered that, and given it quite a bit of thought? I can't use my own prescription meds, that would be dumb, but I suppose some otc ones could do the trick. I wouldn't give her a high enough dosage to kill, of course. I don't believe death is a punishment. However, if it could be something to give her such a scare. I've researched some options, including diphenhydramine, and even looked into some plants such as lily of the valley and belladonna to name two. They were used as anesthetics. They could be such good muscle relaxants that perhaps in a good dose might make someone so sleepy and perhaps unable to move well. I've read some of them cause a type of out of body experience, and photophobia due to causing pupil dilation.

Why, if I gave it at the right time, she might be unable to come to the wedding. What worse punishment could there possibly be for her than to miss the wedding of the first of her grandchildren who is getting married? She would never forget it, just as I have never forgotten the things she's said and done to me.

I agree wholeheartedly that you should not have to deal with this woman ever. But at the same time, co-existing with her at a family event does NOT mean she is winning you over in some way. If there is nothing you can do about the situation, it takes nothing away from your anger or how justified it is.

Also, a sad fact that I don't understand but know to be true as my family has proven it to me over and over, People like that are so sick in their own way, they tend to not remember the hideous things they do. Confronting them with such issues only ends badly for you. They insist that you either made it up or that you are the one who is completely insane. Nothing is ever gained by it. You will just be hurt more. My advice is to ignore this waste of oxygen at the wedding, if she comes to your birthday, refuse to speak to her or open her present.

It sucks that people like this have to exist, and even more that people like your mother and brother can overlook the despicable things they do. Just hang on to the fact that while you can't do anything about their continued existance, nothing can make you change how you feel if you don't want to.

When I said "perfectly normal glass of tea" I meant "perfectly normal" - no additives, no drugs, nothing except water, tea, and maybe some sugar and lemon.

It's like the guy who tricked me into eating a bug when I was 7. I attended his graduation party a few years later. After lunch, I walked up to him and asked him if he liked that burger I'd prepared for him, and then just stood there smiling. At first he didn't make the connection, but about a minute later, he got all grossed out and "tossed his cookies" over the back fence.

Even though I had not prepared any food for anyone that day, twenty years afterward he still insisted on knowing what was in his burger.

Sometimes, it's not what you've done, but what people think you've done (especially when you've done nothing) that makes all the difference.

I would say considering the circumstances you have every reason to hold a grudge for so long....that is not the type of thing you forgive and forget. Your best bet probably is not to interact with her, that's not letting her win that is preventing her from hurting you any further, with people like that your best bet really is to do your best to cut them out of your life.

Not sure this would happen, some people have a hard time letting go of false beliefs but your family needs to understand the sort of thing she did is abuse, not a joke. Encouraging someone to kill them self is not ever a joke, its dangerous, damaging and yeah not funny or to be taken lightly. It is not your job to act natural around a mentally abusive person grandmother or not, its your families job to call her out for her abuse......but since they wont it appears you have to and I'd say the best way to do that is cutting her out of your life. And when it comes to discussing it with your family just be firm about the fact you don't want any more of her harrasment in your life you don't have to try to convince them as they might just try to convince you otherwise.

But if that is not a option for the time being, I would say if you do have to be in the same place as her do your best to avoid her...and if you do interact don't say much especially not anything she could try and use against you and walk away if she starts trying to get to you. Aside from that if things continue like she tries to do more harm or wont leave you alone you might have to take legal action. Not so sure what to do with not having much support from your immediate family.

I cant really recommend what i would want to do in your situation and that's the best I can come up with besides that.

This seems like a good place to point out that I wish I ducked out of every wedding I've ever been to (as a guest). Extended family and/or step family is never simple for anyone on the spectrum, and you seem to have better rationale for that than practically anyone.

You've actually got it right right there. She says she has never done anything to hurt me or anyone. Quite the contrary. She's quite the saint. She insists that I am making this up, or simply imagined it. I asked her to leave me alone once, and when she asks me why, and if I did not love her anymore, I answered I did not, and told her why. She was in tears. I'm quite proud that I did because she would not leave me alone. She kept calling me at work, insisting that I go see her. I had to do something! Since then, I have made up my mind never to see her. It worked for a while, but she will just not give up. I've already made up my mind I will not accept anything from her, whatever it is. But every time she's in town, my mother insists that I should be nice and go see her. It ends up in an argument all the time, me insisting I will not and I have a right to choose who I see and I don't, and my mom defending her. And after all the things that woman has said about my mother and her family! Never to her face, of course, but to me behind everyone's back. I will not get into that because some of them were very hurtful.

I'd be willing to be anything that Marie Fyodorovna never said such things to her granddaughters about her daughter in law or called 'the German' or 'the Hessian witch' in front of them, about her daughter in law with whom she never got along and sometimes even almost despised. Or even that Louise of Hesse-Kassel said such things to her grandchildren about their mother, Lovisa of Sweden, whose life she and her daughters made just about impossible, probably because Sweden did not help Denmark in the war with Germany, and Louise would have preferred an English bride for her eldest son.

Sorry. I tend to take things literally sometimes.

Have you told your mom any of the things your grandmother has said about her behind her back to you? She might like to know that her mother speaks badly of her behind her back? Or would that just end up with her accusing you of making it up?

It would be truly awful if she indeed offered to help you commit suicide. But some things you say brings some questions to my mind.. and I want to ask them to maybe put a perspective into your thinking that maybe you have not considered...

I am curious about the context around her offering to help you commit suicide. Were you depressed? Complaining how horrible your life was?

Because we aspies can miss context and get a situation quite wrong. I am not trying to say your perception of how you see this situation was wrong... But maybe the context of the situation is missed by you and her reaction to the situation was one to say fine.. you are so unhappy... just do it... in NT worlds that would snap someone out of it. But in an aspie world.. it is abusive and hurtful because we do not see the context around it leading to misreading the intent. (not that I agree with her methods at all NT or not!)

I will give you an example that was brought to my attention in my own life recently.... So you can see first hand what I mean.

Me and my boyfriend had just had one of the most brilliant conversations of all times. I spoke well.. confident... I was informative.... at the end of it he said "well that was different"

Immediately I went into crisis mode... how was it different? Different good? Different bad? Should I not talk anymore? Was I bossy? Did I not let him talk enough...aaaahhh.....

When I asked him how different? He was shocked and said.. "baby! I just got done telling you how much I enjoyed our conversation... I said how well you did!... I finished by saying it was different... I thought you would understand because of the previous context of my first statements... different good!! !"

That led us to another discussion on how many mix ups and bumps we get... we realized it is because I am missing the context that is quite obvious to him and completely missed by me.

So - your grandma swears it never happened like you said... so maybe it didn't? Maybe in her view point the context is well placed and for you the context is missing...

This is just a thought... Something to consider... I hope you don't take it badly... I hope it goes ok for you at the reception.

As for your family choosing her over you.. again... I think they see you as melodramatic and over reacting.. if they do not realize how differently you perceive the world... or understand that you lack context.. and a whole range of the aspie/autie issues we face... they are going to just "bend your will" in your eyes... while in their eyes you are completely unreasonable.

They are measuring you with an NT yardstick... they will not ever understand you as long as they do...

You don't even own a yardstick to measure them by... so how are you to accurately measure them? You measure with an aspie yardstick which is not even close to being the right length or color or distance. You can't measure accurately.. you are left to measure by how you measure the world... which is not right either.. so you are left hurt and feeling abused and outcast....

and the circle goes on...

Hope that analogy helps you not feel so hurt so often.

My mom and my brother do know. My brother says it's in the past and doesn't like conflict. My mom kind of says the same thing. She does believe me, but insists that she is not in a position to do or say anything about it, and I should forget it.

This happened when I was around 7 or 8 years old. What happened was that I didn't want to play with my cousin. My grandmother has never admitted it, but everyone knows who her favorite grandchildren are. I just have never been fond of my cousin. We've never been able to get along. We have next to nothing in common, and I don't really feel any special affection for her, to tell you the truth. At least nothing like my cousins on my mother's side. I've always loved them. I can't even remember fighting with them once. I just never really felt like fighting with them. My grandmother has always disliked this. I think she doesn't like me having any affection for my mother's family. She was very mad because I didn't want to play with my cousin, and started saying things like I had to love my cousin because our parents are siblings and stuff like that, and how was it that I got along with others and not her, and we were arguing. I left and went outside for a little while when I then saw her coming towards me. I didn't think much of it until the approached me and offered me the glass of water and bottle.

I admit that I have tried to commit suicide before. The very first time was when I was 15. I was very depressed and spent days without coming out, eating, and speaking to anyone. This was years after my grandmother tried to convince me.