I feel like a failure...

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As some of you know, I was booted out of my student teaching for circumstances beyond my control (which, incidentally, had to do with aspects of my Asperger's). Initially, the college officials were going to fail me, but I found a way to drop the class so that it wouldn't harm my 3.6 GPA. In exchange, I have to take three classes to replace my student teaching and will therefore graduate in August instead of May.

But that's not the main issue here. The main issue is how all of this is making me feel.

I know that it's wrong of me to feel this way, but when I see all of my NT friends posting on Facebook about their graduation plans or about how they got accepted into that prestigious graduate school, it makes me jealous. I feel like complete and utter sh*t because they're able to succeed where I failed due to my disability.

I wish I didn't have to be this way. I probably would have been a great teacher if it weren't for my social and attention deficits. I HATE being different. Everyone seems to be proud of their Asperger's, but I wish I didn't have it. It has ruined my life's work. I had wanted to teach children with autism since I was 8 years old, and now that I'm 22, I have learned that my disability is not going to let it happen.

I'm currently talking to a therapist, but I don't see her very often due to my family's stupid insurance. ($60 copay? My dad works 5 jobs to keep us afloat!) I just wish I had someone to talk to - someone who understands my current state of self-loathing.

Maybe someday I'll accept my Asperger's, but right now, I wish I didn't have it.

so, what will your degree be in? what are your options?

My degree will be in special education, but I will not be a certified teacher.

I am looking into my options, but they all seem bleak to me.

sorry your plans aren't working out. I have some idea how distressing that can be. I lost my profession due to AS. one thing I learned from that, though, is: a second degree is easy to get just by taking just the courses required for the major. that didn't quite work out for me either, but it might work for you. now I have an okay job in an entirely different field.

could you be a teacher's aide and maybe by getting practical experience work up to trying student teaching again?

also, in PA, we have a job called wrap-around. wrap-arounds mentor troubled youth one on one. the requirement is a college degree in a related field.

just a few ideas.

Thanks for the encouragement and ideas. I'll be sure and give it some thought.