What can I do to have an identtiy? Please help me

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I have no sense of self. I get extremely influenced on by other people, adopting the thinking tendencies I think other people have. I have never known how to think for myself. I haven't been able to own a basic one because I was born with LFA, though I got early intervention and now I'm seen as being in the HF range by everyone. But I feel like I've had so many issues in my life that have slipped under the notice of my parents and several therapists that have been in my life because I didn't express it in the typical NT ways.

I couldn't name one interest I have. Not one song, not one movie, not one field of subject, not one book, that I have found on my one that wasn't fed to me by my parents. I have hardly even had my own thoughts in my life, not let myself be open of acceptance and love when someone gives it to me. I have never even been open to my own feelings, to think myself into a self, to know how I really feel. I can never sustain a true feeling for too long. I have always put myself into a corner. Or I force myself to think a certain way so it seems and feels like I actually like something, but if I have to force it then it's not my true self.

I feel so sacred. I have always felt selfish and in my own world, only occasionally having glimpses what it would be like to have the mind of an NT, to not have a lonely one track mind, to really empathize with others in a way that's meaningful and doesn't just make me cry from being overwhelmed by them. I always claim to myself that I love my family, but I see I have never really felt any true love, I faked it for myself because it's written in stone in our culture that you are supposed to, so I made shallow attempt all my life. I feel like I'm just selfish in so many huge ways that are not even understandable to anyone else. Hitler probably had more love in his heart than I do.

I don't know what to do about this. I can't live like this anymore. I can't get a therapist because they're too expensive and we have no insurance, and they don't even help me. I want a job but who would hire me, especially on a economy like this, I'm more likely to die by lighting. I can't go to school because that costs money and it's been too long since I really went as a true student, my mind is undisciplined. The last time I was in a class (4 months ago) I had a panic attack within 20 mintues , crying, and never went back again.
I feel like redevelpod more autistic issues since teenhood.

How do I find things I really, truly like? My mind is too rigid to really like anything without forcing myself to. And I'm not going to take antidepressants. I have been on them most of my my life, and when I quit I felt like I had reawoken from a long drawn coma. I feel like I need books, but what if they influence me too much so I adopt another personality that isn't me at all?

I'm sorry this is so long but I need to let this out so nothing is misunderstood. I don't have good writing skills to express this otherwise.

Well, maybe write a book?

Naturally, you're pulling the plot, characters, etc from your own mind; so maybe this will help in that regard.

You're stuck in a rut. You need to expose yourself to new ideas, new experiences on all levels; physically, mentally emotionally and spiritually. Try to think of new things to do and learn about. Something as simple as picking a random book off the shelf at the library and reading it, no matter what it is. If you hate it, then you'll at least know there's something in this world you DON'T like. Or try a physical activity for a week, like jogging or yoga. Or attend a church service. Or watch a kind of movie you don't normally like, like horror or romance. Again, it's OK NOT to like whatever you try, because it helps you figure out what you DO like later on.

You could experiment with many different things until you find things that you like.