could someone please give me some advice

Post Reply New Topic

sorry for the longish post..... so for the first time in almost ten years, i can honestly say i feel happy and confident. i'm honest with my emotions. i've lost over sixty pounds using the SCD diet and i exercise daily. i quit using drugs and alcohol over the last two years, and i've also decreased my meds slowly over seven months and now i don't take any drugs of any kind. i get trimmer by the day. clear headed. when i have a bad day, i'm patient with myself and i get back up......my social interactions are really improving too.......finally....i ask about other people's lives and i'm friendly and try to make people smile and laugh (and i succeed sometimes ) ..... im on SSI and have a very small income (but no job), a car, and i'm still living at home because i get overwhelmed easily (and then communication suffers) when i'm out of my element. when i'm "in my element", for lack of a better phrase, i can carry on conversations, and i can make people laugh and stuff.... something i couldn't pull off 2-3 years ago. i do anaerobic excercise daily and try to be a better person every day...practically everyone i see lately tells me about how good and healthy i look. my parents even commented on that about a week ago. they used the term "glowing". i feel like i'm finally breathing fresh air....

as i weened off of 2400 mg of lithium carbonate daily, i've seen the return of my emotions (sometimes they are strong), and my creativity. but finally, it's like, i can handle the negative feelings, you know?

so then one day, after some family friends are over out our house, and i had a good interaction with them (at least that's what it seemed like), my mom says she hopes i'm being geniune when i'm just being myself........my new and improved self.....i feel immature and idiotic for b*tching about my parents, but it was kind of insulting. they also give SO much unsolicited advice that interaction becomes difficult sometimes. when i try to talk to her about it, about how her words make me feel, she gets really bent out of shape, and tells my dad and then he gets bent out of shape. i guess i'm too intense or something.

it's like... i love them (and vice versa), i really do, i can relate to them, and i feel for them, so much.... they are kind and gentle to everyone....and very sensitive... but it seems to me they are also very repressed and don't have many friends..... my dad and i are even going on an out of town trip to see a concert soon....but when i have a bad day and just need someone to listen to me to me vent a little, i tell my mom, because she knows me best. she tells my dad, and they both accuse of me being paranoid and manic, and tell me that they are worried about my health and that i should be taking "a small" amount of medication. what happened to me "glowing"? i'm not down to controlled by them when i've come SO far. and i make that well known to them. and i'm not at all sorry about that.

despite my tiny income, i've been searching for a place of my own (i've been relentless in the last couple of days!). every time a potential tenant hears i get SSI from the state, their tone changes and they talk to me differently. and when i tell my mom this, about how people talk to me out in the real world when they hear about anything that could point to a diagnosis, she doesn't engage with me/doesn't take me seriously/acts like i should just cave to it. after all, she tells people about my diagnoses anyway. i know, she told me so.

we just need to breathe new life into our relationship by having me out of the house. my parents and i are so much alike in many ways....but it's like we just don't rub off on each other the right way. the last step to a normal life for me is a steady job, a place, and hopefully.... a circle of friends. DVR wouldn't help me get a job cuz of my lack of work experience. last job i had i was sign shaker on the side of the road, and had to quit cuz my joints hurt from the continuos motion. the electrician i was working for before that stopped calling me. i tried to teach guitar, but the multi-tasking and communication was too hard to feel confident doing so. i'm a good writer, but it seems unlikely that anyone's going to read an autobiography from someone who lives at home and i'm no good at fiction or journalism. i took a programming class, but it was too anal for me to really enjoy. the list of my career aspirations continues on and on and on.

i cannot afford to be carted off to the mental institution a second time and fed medication that i definitely do not need. maybe it was right the first time, but not now. i feel like no one will step up to the plate and defend me. can someone please give me some advice? thank you!!

i mean they are so fragile.......my parents..... i tell them i love them (as in "i love you") and write them nice birthday cards...... but they can't imagine that they might have a negative effect on me sometimes, by talking about my diagnoses and personal life to people.... and the endless advice they give.... it's like they can't even understand so they try to tell me what i should and shouldn't do as a defense mechanism or something.....it's not my job to try and manage the emotions of my parents and ensure that they feel actively appreciated day in and day out.... is it? i'm busy with my own life.....fact is i'm independent (almost) and that's how i am... i'm not sure i can just tell them like i've laid it out here because i don't think they would be ready to hear any of this and would try to take action and i just won't have that..... i wonder if they are simply addicted to being my parents...... how can avoid getting sucked into this.....

As frustrating as it is living at home with parents who don't seem to "get" you, it sounds like you are on a good path right now. Congratulations on the progress you've made so far! That is awesome.

First, the prospective landlords who change their tone regarding your income might be doing it because they may not be legally able to accept you as you may be considered subsidized housing, though I'm not sure of your situation exactly. If it is purely a matter of income, some may need a certain ratio of your income to be dedicated to rent. For example, they may not accept anyone who doesn't make at least enough so that rent only takes up a certain percentage (say, 30%) their monthly income. They are viewing it from a liability standpoint; someone who has less to begin with is more likely to fall behind in rent in their eyes. It's sucky, because for all they know, you could be the most responsible person in the world, and your income shouldn't matter as long as you pay your bills on time.

Do you have someone who is willing to cosign for you? It's a good idea to have 3 months (or more) worth saved up, so you can show a prospective landlord that you do have a security net saved up.

Have you considered going to school at all? Perhaps a local college where you can live on campus? (I mention that because you say you have quite a dew career aspirations, so it might be worth a look to see what programs are offered.)

thanks. yeah....it was actually a perspective tenant, i think there was a landlord above her.... i canceled meeting her today because she seemed less than jazzed when i told her stay home a lot and that i got SSI. didn't seem like we were starting on a very positive note.

maybe subsidized housing would be good stepping stone, i did that once.... a couple years ago the social worker at the respite house i was staying at after i was released from the mental hospital got me into a place. i just wonder if that might land me back in the grip of the mental health system again. i guess there's only one way to find out. hmm.