Parents kicking me out and I have nowhere to go!

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I'll keep this short: When I was around 13, my mom saddled me with the stepdad from hell. He treats my sister like a queen, but he is just a bully to me. (ridiculing me, calling me a loser, etc...) I don't understand why, I try to be respectful but my mom always takes his side on everything though he is a complete idiot. The whole marriage is a codependent nightmare!

Anyways, we found out that he hasn't payed the mortgage for 2 years and now we are facing foreclosure. Also, he has been making my mom pay all other expenses (food, water, utilities, etc...) while he has been lying about the mortgage and hiding money. It looks like we will be seperated from the family home we have had since 1989. My mom has informed me that when they move, I cannot come with them because the stepfather doesn't want to live with me anymore. The worst part is she already told me that she'd let me live with her, but that deal now is nonexistent. "well you should be old enough to move out" is all they say, knowing it doesn't make any sense.

I'm in my 20's, and i'm finishing up a computer science degree at university. I wish I was ready to move out, but the rent around here for a single room is way out of my price range, even while working a part time job. Basically, I will become homeless.

I feel like my mom is choosing my stepdad over me, and I feel very resentful. I'm almost at the point of cutting them completely out of my life for good. The only thing stopping me is the beloved family dog, which I could never cut out. Sometimes I feel like the dog is the only thing that loves me. Anyways, sorry for the long post, i needed to vent. Have any of you ever had this kind of situation? have you ever considered cutting family out of your life?

My dad treated me quite badly when I took a year out of my studies when I was 19. It was just arguing all the time, and my Mum took his side mostly. I only had the cat at the time. I don't think my situation was as bad as yours because I made up with my dad eventually.

I hope you are able to find a place to be that is comfortable and supportive for you. You will need a housemate, really, to share with. You could always try advertising for one and interviewing people (which is very daunting). You might have to leave the dog behind, though. :

my mom kicked me out when I was 19 you need to talk to student housing and they might could help you. Also if you're in the US you can use student loans to cover housing.

He hasn't paid the mortgage for two years and has been lying to your mother about it and now you are all about to be kicked out, and she is still going anywhere with him other than in front of a judge to get a divorce? Sweetie, if she is that delusional about him at the moment, where she cannot even see this horrible thing he's done, she isn't thinking straight and she's probably running on auto pilot because she may feel that if she makes things run smoothly then they will be better. That doesn't work at all but it may be something she has to go through before she gives up entirely.

If I were you I'd tell her that you love her but you aren't going to have anything to do with her while she's with him. Tell her that when she leaves him, your door is open to her but not until.

I would talk to someone at your school about the situation and also look for ads for roommates. I don't know where you are but in many cities there are motels and such that rent by the week, month, etc. I don't know if people can still stay at the Y but there is always that possibility. You might also call your local "crisis hotline" - in some places they are the "suicide hotline" and one that has a local number is best. Those are usually ran by United Way and they have all sorts of listings of services and programs that most people have no idea about. See if you can locate your closest United Way Information and Referral.

I don't know if you are male or female but if you are female you could call a womens shelter. Explain your situation and that while you aren't exactly a victim of the usual type of domestic violence you are the victim of the domestic abuse that your stepdad did to you and your mother by the lying about the house. You could also go to a mens homeless shelter and talk to them if you are a guy but I'm not too sure you would want to stay in one of those.

Good luck and start making calls. Be firm about not having anything to do with them until this is resolved and he's out of the picture. As long as she is able to your mother will be trying to pretend that everything is ok or to shift blame etc. With you out of the picture she has less places to shift it

The OP's profile says male

Thank you everyone for the advice. I ended up talking it over with my mom and she said she would have no problem with it, under the condition that I convince my Stepdad. I am trying to read up on how to convince stubborn people. If any of you have any advice on that front, I'd appreciate it!

My fathr kicked me out of the housse when i wás 17, and I ws hoemless for almos half a year, spnt most nightts eithre sleepin up in a tree (only if it wsnt too cold) or undr a lean-to in th woods with a fire, and onl way I stoped bein homeless ws by buildin myself my own sheltr which I have expandded on and which I liev in to this day. I thinnk the only way I wuold have been alowed to go bak home was if I beged, but I wasnt goin to do that, too pruod - and I knew beging wuoldnt always work with my father, so didnt try for that reason too. Since empathy and apealing to mercy was the only thng that might have worked for me, I sugest you do thatt if he is so stuborn - otherwis I am not suer what elsse wuold move him short of some soirt of financial arangement.

Sounds like an high caliber individual.


Offer to pay rent.

Money talks.

I know exactly how you feel.
My brother sexually assaulted me and my parents after sorting it out with my brother told me to "pretend it never happened".
He still does it verbally instead of physically till this day and of course my parents tell me it's all in my head.
They just can't deal with the fact that their son isn't an angel.
I felt like the only family I have was my cat, but he ran away too.
I can't wait to move out myself.

Glad that your mom agreed you could stay.
Your stepdad would have to be a heartless bastard to drive you out.

Thanks for all of your kind words! Whenever I have a problem, I can always turn to the WP community for support. I really appreciate it.

Offer him money, even if it's only $100 a month. Since it seems to be going straight into his pocket, that might be enough to tip the balance. Good luck!

Plus maybe if he thinks about how much more you will be earning after you get your degree he will see dollar signs in his future if he plays his cards right at the present time.

Look around your university for shared house rentals or even student dorms. You can also contact some fraternities since sometimes they will have the option of renting a room for a short period of time to help out other students in need (until you find a permanent place).

Resources you may not think of to help you find a place to stay:

Priests (they know..oh they know)
University mental health counseling center (the staff always has contact info for stressors such as these)

Anni: That's horrible . You really need to get out of there.

Just thought I'd provide an update for everyone that has offered advice:

I ended up talking to my stepdad about the situation, and he said he'd be willing to consider letting me move with them. It wasn't an easy convorsation to start. (considering my problems with communication) I just thought, well what do I have to lose by asking? I expected to be shot down immediately, but he was actually quite sympathetic to my situation. He basically just doesn't want to fully support me anymore, which is fair enough. I just need to get a job in order for him to consider.

I just received an offer for an I.T. position and I have an interview with the firm on Monday. I hope I land it. Thanks again to everyone, You all are amazing.

I would not live with him, or with your mother if I was you. I move out of my family's home when I was 19, just because I was bored of out my mind.... it was messy for a minute. At the end I settle with an older man who became my bf, but I broke up with him. I then went homeless (my choice so I could lose weight... it was 10 days), but that's not recommended because college would be hard. I would put adds on craigslist to be a stay at home girlfriend or live in girlfriend, to that extent. I also get a lot of options too in my choice.

Now, I realize I could get free rent from anywhere really... but I just bought my house (from savings since I don't believe in rent....), and going to college.