My best friend is growing distant from me...

Post Reply New Topic

I'm so lonely and sad. I wish she at least had the courage to say she doesn't like me anymore instead of ignoring me. She hangs out with a new crowd now and our close friendship of 4 years has faded over the past 6 months. Why am I not worth more to her?

The older I get, the more left out I feel. I'm trying to meet new friends, but it's becoming more and more difficult. Or rather, I'm noticing it more; I'm not as naive as I used to be. I'm more aware.

Well, you'll always have WP ;p

Maybe see if anyone from here lives near you?

Thanks, Zodai.
.
It's so frustrating wanting to be alone but wanting a deep connection at the same time, you know?

I know the feeling all too well.

I wish you luck on finding and meeting new friends. Hopefully you'll eventually meet one that you can deeply connect with.

Shouting for help and expressing your grief works, or so I've found. People are indifferent, but being vocal about your loneliness should attract the kind of attention you desire.

I was in the exact same place 2 weeks ago. My best friend of 16 years decided to just walk out of my life and find a new bunch of friends overnight. Honestly I have been caring and tolerant to her selfish ways, but it looks like that wasn't good enough for her.
I used to have what I consider a lot of friends, about 20-25. Right now I have 5.
I know what you mean when you say it's getting more difficult to make friends. I feel like everyone else is so immature and irrational, it's hard to find someone who isn't.

I've found that being vocal about loneliness is often the way to drive people away as quickly as possible.

Kouzoku, I've had similar feelings about my group of friends recently. Over the course of a few years they all just kinda moved about and started spending time with different people and I got pushed further and further to the periphery. So I've thought about this a lot. I actually don't think these things are usually conscious decisions on the part of the people involved (not that that makes it feel any less crap). People are inherently selfish and if they perceive that it is to their advantage to move on from a friendship they usually will (I don't claim to be insusceptible to doing this). So either she perceives some great advantage to hanging with these new people and slowly lowering the level of your friendship or something about your friendship caused her to not want to stick around (this does NOT mean it was necessarily your fault).

I think in my case people got tired of being around me because, to be fair, I was probably quite tiring to be around. I'm not awesome at hiding my feelings and my feelings were bad for a long time. I feel a bit disillusioned about it because I thought that some of those friendships were a little deeper than that but I can't really muster any feelings much more unpleasant than apathy toward the people who don't speak to me any longer.

I share your feelings about it being more difficult to make friends. When you're in your teens and early twenties there are a lot of opportunities to meet new people but those dry up as you get older.

My best friend as a kid got mad at me in high school when I embarrassed him one day (without realizing it, of couse) and has hardly talked to me since. He definitely doesn't go out of his way to say hi.

If I did something to hurt her, I am not aware of it. Nothing out of the ordinary passed between us. Honestly, I think she's "outgrown" our friendship. She was not a selfish person in the past, at least when it comes to people, and that one reason I loved her. She was kind to everyone and open minded, yet able to stand up for herself when necessary. We have a lot of common interests and were very close. She told me that I "taught her a lot about what it means to be a human," probably referring to watching me deal with adult struggles and being intersex. She is 23 and I am 31. We have a large age gap, but she is very mature and acts more like someone my own age.

I think maybe she is losing her "innocence". She's growing out of her younger and naive years and learning the ways of the world (and tbh most NTs, though I really hate generalizing like that). This change has really been happening over the past six months. It's obvious that she prefers the company of others to me now. We don't have mutual friends since I don't care for the new crowd of hipsters she hangs out with, so that doesn't help at all. But we always used to do things as a pair and had a strong bond. She used to come over just because I had a bad day and I'd do similar things for her. I really don't know what's happened in her life because she hasn't told me. I honestly don't think I did anything wrong. She's just drifting away towards these new people. And she probably has all new interests so can't relate to me as much anymore.

It hurts because it's like we were never close at all. I can't wrap my head around it because she was never the type to throw people away. Is this something she's learned from the new crowd? Her new friends definitely think I'm odd so maybe they encourage her to stay away from me?

Honestly, I could sit here all day and make up reasons why this is happening, but they are all assumptions at this point and eventually I will have to ask her myself. I'll do so when her exams are over as this is her final semester at Uni.