Even more panic attacks

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Yesterday a girl came into my dorm to talk to me.
I actually panicked when she walked in, but I tried to keep my neutral facial expression.
I was sitting up in bed with my legs stretched out, and I decided to pretend it was okay for her to sit on my bed next to my legs.
As she spoke to me I found myself grabbing for my softest towel and rubbing it between my fingers, as well as retracting my legs.
I couldn't look at her, and it ended up me asking her to leave my room or I'd have a panic attack.
After she left my room quickly, I laid on my side and I had a panic attack.
I had to take my tranquilisers and listen to heartbeats, and have my best friend over the phone trying to calm me down.
Eventually I did.

I've been trying to help my best friend because he's terrified of people.
But when we sat down at a coffee shop today I realised I was the one who was actually terrified of people.
I was the one constantly looking around checking no one would harm me, and the one who had a panic attack from someone talking to me.
My best friend just sat in his chair reading newspapers and talking to me like we were alone.
I was too scared to say more than 5 words, and I spoke really quietly so no one except my best friend would hear me.
He always said he was afraid of people, but maybe I'm the one who's afraid.

I get that fear of people. I always had it, but it seemed to get worse with age. Its been a lot better since I went on an anti-anxiety med. If I have an especially anxious period I take extra of the med & it helps.

I wondered where it came from, and recently did a back examination of my past. I am pretty certain it started after a very bad year as a kid living in the Edenwald project of the Bronx., and was reinforced thru-out childhood by similiar negative experiences elsewhere.

Double posted

So ummm.. disregard, as you were & all that.

It definitely got worse for me...
I never used to have panic attacks
And I have tranquilisers, but I don't take them regularly

We are all different and medications have to be evaluated carefully on a personnel basis. Not only the doctors advice but your own observations and gut feelings on if a med is working or not. With anxiety you are actually in a more hopeful area as there are multiple medications and if one isn't working well there are others to try.

I did have a stage of early adulthood where I did not need medication. But at some point anxiety started to increase and at times became more severe, though it was never as severe as the attacks you experience. As the anxiety became more frequent and serious life certainly became more discouraging and unhappy. In my case it was mixed up with other issues and I did understand it or seek help for it specifically until quite late in the game. One doctor tried two different meds that I did not like for various side-effects. Finally another doctor tried a third that was a good match and had very mild side effects that over time have become unnoticable. I can't tell you how much it has improved my daily life and outlook since I started it about 6 years ago. I still can get anxiety, but it is rare now and not as severe. Its something I take each day to maintain a certain level and is preventive, rather then treatment.

Increased anxiety is not really a natural state. Its supposed to be a response only brought out for certain dangerous situations. With us it is happening all the time and often for no reason at all.