Am I alone?

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When does it happen? When do people begin to feel content with themselves? It's been 25 years and I'm still waiting.
Am I broken? Do other people feel this way? I've always felt there was something wrong with me.
I feel like I am constantly searching for something to throw myself into but nothing ever sticks. I'm afraid that with no special interests, or personalityI will be alone forever.

People come into my orbit once in a while. But my social issues and problems are so much more apparent now that I am not in school. People used to be around me at school and they would initiate contact, but now I can't seem to attract anyone.
I don't know if other people feel this way, but I often feel like I can't be around people. Like I can't give them what they want because I'm different.
I don't always smile, I don't always look pretty, I don't always care to be polite.

I am currently dating a wonderful aspie, ( it been 8 months) but I fear that eventually he will see through me and realize I don't have enough to offer. He's clever and kind and generous. I feel like a bad person sometimes. Like I'm broken, like I'm empty.
My aspie bf thinks I might have AS but honestly, I think I'm just broken. We are so different that I don't see how I could have AS.

Yeah I feel broken too sometimes. When people effortlessly connect with others and hav all these friendships, and I repeatedly struggle and fail. I look back at a lot of different situations, and I just don't get it. Even when I was on my best behavior. And yes, I often feel like I can't be around people either.

As for feeling content...that is fleeting. Most NTs don't feel content either. Its what we all strive for and only accomplish in a moment and then its gone.

It can't be normal for me to feel isolated when my aspie boyfriend makes friends with others and I don't. How could I be a good girlfriend, or a good person for that matter if I feel that way?

Sometimes in conversations I just sit, mute trapped inside my own thoughts. I don't contribute to conversations because I feel like I can't. I don't want to be like this forever but Idont know how to change.

You've made a very close and pessimistic description of my life as well (although I'm still in college and I always try to be polite, maybe excessively so). I just can't seem to get past the "acquaintance VS friend" line even though other people do their part.

I think we're in the High Functioning Autism zone of the autistic spectrum rather than the aspie one.

I have two recommendations:
1- Talk to a psychologist, it sounds like you're falling into the depression trap - I'm no expert on the matter, but it seems being depressed makes me even worse at socializing than I normally am, even if I don't think so in the moment. It turns into this vicious cycle where depression makes it harder for me to socialize and I get more depressed because I can't socialize, even though the opportunities are there. If you don't know where to find opportunities, talk about that too (and creating them)

2 - Pick up one or more hobbies, make sure at least one of your hobbies is easy to relate to - like writing, playing guitar/piano, painting, cooking, a popular sport, etc. Again, just speaking from personal experience, having at least one hobby where you physically exert yourself seems to boost my self-esteem and it'll make you more attractive too.

I'm not sure if it helps you or makes things worse, but try to set goals for yourself as well - not hard enough so you feel stressed out, but demanding enough that you feel satisfaction for meeting them.

You don't need to be social in the way your boyfriend (or anybody else) is to be a good partner or a good person. Not being social/able to make friends doesn't make you a bad person. Being a good person/partner has nothing to do with being normal.

You don't need to have a certain set of thoughts or feelings to be a good partner or a good person. Bad/sad/empty feelings don't make you a bad person.

You don't need to be a good conversationalist for others to enjoy your company. (Some people might only like being with those who talk a lot and/or speak well, but there are other people who don't care about stuff like that.)

Thanks for the replies. I feel a bit better now that I've had time to calm down.

Catwhisperer, thanks for listening and empathizing.

Persevero, you're right. I have been depressed before and I recognize some of the early signs. I want to be a better person. I want to feel contentment with who I am. I guess I've just convinced myself that I am not enough. As for the psychologist suggestion, I am not sure i can. I am currently living overseas in a country with a foreign language. I wouldn't know where to find a psychologist.

I don't want to ruin my relationship with this kind of thinking. I am certain that my bf is at a loss of what to do when he sees me upset. Moreover, I almost feel the need to pull away from him when I am like this. I had a previous relationship in which we were both suffering from depression. It was terrible because we fed off of each others' unhappiness and indulged in self pity. Needless to say it was bad.
I don't want to feel that way again, and I certainly don't want to drag someone down with me.

Animalcrackers, thank you for your perspective. It's all too easy to see things in a warped way when emotions are in control.

You know nobody is even close to perfect and good relationships occur when your mate knows yours and they don't matter to them, they are acceptable.