Anyone have an Alcoholic blaming their drinking on you?

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my sister is alcoholic
when she drinks she shouts for an hour then goes to the pub on her own, then comes back and shouts more
I have just confronted her in an email
i hope it goes ok
maybe i should find an alcoholism forum

My mom would blame her drinking problem on me and on her friends at times. One thing to remember though. The only person at fault for drinking is the person who drinks themselves. They have no one else to blame.

I'm assuming she is shouting at you when drunk.
Your sister is fully responsible for her own actions, including drinking and shouting.
An alcoholic needs recognise there is a problem before anything will change.
It's possible that there could be ways for you to help reduce the stress that causes your sister to get drunk and be abusive.

A family member, only in a sarcastic way, at last I think so. He does not get drunk though.

I dont agree with the fully responsible. An alcoholic isnt 100% mental healthy anymore, because he is physical drug addicted and so not independent in his desicions and thoughts. But the alcoholic himself is definitly the only person that is able to change something about his/her problem. You can have all the aid and friends in the world, if the addicted himself dont manage to let go off his drug its useless. Friend of us died due to organ disfunction a year ago. We dont understand it until now, he finished university 1,5 years before, had started to work in a good job, and would have had his full life before him, if it wasnt for the alcoholism. He talked open about it, when he got more and more problems with it, and many of us were surprised, because you wouldnt have known before. He tried therapy, medication and even closed therapy (so no public contact to others for weeks), but he simply found no joy in life without alcohol, so it seemed for him that he only could decide to ruin his body and have fun by it, or live a depressing life without any fun or joy for the rest of his life. Didnt even reach 30.

About the aggression, the demand for the drug is also physical pain, and as everyone else you are more likely to be aggressive, when you are stressed. Physical pain causes stress, and so can cause aggressive behavement. To understand it normally also helps you to be more relaxed, when the affected get aggressive again. If you give into the aggression, and behave in the way the alcoholic wants because of him being aggressive, then you enhance his aggressive behavement, because he learns that when he is aggressive, he gets whats he want. So you should behave the other way, not give into the aggression. So as example when our friend asked us, if we could bring him some food and stuff from the supermarket, when we visit him, we agreed. The he meant, that if we are anyway already on the way to the supermarket, we also could bring him some alcohole. We disagreed and told him that we dont bring him alcohol, because we dont want to risk him dying oneday, and then blame ourselves for helping him with it. He got angry and shouted at us, how stupid we were, not to bring him his alcohol, when we go anyway to the supermarket for him, and that our behavement was totally stupid, because if we didnt bring him his alcohol, then he would simply go himself, so it wouldnt change anything, if we brought it or he brought it himself and nagnagnagnangnagnagnagnagnag.... Ok, if its the same anyway if we got it or he got it, then there is no need to discuss about it, then he can easily go himself.

Its sad if you get to hear insults from a relative or friend you like and you want to help, but emotions including aggression are simply controlled by chemical hormons in our brain and the alcohol is highly disturbing the natural balance of those hormones you normally have. So for us, it was not our friend getting aggressive and insulting, but simply the damaged brain of our friend, as sad as it is. You could compare it with a three year old toddler, that is forced to be on a family event, is overwhelmed by all the noise and people, and that couldnt do his afternoon nap he is used to and should be in bed for some hours... they are also cranky, easy crying, simply out of balance...thats not their fault. So you dont blame him for being that way, but you also dont let his behavement reach your heart.

[Moved from General Autism Discussion to The Haven]

Find some Al-Anon support groups. They were helpful to me in the past.

I've never met an alcoholic who did not blame at least one other person for their drinking.

Weirdly enough, I haven't met any alcoholic - myself included - who would blame their addiction on anybody but themselves. This always comes up in conversation as I made a point of trying to convince socially excluded people of societies fault for their various problems and general unhappiness.

It's pretty common for an alcoholic to blame their drinking on someone else.

Alcoholics will pretty much blame their drinking on anything they think sounds convincing.

There was no beer in the house, but I wasn't thinking about that. I was knitting and thinking about what I was doing. DH said, "You want some beer." It was not a question, but a statement. Beer wasn't on my mind at all. I hadn't even mentioned beer. He wanted some beer but he didn't want to admit that he wanted it so he told me that I was the one who wanted it so that he'd have an excuse to go out and get some.

I get the opposite experience. Alcholics getting huffy and idignant if you dont hop to it - and aid and abet their drinking on the double ( like its your civic duty to be their enabler)!

Oh yeah, we do that some times! - spewing self-righteus crap about our habit and how we can't control it and how you should give us some drinking money "just this time" as if tomorrow we'd be a whole different person, poised on the path to abstinence. Its a tried and true short term solution for an alcoholic to get drinking money from you. But really, no alcoholic takes his own pleas seriously, and would have a higher opinion of you if you didn't as well.