Feeling lonely and losing friends.

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I'm tired of feeling this way, bored of running through the same depressing monologue in my head.

Once upon a time I had a large group of friends, I'd go out at least once per week to night clubs or to bars with friends, we'd have huge nights out ending in our piling onto the living-room floor of someone's home...I'd even turn-up to the club without friends as I knew I'd run into people I knew. Every now and then we'd have house parties, great times hanging out. We all used to work together, so even at work we'd have each other to chat, hang-out on breaks with, and have a laugh with.

Inevitably things change, we leave work, we start families, we drift apart, and the economy took it's toll on everyone's ability to have a good time....on mine especially. Unemployed for 6 years I was no longer able to afford to go out, which meant friends stopped asking, and when friends stop asking you to go out they also stop asking you to do anything else, now I'm down to only two friends and even then I only get to see them once every 4 months...only one at a time, and only to do something like get a cup of coffee or two.

I'm now probably considered boring as the most I can do with friends is go for coffee, before breaking-up there were a few occasions when my ex and I spent time with a couple of my friends and as I was having a bad day (in terms of autism) I was unable to talk to them normally, let alone have fun with them. My ex works with most of my friends and has the money and home life to be able to go out to nightclubs or have people over for house parties, essentially now has more access to my friends than me, and they are starting to lose interest in me because I can do nothing to maintain the friendships...I have to sit at home alone watching my friends updating their Facebooks talking about what a great time they're having, all together, with my ex...and I'm excluded, not even considered.

I can't help but think about the fact that my friends don't seem to miss me, they don't think 'hey, you know who we need here' or 'invite Jay, we've not seen her for ages!', I'm just so easy to forget about or replace. I guess I wasn't able to make a connection. It also hurts that those who I still consider friends don't think of me often enough to ask me to spend time with them more often, and don't reach-out when they know I'm in pain...or even know when I'm in pain, because they don't see me often enough to realise.

When in a mood like this I want to seek out friendships...
I can't afford to see the two friends I have left, and even if I did all I do every day is sit in front of my computer bored out of my mind as I have nothing to do. I can't make new friends because I can't get out to do anything, and even if I could as we all know being autistic it's tricky to make friends. I can't even socialise online because I can't form bonds with people like I once did, in fact if I even try to reply to someone's Facebook update I freak-out due to my anxiety. I'm desperately lonely, but I can do nothing about it.

What's worse is that without regular social interaction - seriously, I could go months without talking to someone - my autism is getting worse, so it's getting harder and harder to talk to anyone, let alone make friends. I'd find it harder and harder to socialise and have fun. I feel so pathetic with nothing to do and being alone all the time, and I worry about always being so down when talking to my boyfriend - he doesn't seem to need social interaction like me, so I don't think he can understand how bad this is or how low I feel - I don't like that I always sound so bored and down, but I can't help but feel that way at the moment. My boyfriend tells me to look forward, which is good advice but it's right now that I feel desperately lonely, and without social interaction now my autism worsens.

When I think of friendships I think of 'How I Met Your Mother' - stupid I know, but the opening title sequence with the mock photo's of the group of friends all posing in photos having fun, then the way they know each other better than they know themselves, and how they can just pop round to each others homes or to the bar just to hang-out. It makes me desperately sad that I will never know what friendship like that is like, sadder still to realise that I seem to no longer have any sort of friendship full-stop.

I'm so lonely.

I'm sorry you are lonely. That is so uncomfortable.
When I read about what you used to do, I am astounded. I've never been in a group that did what you guys did.