Telling yourself it's no biggie

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But really you just want to tell people to go f*** themselves.

Does anyone else ever get that way? People haven't done anything wrong. It's that I have spent time and effort on a project I find interesting and posted it to all kind of social networking sites and not ONE of my friends has liked it or signed it. I know, it's less than 24 hours. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself.

It's so easy to go right into that defeated mode. I'm trying very hard not to lose my excitement. I can feel that thought creeping in. It's the idea of not being able to read people. If I can't do something so small and get even one friend to be interested why even try and do something else I give a damn about? What is the point of trying to do or be anything? I don't want to be that person. I hear that everyone fails and you learn from it.

I'm learning that no one gives a flying f**k and I don't know how to make them give a f**k. If it's not a cute picture of a cat making a sarcastic remark then they just can't be bothered to take two damn seconds out of their day.

I'm so damn jealous of my friends who have these huge social rings around them. They are like a light for the moths. They could sell my poo and make people care. They don't even know how much it hurts when EVERY DAMN TIME I try I cant' do even a fraction of what they can do. I remember having to console a friend who was upset no one cared about her club. She wanted a room filled to the brim with people. She wanted an organization. She had like 30 members even if they weren't all regulars. It was so hard to hear her so upset when maybe once a year I'll get a handful of my friends (I mean like 5 tops) to get passionate about something I've done.

I quit writing blogs for the same reason. I was talking to the air. I have no kids, no legacy and worry I'll never contribute anything of value to be remembered by. I want my life to have an impact to more than my spouse. I want to feel I've done something meaningful. I want to make a difference but it's when I try that I come out the other end thinking I'd have been better off silent. Just blend in the way I always have.

I don't care if it's something small. I don't care if I should blow it off as nothing. The petition I made which no one signed isn't the point. It's my problems with myself. I want to be positive. So I do something positive, which goes ignored. It don't think people do it on purpose. It simply doesn't occur to them to sign my silly petition. I feel silly. I'm a silly person who acts strange and doesn't know how to impact the world around me. I don't know how to make a difference. I can't have kids, I don't have many friends, I'm barely social, everything I do for charity falls through from lack of interest and lack of ability on my part.

At one point all the failure had me so paralyzed I couldn't leave the house for almost a year. I wanted to do something well. I made myself step out that door and do things on my own. I went back to school. I'd get the mail and run errands. I wanted to change the world once. The philosophy was if I couldn't have kids I wanted I could have the freedom to make a positive impact on someone else. All those things parents never have time to care about I have time to work on. But those same parents don't have time to give me the light of day and I feel stuck. I don't know if they even give two s**ts.

I go from hopeful, to pensive, to trying to hang on to that smile, to f*****g angry and depressed in less than 24 hours because I know from experience how this is going to go. Only my brother said he might sign my petition in the morning, like he was doing me a f*****g favor. I should go back to the playground where I belong with all the other kids being told, "that's cute," when they try something new.

I can't post the link but if you go to the We The People petition site and search for NASA you may find the Save NASA Fund.

I know exactly how you feel. I went through (and am still going through) the same kind of stuff. I could never get anyone interested in anything I wanted to do, or anything I was interested in. No one would ever want to help me with any projects. And yet I was expected to be interested in all their s**t and help them.

Are most of your friends NT? To me it seems like aspies just get ignored about anything they do. Actually no, not ignored... Just not taken seriously. People started to have a habit of totally tuning out the majority of what I would say. I wouldn't go on and on about the same things, I would be talking about things that my friends are interested in, too. And things that would help them. And yet five minutes after saying it my friends would insist that I hadn't said anything.

It's not so much as being ignored, I don't think. It's more like being invisible. Life is just a huge popularity contest. This place is no different. I've made a few threads in the hope that they'll be continued but they just always seem to die. Whereas I bet if I was one of the more well known members I would have thousands of posts in my threads. But I'm not, so my threads become invisible.

Anyway, I think the best thing to do (something I'm trying to do) is not give a flying f**k about what anyone else thinks, or whether they care about things you care about. Only care about people who care about you and your interests. The rest of them are just selfish and only care about themselves.

I'm going to try and sign the petition by the way

They probably think you're doing those things to seek approval and get people closer to you, which comes off as needy to them and therefore manipulative which they will connect to the emotion called "arrogance".

So in reality, your project either appears to be dull to most people or to those people who are your current friends.

BTW, social networks aren't really social networks anymore these days but are popularity contests, hence why I removed my facebook account as it's only good to notice how self-centered and vain most people in this society really are.

The ones who spend the most time and energy spamming on facebook out of all are probably the ones who are the least likely to fall in love with anyone but themselves.