If a guy friend says you can stay over at his...

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Firstly, PLEASE don't put this in Love & Dating. I'm fed up of the bad attitudes there. This thread isn't for putting me down - I'm genuinely asking for help and advice without being slapped.

But continuing with my question:

If a guy friend says you can stay over at his...does it necessarily mean he wants to sleep with you? I have made the mistake before of thinking that invitations like that were only friendly, and then the guy tries to make moves on me and I'm taken aback (yes, me).

Me and this guy fancy each other, and he brings up every time I see him of how he likes children (obviously to get my attention). The previous week when we last met, he *almost* said that maybe we could meet up, just us, sometime. Then I smiled at him and he got embarrassed, then he added in it would be with other people.

I was with friends at this guy's place, and I asked everyone if they knew the local taxi number to the station as it was late. He said that I could stay over if I wanted, since it'd be a hassle to get back etc. I thanked him and said OK. When everyone left, he prepared the sofa bed and I stayed the night.

The next morning he was kinda distant, but that could well have been because he had a hangover and was...ill. Stupidly, I asked him if he just wanted to meet up sometime, just me and him. He said it would be easier with friends. I almost cried, but didn't...we said bye and I left. I haven't contacted him since and left it about 5 days before I logged onto Facebook again (cos we talk on there once or twice a week since I told our friend I fancied him, he only started logging onto chat because of that).

It's really hard to know what he is thinking. It can be taken more then one way. Perhaps he doesn't want a physical relationship at this time (multiple possible reasons) or maybe he doesn't want to offend you by rushing into it. But I think the next step is his, as you already made the offer for a private meet up. So I suggest you just see what happens from his end. Don't feel bad as in rejected. That happens to all of us, and does not mean there is anything wrong with us, just that there is not a good match. Good matches are hard to find.

Since other people were over at his place too, I don't think it was a come on in this situation. He was probably being nice. He probably noticed you were asking about ways to get home. Normally it would be a come on, though. If it is just you with the guy, asking you to sleep over is definitely code for you two having sex.

Of course, it took me until a week later to figure it out. I really, *really* appreciate your input, people! Thank you.

As it happens, I do want sex with him, as in FWB. I'm not interested in a relationship. Any ideas on how to go about this?

I have told him before that I didn't understand subtle language...but maybe he didn't realise *how* bad I am.

I think it really depends on the particular guy. I've been in both types of situations before. I think the best thing to do is play it safe and act like you fell asleep on the couch. That way if you don't want to sleep with him and want to be sure you don't hurt his feelings all you have to do is pretend to be really asleep, and if you do want to he can wake you up and ask if you want to get in the bed.

You can also say "OK, I'll stay but I get the bed" and see how he answers that. You don't actually take his bed, you laugh and say "No, I'll take the couch, I was just kidding" but if you say that right up front it puts the boundry there.

Or, you could just ask.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

It's not that I didn't want to sleep with him, it's that I didn't get the message he wanted to sleep with me. Plus, the situation has already happened and as I explained, I'm wondering how to tell him I misunderstood, because it probably appeared a tease since I just slept on the sofa he prepared. That, and I just want sex with him in future as in a FWB situation.