cant shake this painful memory

Post Reply New Topic

Ive got a lot of dark memories from childhood and am able to walk tbrough them and rise above them knowing its not my fault others have done some sick and twisted things to me, its their fault not mine. Heres one i hear and replay every day and night. When i was 16 my father was laughing about how i grimaced at something and launched into a talk about how ppl with aspergers are deformed and have abnormallyong heads and its deformity related to do tongue clicking and toe walking and hand flap (all of which i do to a degree). Today im proud to be on the autism spectrum; its who i am and we have gifts that for me are worth the struggles. But the deformity talk he said to me whille laughing some really gets to me. My face is long and im always tilting me head when my body tilts even as an adult. Its killing me inside. I need to know if theres truth to what my sicko fathet said. Am i deformed physically because i have aspergers? I do noti e physical traits a lot of us have and many of us are very attractive people, p have always called me attractive. Similar physical traits dont bother me. Him talking about genetic mutational deformity does. I hate posting this but its haunting me. Please someone tell me how to deal with what he said.

The other one that hurts is they doped me up really good sometimes. And id get really scared- thinking i wouldnt remember, one time when i was doped up by them my mother td me she thought it was funny and that she loved how i couldnt annoy her at the moment and that. they saw me as someone who is e tremely annoying and laughed at my being doped up. Does the world see me as "ANNOYING" because i have aspergers?

If there is a common physical deformity with spectrumites, it's that we tend to look younger than our age. There are threads to that effect on here. I haven't read a qualifying medical paper on it, but many on the spectrum believe it to be true.

Thats a "deformity" I'll gladly own.

I've always assumed this wasn't a physical characteristic, but a carryover from a simplicity from our personal style and how we relate to others. The only common feature I've noticed from various examples is facial expression, which probably can be chalked up as part of a flat affect.

I have a really round face and I'm often told I'm attractive and/or that I look really young for my age. One of my friends in high school had a really long face and everyone said she was gorgeous. Physical attractiveness is more complex than face shape and also in the eye of the beholder. And even NTs can have odd mannerisms.

I can completely relate to parents laughing insensitively. Its like they forget we mature past 2yrs old and have complex thoughts and knowledge they might not possess. And then mine will deny they ever did anything wrong and tell me I'm "over reacting" because they don't want to address what they did or consider changing.