Feeling a bit down socially at work

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Sorry to post here again but I am having some issues fitting in at work. Well, OK, I do fit in to an extent, and nobody is nasty to me, but there are some people that ignore me and only talk to me when they want to know something, and even then it's not very welcoming.

OK, there are more people that speak to me than don't, but that's because they're generally nice people. But I find the few people that don't talk to me just look down on me, as though they can't be bothered. I always make eye contact and smile and sometimes say hello as I pass them at work because it's in my nature to, but they just blank me out like I'm invisible. Even if I sound unconfident or stupid when I say hello or good morning, I still don't think I should be disrespected. I would understand it if I just walked by everyone and never spoke to anyone. But I never do that.

When I tell people, they just say ''maybe they're shy'' or ''maybe they're having a bad day'', but those are just excuses. I know they're not shy because I always see them talking and laughing and getting all chummy with most, if not, all of the other workers there, so there is no excuse to blank a true shy person like me out. And I do hate it when people say ''maybe they're having a bad day''. I only buy that when there is somebody who generally is friendly but sometimes has a one-off day where they're quieter than usual and looking all stressed and not really speaking happily to many people. Not when they speak to everyone but me.
Today I even overheard one of the ones that ignore me yell to someone else, ''I do hate being ignored!'' I knew it wasn't referring to me, it was about some other person they were talking about, but I felt like walking in there and going, ''yeah, now you know how I feel when I smile to you every day and you just strut past me like you're more important than me!''

I know I shouldn't take it too personally but I do because I'm a sensitive person who thinks I'm always doing something wrong. Am I doing something wrong? Surely there's nothing wrong in smiling and saying hello to another worker.

I'm often ignored, too. I have two explanations:

• I often bore other people in conversations, so they attempt to avoid those.
• I look like I'm not interested in other people, either. When I say hi to people, my voice is too low, so people often don't even notice, and when I talk to them, I maintain a large physical distance.

I don't know if those reasons apply to you, but it's unlikely that anyone intends to be mean to you.

dont worry you are not the only one. i dont fit in well where i work at all, even though i love my job as a bus and coach driver. some of the other drivers like me (the ones who are genuinly nice people) but a lot dont like me and they arent afraid to show it either. theres one who is so nasty to me all because he fails to understand me, he is one of those people who have a poor tolerance of anyone outside of his social expectations, and obviosly i am one of them so im bound to be an enemy of his. i am quite highly strung so i can argue back and lose my temper. im not too sensitive of what others think of me so i lash out at work sometimes, which isnt something i would recommend you to start doing.

you sound quite easygoing to me, like you just like to be polite to everyone and not like hostility. keep it that way. some people are quite strange anyway, even if you dont think they are when you see them joking and laughing with everyone else. some people just get chummy with certain people and turn a blind eye to those they dont want to get to know. i know its hard but just focus on the nice people who do speak to you, and let those that dont speak to you know that you are likeable. some people just judge a book by its cover and seem to want proof that you are as likeable as you are.

I don't think my problem is either of those.
I know I don't bore people in conversations because I don't go into monologues or go on about myself or my special interests.
I have never got to have a conversation with those that don't speak to me because they haven't given me a chance. I say hello or good morning/afternoon, and that's all I can do, I mean, it takes two.

A lot of workers of my age often all do things outside of work, but I'm never invited. They probably don't invite me because I'm too quiet. It can make you feel a little downhearted sometimes. I act smiley and happy in front of people, but when I am off working on my own (I am one of the cleaners so we work on our own) I sometimes come over a bit depressed. I have even cried before. Now I find myself taking a can of coke with me because sometimes caffeine cheers me up a bit.

that's nice you have a job now I need to find one after many years on a pension , anyways are they even worth it

Do they respond when you say hello? Do you appear confident when you speak to them? Do you maintain eye contact?

This is the problem, there are a few people there who don't respond. I just say good morning or hello if I hadn't seen them yet in the mornings, and I kind of get a hello mumbled if I'm lucky, but sometimes they just walk by. I suppose there's some sort of rule that I am missing where you mustn't say hello every morning to your co-workers if you see them or something stupid like that. But I don't believe I am doing anything wrong at all. I make eye contact because I don't have issues with eye contact, and I always smile when speaking to them. No, I don't give a ''cheesy'' smile, I just smile ordinarily.

But I suppose this is going to be one of those things where I am in the wrong all the time just because I'm an Aspie. It's just that everywhere I read about ''how do I stop being ignored?'' the answer is always, ''start saying hello or good morning to people, or even just smiling.'' So that is what I do. Didn't think there was about a hundred rules that link to such a simple thing as saying hello. If I can't even say hello right then, Jesus, I suck!

Maybe they have Asperger's? (Joke)

Unfortunately I am much like your co-workers, as I tend to miss it completely when people greet me - especially if I am engaged in a task. However, I also avoid general conversation/small talk with everyone, not just one or a few people.

Are you brave enough to organize your own night out or after-work-drinks for those you are interested in being social with?

Are you sure that your voice is loud enough? They could be thinking: "If she doesn't greet me properly, I don't have to greet her, either." In a professional environment, people usually greet each other as a matter of politeness, so either they are impolite persons, or they perceived something that you did as impolite. How do those people act towards others?


It's more difficult because people do notice social discomfort, and it usually causes them to stop talking to you. It often seems to me like I have a post-it on my forehead which says: "do not disturb".

Well today I was speaking to one of the others there who I am very friendly with, and I told her how I feel about a couple of the others not speaking to me, and she said that they don't all speak to her either. I said that I thought it was only me who gets ignored, but she said that it's not just me, and she also pointed out that one of them is a bit strange, and she also said that if I asked anyone else if she was strange, they would agree. She's obviously a different strange to me; I'm a little odd but I know I'm likeable and not argumentative or nasty.

But that has made me feel a little better.