Having the luxury to wish for pain

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Every feeling is an echo for me. It seems like I have some kind of addiction to intense emotion but I can never satisfy it because everything is faint. Pleasure is especially faint. It seems impossible to get a satisfying intensity level from anything but pain. I live a sheltered life. I don't suffer from anything but chronic boredom and yet I want to be unconscious or asleep as long as possible so that I don't have to be conscious.

I wish to suffer because if I am being tortured at least I am feeling something. I realize that the fact that I can wish for pain is evidence of the fact that I am not in a difficult situation. If I had real problems I would be wishing for the pain to end. I completely break down but I feel like I'm screaming and crying about nothing. 'Nothing' is the problem.

Is it emotion you're looking to feel, or adrenaline? There's an allure to throwing oneself into chaos. Some people can turn this to their advantage, others end up self destructing.
Have you ever tried just being still within it? It's not easy to do, but I try to view it as a storm...that exists within, but separate. Try to stay in the eye, rather than being swept away. It doesn't always work, but it helps me sometimes.

No wonder rich people end up as drug addicts. They're bored.

I wish it would stop. A lot of simple experiences for me can be painful, especially when I am in a bad mood.

Whatever it is I've been obsessively reading articles that I barely understand about personality and neurology. I shouldn't because I have no background and it's just going to mislead me in many different directions. It feels like I was made to be miserable. I'm so easily bored and I don't get excited by things that other people might be satisfied with. I need bigger hits to get the same thing.

I find that something can satisfy me and make me feel better even if it's unpleasant and unpleasant things are often more effective. When I wake up to an episode of hypnopompic hallucinations it is the best thing in the world for me. It's scary as hell and it almost always takes the form of a possession but I'm left feeling satisfied. That's why I look at people who experience terrifying hallucinations on a regular basis with envy. I would rather be satisfied in hell than starving to death in a safe haven.

    This isn't super uncommon. I have lots of solutions for lots of topics but I don't have one for this.
    I get this feeling if I'm too long (which is rare for me) without an engaging Special Interest . Life can get quite tedious.
    Maybe that's why some people jump outta airplanes. (with a parachute of course!)
    I'm a diver, Scuba diving can get pretty intense.
    Maybe some hard workouts like p90x/p90x2, you can end up sore and tired. =) (and ded sekci)
    Maybe some tattooing or body piercing. That's usually socially acceptable. Mostly.
    Maybe a nice bed of nails, then you can have the best of both worlds. A painful nap. =)

I read that there are "big T" people and "little t" people, IOW some are wired to need lots of stimulation while others are wired to avoid more than a teeny bit of the stuff, with most of us falling somewhere in between those two extremes.

Suffering is what you are doing already. I broke a bone two months ago and have been in mostly constant physical pain since. I can't recommend it. Maybe: write down in a brainstorm sort of stream of consciousness way any and all ideas that come to you. Then perhaps you'll be able to choose something to do, and that might lead to other discoveries which move you along toward satisfaction in some way.

Depression can cause a certain kind of numbness to pleasure, pain, etc. I wonder if that is part of the equation for you, OP. If so, you might find that after getting help for your depression, your ability to get satisfaction out of everyday experiences might improve.

Or, if you are sure you really want some pain and troubles, I would be happy to share some of mine! (Just kidding).

I'm not numb to pain that's for sure. It's pleasure that's dull.

a lot of what the OP is talking about, reminds me of my own dysthymia, which was/is highly treatable.