19 Jul 2013, 7:29 pm
If I can pinpoint when this started, I'd say it was right around the time my psychiatrist told me that he thinks a lot of my stress has to do with my not being able to read nonverbal cues. Which I can't, but that was never a stressor for me, but once you put it out there like that, how am I not going to think that I'm a f**k-up due to my autism? EVERYTHING has to do with my autism--how does that make me feel?
The only form of communication I have with friends right now is via my Facebook, and you think that would be easier, but in no way is it. My friends are f*****g intelligent, and when they send me a message I have no idea what to respond. I feel a lot of people come to me for advice because of my habit to respond like a f*****g psychologist to every message I receive about someone having a hard time or whatever. I probably shouldn't respond like that, be more casual, but that's hard for me. I can't remember a time when I actually had good social skills, but they were there.
My overall intelligence too, it's just awful. Look at how 'try hard' this post sounds so far--obviously my verbal skills suck; I can't sound ~smart. My teacher actually thinks I'm a pretty good writer. I've had similar compliments from other teachers, but I can't help but think this one is just humoring me, because I don't see any talent in my writing. And I wish I could say I have something else in the intelligence department to make up for that, but my math ain't so hot anymore, either.
Everything with my autism has taken a turn for the worse, but I can't be assed to complain about my sensory issues or stimming, because those don't prevent me from accomplishing anything.
I kind of just think it's my stress/depression that's bringing everything to the forefront, and I'll *eventually* get back to how I was before.
Sorry, just needed to rant. Enjoy my tirade! 
19 Jul 2013, 9:12 pm
Actually, without you saying so yourself, I wouldn't have guessed you have Autism, simply by the way you write. I didn't get the sense you were "trying really hard to sound good" in your post, either. You have a natural ability to express your feelings and opinions in written form (can't comment how you are verbally). So, take your teachers' compliments with a smile 
Social skills can be learned. It's going to be a challenge but it's like learning a new language. If you want to know something, you'll have to do the work.. just like everybody else (in different ways). If you need help, ask for it from someone you trust or hire someone. Do you still qualify for Autism funding?
You say:
That says a lot. Have you thought about doing that for a living? Maybe you can primarily work with individuals with Autism? Just an idea but don't limit yourself. So, another skill!
Math, many people suck at math. It's not the end of the world. Is math something that's creating barriers towards a personal goal? If so, hire a tutor - or, do a trade-off: someone tutors you math (or social skills) - you tutor writing.
I think what helps is if you take your Autism and use it's strengths - see YOUR strengths and apply them. If you haven't further developed any of those skills, now might be a good time to do so. Don't give up!
19 Jul 2013, 10:32 pm
20 Jul 2013, 10:37 pm
21 Jul 2013, 8:50 pm
Social skills can be learned. It's going to be a challenge but it's like learning a new language. If you want to know something, you'll have to do the work.. just like everybody else (in different ways). If you need help, ask for it from someone you trust or hire someone. Do you still qualify for Autism funding?
You say:
That says a lot. Have you thought about doing that for a living? Maybe you can primarily work with individuals with Autism? Just an idea but don't limit yourself. So, another skill!
Math, many people suck at math. It's not the end of the world. Is math something that's creating barriers towards a personal goal? If so, hire a tutor - or, do a trade-off: someone tutors you math (or social skills) - you tutor writing.
I think what helps is if you take your Autism and use it's strengths - see YOUR strengths and apply them. If you haven't further developed any of those skills, now might be a good time to do so. Don't give up!
Since I pride myself in being so "high functioning" for someone with autism (I'm trying to break this line of thinking.), I consider your whole first paragraph a compliment.
In a meeting with my psychiatrist (and a bunch of school officials) we actually were discussing if I would qualify for disability/funding. I definitely would, and I think we're trying to set something up, so having high hopes there!
This whole year I've thought about being a psychologist because I really love helping others. There are ways you could specifically work with people with autism? That sounds like something I really would wanna look into, because I find it easier to help when I can relate to the subject at hand.
Not everyone is a genius (thankfully), but being autistic doesn't mean you automatically are inferior in intelligence. It may be somewhat different than an NTs however.
A tiger is not smarter than a polar bear. In the the polar bears environment the polar bear will thrive and the tiger will not find ice fishing intuitive. But give the tiger a parka and some steel claw gloves and they might get the hang of it.
What I am getting at in a roundabout way is you can manipulate your environment to fit your natural strengths or learn to adapt to in a non-natural setting. Being able to do both is quite useful.
You can't unlearn what you now know, but you can build on it.
I really like how you put that, Soldier. It's completely true, and I want to start doing that.
I think you're having some self perception problems. And in my not so humble opinion, you're wrong about how awful you are.
You're having confidence issues atm, we all do that, but this one's hurting you badly, I can feel it.
Check this out if you want. StabilizingAutism/unsolicited-advice
You can find what it can do here. What PAR can do
And
If you're really, really interested you can get a jump-start on a free session here. StabilizingAutism/free-first-session
Unfortunately you sound too depressed to have much faith in optimism, so I can't really blame you if you don't feel like working at something different right now. I probably wouldn't.
I can tell you that you can perform far better than you think you are right now, and be happy about it.
I've been battling depression for a while. Right now it's just sporadic mild-moderate bouts, but it still gets to you, and it's a never-ending cycle of guilt, blame, and feeling sorry for yourself. I do wanna try pulling myself out of it though. I just need to change my thinking a little.
Thank you all for the advice thus far. Really do appreciate it
21 Jul 2013, 8:51 pm
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