My AS is making me a bad person

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I think my Asperger's is making me out to be a bad person.

As part of my Asperger's, I have various obsessions, as do quite a few of you, but unlike most of you, some of these obsessions have been with people. That is, people that I have liked romantically. I don't know why- maybe it's because of my AS- but sometimes when I have crushes on people, it becomes way more than a crush and goes into obsession category. I become totally obsessed with that person, going completely out of my way to talk to them, and a lot of times I wind up annoying that person to the point where they don't want to have anything to do with me again. And even though the person sends signs that they don't want to have anything to do with me again, I ignore those signs. And this hasn't happened once, or twice, but a few times. It happened a couple of times in middle school: the first time, the kid's mom got involved, the second time, the kid's mom also got involved, but she also got the principal involved, and the police were very close to getting involved. It didn't really happen in high school, because I wasn't really interested in anyone then and there were so many people and I was so new to the area that it became virtually impossible to be obsessed with anyone. I thought that that was the end of that. But now I'm in college, and it's happened again.

The funny thing is, I can't stop being obsessed with that person until there is a major intervention- for example, when the principal is notified or when the friend of the person I'm obsessed with tells me not to give her the note that I was going to give to that person. I know this is not good, both for the obvious reasons and the fact that, once this intervention happens, I feel so ashamed. I feel shame every time I walk to and from class, in class, at work- even though I'm sure that no one in any of those places knows what transpired. I feel like everyone knows, though, and that they all think I'm a bad person. I mean, the people I was obsessed with and their family/friends must think I am. I feel so ashamed that, if I could, I wouldn't leave my room. It does eventually go away, but when it's there, it's plain horrible, and it's all I can do to go about my daily life.

I highly doubt that this has happened to anyone else on WP. I guess this is just to vent, but I'm also looking for some advice. I don't want to be a bad person anymore. I'm seeing a therapist, and I plan to tell her all of this tomorrow, but I need someone to talk to about this now. I'm worried that I'll always be this way, and I'll never get anyone to love me- I'll most likely scare them off first. I want to know what's going on with me, so I can stop it and stop being a bad person. If anyone can help me with any of this, I'd be very, very grateful.

Actually obsessions extending from subjects to people, specifically people that you are romantically interested in does not appear to be unique to you amongst the Lonely Planet Community. That you feel bad about it is in some ways a good sign - it means that you have a conscience and therefore have the potential to change something that might potentially destroy many friendships - as well as have potential legal rammifications.

While I have been obsessed with someone more than once, I am usually quiet about it, but there was one occasion when I allowed myself to be blinded to anything - the fact that she clearly did not reciprocate my feelings, that I had heard that she had a boyfriend and therefore it was totally morally wrong to be even continuing to think about her, (my infatuation had begun three years earlier and had been relatively innocent to begin with) still less contriving to be near her - I am thoroughly ashamed of the way I behaved at that time, and it is not helped by her conduct not being irreproachable - she had two of her friends spread false stories about what she and her boyfriend were doing in order to repell me, which partially worked but also excited my jealousy. Eventually, and quite rightly (I wish she had done so sooner without resorting to the stories) she confided in her year-level co-ordinator (she was in year eleven at the time, I in year twelve) who contacted the lady who helped me with organisation.

I tell you this that you may know that you are not alone and that it is possible to move beyond something quite destructive in its impact. Admittedly I still sometimes indulge in self-pity about being single and have been infatuated again, but I have never again allowed this to rule all my actions. With two subsequent objects of my affection we have been able to continue friends with them not knowing about my infatuation - in both cases I again found out their affections were otherwise engaged and therefore any romantic feelings on my part needed to be suppressed in favour of platonic ones - admittedly difficult at times - before I could gather up courage to ask them out. For now I think that I will have to wait

Also, do you have a close friend whom you can talk to about this problem without feeling that they will utterly reject you? This might ease the problem somewhat. Other than that I am afraid that the main thing required is self discipline. We both need to be careful about allowing our thoughts to dwell on someone too obsessively, especially if they have made it clear that they are not interested in a romantic relationship.

I hope this helps - a little - though I myself still sometimes struggle with my emotions. All the best for now. And Asperger's Syndrome need not make anyone inherently evil - plenty of other people can be obsessed about members of the opposite gender and it is just as important that they change this before they and some of their friends are hurt - sorry if I sound too preachy at times.

You can get your therapist to act as that "intervention". Try not to make any moves toward anyone without getting it cleared and getting another opinion. It will help you avoid mistakes and save you from public humiliation.