I'm going to document the circumstances that are troubling me as a cathartic exercise, & to receive objective advice.
I live with my sister & her partner in a quiet suburb an hour from the city, where I attend university. I work part-time at a restaurant - it is a five minute bike ride from the house. In addition to decent pay & hours, I am fed each night free of charge. On weeknights I am the sole waiter, which suits me because I am quiet & misanthropic. On weekends I work with two waitresses, which is fine because there isn't time to talk. However, there is an exception to my misanthropy: one of the waitresses, who I shall call "A". I will emphasise that my reason for excepting A is not romantic or inspired by attraction. Indeed, A possesses qualities that I loathe when another person exhibits them. But irrationally, I except them in A. When someone intentionally or inadvertently touches me, I recoil. But when A does so (for example, putting a hand on my back instead of saying "excuse me"), I am pleased.
Now, you may be wondering why I am bothering to document this.
Recently, a person who I shall call "E" contacted me. E lives in the capital city of another state. E recently finished her degree & told me she is moving - to my city. Crucial to this tale, E is the only other person to have avoided the glare of my misanthropy. We graduated from the same high school three years ago. Although we were both in attendance from Grade 8, it wasn't until the final semester that we became friends. E was destined to move far away one month after graduation, so we spent a lot of time together. Without going in to detail, E and I fell out just before she left. Suffice to say I didn't have the know-how to properly express myself as the experience of liking (at sixteen: "not hating") someone, was new to me. E boarded a plane - I had a catatonic episode & spent a week in the mental health unit (where I was diagnosed with autism). In the year that followed I occasionally tried to get in contact with E. I despaired when, at twelve months, E was still adamant in rejecting my attempts to revive our friendship. At that moment I decided that I didn't need E in my life - I was content, & she wasn't open to my efforts. I deleted her phone number & resigned her to the past. Six months later, E asked me to meet her in the city as she was down for the week. I agreed. No apologies were made but the connection between us was "like old times", the halcyon days. E returned to her city. Over the next year we kept in contact, & our friendship flowered, etc.
E asked me to move in with her, in the heart of city. When I told A she was upset (because I would have to leave my job). Now, at the time, because I was excited by the idea, I agreed. However, in the last two months, as we've planned, I've found the bond with E disintegrating & the bond with A intensifying. A mentioned in passing that she feels she can tell me anything. Meanwhile I am becoming indifferent to E.
Here are the major facets of the conundrum:
- I told my boss that I am moving & have one month until I officially resign. I could technically reverse this & my boss would be happy to keep me. Awkward conversation, though.
- I no longer want to move in with E, but would feel bad for telling her so because I've spent two months telling her I wanted to.
- My sister is having a baby before the year is out. I am uneasy around newborns. If I were to stay I would be required to look after "it".
- I want to defer my university studies & get a day-job, & keep my night-job. Part of the allure of moving to the city was the relative ease of getting one there as opposed to here.
- My family hates E.
I am of course going to arrive at a decision by myself (& I think I've made it clear which is more likely), but comments would be appreciated. Especially regarding how to theoretically handle point 2.
08 Aug 2013, 10:54 pm
