Keep feeling depressed and anxious

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The social skills that I lack are affecting my life, and causing a big loop of anxieties and depression.

Lacking assertiveness causes more issues than you think. It also comes from being too timid and scared of your own shadow. This makes me feel confronted or cornered easily. I'm not talking about bullies. I'm talking about facing awkward contact with people at work (in awkward situations). This makes me anxious.

I'm not that happy in my job. They keep phoning on my days off asking if I can come in, but I am usually busy on my days off or I look forward to having a day to myself too, and it makes me feel awkward to say I can't each time. Then I worry in case they might sack me one day for not doing overtime. This causes anxiety, and also insecurity too.

People around me all seem so confident, even if they are the introvert type. There's another Aspie at work, and he is better at making conversations than me. He also knows how to be assertive, and is not nervous. Not only that, just some NTs who I have known for a long time who always seemed the shy, odd type, have suddenly grew into more confident adults who get invited in going out with a group of mates. I don't seem to get invited out, and I'm always afraid of inviting myself because of fear of rejection. This sometimes makes me feel depressed.

I was having counseling, but the sessions have ended but I'm going to be having some more soon. And yes, I do talk about my anxiety and depression issues to close relatives and one of my friends who can understand. But I thought I'd just share on here and see if anyone here can relate or have any tips. I tried to keep this post short.

Hey there,

You seem cool. If you were just six months younger, I'd ask you out

Your anxiety, I would suggest, is the classic "I won't be able to handle it" feeling. This is a feeling, not a real-life event.

In an awkward situation, which might not be entirely under your control - you attach this "won't be able to handle it feeling". If you separate the two, you will find life a lot easier. I now can cope with a lot of very awkward situations at work, often better than NTs, because I don't let the two go together - so I keep a clear head.

What you say about being phoned on your days off, asking you to come in - that affects a lot of people as well. But that's not the problem. Once again, the problem you have is a feeling. You have to unattach the possibility of being sacked to the feeling. Then, you can come up with a plan that isn't poisoned with fear!

If you lose your job - you will be able to handle it. You need that feeling, because that's confidence. And confidence is a feeling!

I find people in the UK are great for putting on a front! Maybe the people around you are better actors than you, and you are just honest to the core.

In the past, when I was based in a more fixed location, I dreaded going to staff dos and meet-ups. Nowadays, I could cope better if I had to, simply because of not having the anxiety feelings that I used to. Because they were paralysing, draining and poisonous.

To sum up - yes, the social skills that you don't always display are affecting your life. But your interpretation of this, no matter how understandable, causes your anxiety and depression. You feed this into a loop - you create the loop. That's what you have control over - so take that power back, because it's far more important than social skills, and situations that you can't have control over.

Change the feelings, everything changes. Sometimes, straight away!

The answers that you seek, and everything that you need, is inside you.

A main ingredient in fear and anxiety is predicting what might go wrong in a situation. One approach to this is to take one additional step in the predictive thought process, and consider the worst that could reasonably go wrong and the result.

For example if you would like to try and make a small chat at work, and you fear a negative reaction like they might look at you funny or reject your attempt, then what is the worst that could happen? - That person is not open to your friendliness and so you don't approach them anymore - Its not like they hit a secret button and a SWAT team decends on the building and they kill you.

Being too introverted is self defeating in that you hide your personality and thoughts and by default become uninteresting. I know from your previous posts you are very intelligent and have good insights. Be proud of what and who you are. I don't mean be big-headed, but just give yourself credit for what you do have.