THE NTNESS ON THIS FORUM

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29 Sep 2013, 5:12 pm

putting on my flame-retardant suit, I will guess that some good NTs on this forum sometimes serve in a capacity akin to humans relating to cats. but as far as the high-functioning aspies go, they almost never do that for their lower-functioning aspie brethren.

thewhitrbbit
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29 Sep 2013, 5:14 pm

I think a big part of this place is helping people identify ways to function in the world.

Thelibrarian
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29 Sep 2013, 5:17 pm

auntblabby wrote:

Blabby, I know you are right with respect to me. The only autistic person I've ever known besides myself is a lower-functioning young fellow who volunteers shelving books for me. As hard as I try, I just can't relate to him, and I must say I feel guilty about it. Especially considering he's a nice guy and the rest of my staff gets along with him so well.

I think it's part of the social deficits thing. I think it's much easier for one with excellent social skills to get along with somebody with social deficits than it is for another person with social deficits.

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29 Sep 2013, 5:28 pm

Thelibrarian wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

Blabby, I know you are right with respect to me. The only autistic person I've ever known besides myself is a lower-functioning young fellow who volunteers shelving books for me. As hard as I try, I just can't relate to him, and I must say I feel guilty about it. Especially considering he's a nice guy and the rest of my staff gets along with him so well. I think it's part of the social deficits thing. I think it's much easier for one with excellent social skills to get along with somebody with social deficits than it is for another person with social deficits.

i have to ask, how verbal is this person? does he ever talk to people about anything at all? if he talks to the others, he could talk to you as well, and maybe you could seize upon whatever he talks about and expand upon it, thus piquing his curiosity and overcoming his natural reticence based on rejection from others his whole life. just a jejune thought on my part.

Thelibrarian
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29 Sep 2013, 5:44 pm

auntblabby wrote:

Thelibrarian wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

Blabby, I know you are right with respect to me. The only autistic person I've ever known besides myself is a lower-functioning young fellow who volunteers shelving books for me. As hard as I try, I just can't relate to him, and I must say I feel guilty about it. Especially considering he's a nice guy and the rest of my staff gets along with him so well. I think it's part of the social deficits thing. I think it's much easier for one with excellent social skills to get along with somebody with social deficits than it is for another person with social deficits.

Joel is certainly verbal, though I'm not sure how highly functioning he would be classified as. He shelves books for me, and does a reasonably good job, though I think he's working at his limits doing that. He tends to mumble a few words while looking toward the ground. He usually has a pleasant demeanor and a smile though, and, surprisingly, dresses like a somebody out of a fashion magazine.

I think part of the problem is that I come across as intimidating even when I don't mean to (though never physically intimidating). I'm also the boss. So, the few times I've tried to talk with him have been very awkward with him not taking his eyes off the ground.

Our interactions are limited to waving at each other, me speaking to him about something job-related when necessary, and buying pizza for the staff and him on his birthday.

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29 Sep 2013, 5:47 pm

Thelibrarian wrote:

Joel is certainly verbal, though I'm not sure how highly functioning he would be classified as. He shelves books for me, and does a reasonably good job, though I think he's working at his limits doing that. He tends to mumble a few words while looking toward the ground. He usually has a pleasant demeanor and a smile though, and, surprisingly, dresses like a somebody out of a fashion magazine. I think part of the problem is that I come across as intimidating even when I don't mean to (though never physically intimidating). I'm also the boss. So, the few times I've tried to talk with him have been very awkward with him not taking his eyes off the ground. Our interactions are limited to waving at each other, me speaking to him about something job-related when necessary, and buying pizza for the staff and him on his birthday.

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29 Sep 2013, 7:45 pm

auntblabby wrote:

does he read? maybe you might find out generally what he likes [in a subtle manner] and give him a birthday present of a book [an ice breaker] that he might go for, something au courant in his demographic? just a thought.[/quote]

Joel can certainly read; he had to be able to to shelve library books. In fact, Joel is actually pretty sociable for being autistic; he texts his friend endlessly. I've never known him to read anything though.

Joel would rather not work at the library, or anywhere else I think. Joel's father begged me to let him volunteer before I had ever heard of AS, much less knowing I have it. The one time I've had to get on to him it was about holing up in the employee bathroom, meaning the rest of us couldn't get in there. Then, I knew I had AS and sympathized with his condition, and found a place for him to hole up--as in being away from people--that wouldn't cause problems. I think I would hide too sometimes if I could get away with it, so I can certainly sympathize.

So, it's not that I dislike Joel in any way. He's a good kid. I just think our respective social impediments present an insurmountable barrier. Neither of us can carry on much of a conversation, so we don't.

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29 Sep 2013, 7:54 pm

I know you mean well.

Thelibrarian
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29 Sep 2013, 8:00 pm

auntblabby wrote:

I know you mean well.

Do you know any other lower functioning autistics? If so, how do you deal with them?

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29 Sep 2013, 8:07 pm

Thelibrarian wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

I know you mean well.

Do you know any other lower functioning autistics? If so, how do you deal with them?

in my aspie meetup group there are people that I would guess are lower-functioning than me by dint of their limitations [unemployment history, benefit recipients, et al] and I just treat them the way I would wish to be treated, i.e., I smile and joke with them, atone with them [relate to their problems] and give gentle advice when asked. that is all I can do. I have my own limitations/addlements which puts a crimp in me doing more or better for them. one of them [against my better judgment due to their metabolic problems] I give snacks because it makes that person happy. it is simple things that I do, just listening and being there. one doesn't really need a magic wand.

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29 Sep 2013, 8:13 pm

Toy_Soldier wrote:

Sorry but you just said the wrong thing. Like with all of your 38 posts you yourself have any idea of what goes on here.

Posting isn't necessary to know what goes on on WP. Reading is.

Thelibrarian
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29 Sep 2013, 8:14 pm

auntblabby wrote:

Thelibrarian wrote:

auntblabby wrote:

I know you mean well.

Do you know any other lower functioning autistics? If so, how do you deal with them?

This wouldn't work for me. I'm the big boss, and that simply tends to create even more distance even if Joel isn't technically my employee. I'm guessing his parents have taught him how a boss is supposed to be treated, and then told Joel to treat me accordingly.

auntblabby
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29 Sep 2013, 8:18 pm

Thelibrarian wrote:

sorry. I know nothing of being a boss, I totally lack such genes. I would make a rotten boss, I am sure, I am a pushover, a softy. how I made it through the military is a minor miracle.

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29 Sep 2013, 8:27 pm

auntblabby wrote:

Thelibrarian wrote:

sorry. I know nothing of being a boss, I totally lack such genes. I would make a rotten boss, I am sure, I am a pushover, a softy. how I made it through the military is a minor miracle.

Being the big boss is actually easy, since I don't deal with my employees unless they have done something really good or really bad; I have an assistant who supervises the employees, who are all very good and don't need a lot of supervision. In any case, when you are the boss, with the power to hire and fire, it makes a big difference in the attitude of those you work around. Though I try to be as pleasant to deal with as I can, it is ultimately their job to get along with me rather than vice versa. They have the choice of dealing with me or quitting. It's an entirely different dynamic.

I was in the Navy, and my big goal was to get out with an honorable discharge after doing every minute of my time, plus a two month extension as it turned out. I did.

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29 Sep 2013, 8:30 pm

Thelibrarian wrote:

I was in the Navy, and my big goal was to get out with an honorable discharge after doing every minute of my time, plus a two month extension as it turned out. I did.

if I weren't clausterphobic, I would've chosen the navy.

Thelibrarian
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29 Sep 2013, 8:43 pm

auntblabby wrote:

Thelibrarian wrote:

I was in the Navy, and my big goal was to get out with an honorable discharge after doing every minute of my time, plus a two month extension as it turned out. I did.

if I weren't clausterphobic, I would've chosen the navy.

What branch were you in?

I decided to join the Navy over the Air Force simply because I knew that I wouldn't want to do over four years, and the Navy seemed like a much better way to see the world in that time. And I did. But I realized I too was claustrophobic.

My last ship was really bad. It was designed right after WWII to be a frigate. Well, since navy ships have been getting smaller, it was made into a heavy cruiser, which meant it had to accommodate not only twice as many weapons systems, but twice the original crew. It was very cramped, and a nightmare for me, and I spent every free moment hiding (deja vu?) and getting drunk to put it all out of my mind, however briefly.

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