The father who walks on me with jackboots

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As many of you may not know from previous forum posts, my little sister recently moved in with her husband (who is in the airforce), she has a history of using me. I mean, she used my laptop (in both ways against my blessing, because in the first instance she went to my dad and made my dad force me to let her use it, and she used it while I was not there) in the past, has borrowed money and not or incompletely repaid it, and she made me babysit her child for the last 3 years. All while she partied and ignored her other obligations. If you tried to talk to her, she would blow up. I can't begin to tell you how many times she blew up in arguments with my dad in the seven years since my parents divorced. The girl has put me through hell, and I don't miss her.

Well, I was imagining that once she moved out, things would get better with my dad. But, I have found out he has, what I can an "open door" policy with my sister. So the person who yelled at him, took his money, he now says that if things turn rotten with her and her husband, that he does not know that he would prevent her from moving back (which means I would have to babysit her child for her once again). I told him that if she did, I would not help her move back in like I helped her move out just a few weeks ago. He says, it would be "hard for me to do it by myself then." I know it is an issue of my dad missing his grandchild, but at the same time, I also feel like he is enabling her to avoid taking full responsibility for her life. It is precisely my dad refusing to kick her out because of his obsession with "parental duties" even though she is an adult. He said the reason why he might let her back is he is afraid she would commit suicide if she wasn't allowed to come back. My mom agrees with me on this. She tells me about how my dad would not listen when they were married, and would insist on things even when they inconvenienced my mom. The repeated fights between my sister with the baby and my dad, don't get me wrong, also drove my other sister out of the house since she didn't want to deal with the repeated conflicts anymore.

And then he has the nerve to say I miss this grandchild too during a phone call last night when I just don't want to get involved again (and I never said anything to the same effect). And when I went out for lunch today, my dad told me that the toddler was going to be dropped off today when I heard last night that he was going to stay next weekend. So, I've decided today that I am not going to babysit him TODAY if my dad is so obsessed with babysitting him, his frail, 73-year old body can handle taking care of his grandchild. I have totally lost my sympathy for my dad.

Not to add insult to injury, but he also cannot accept that I am gay and he has said on many occasions that I am "using Asperger's as an excuse." when I am working on a master's degree right now.

Daddy
by Sylvia Plath

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time--
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gipsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been scared of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You--

Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two--
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you b*stard, I'm through.

You're totally within your rights to set your own boundaries, Tabris. Her child is not your responsibility.

I feel that we owe it to ourselves to set boundaries with these types of people.

And maybe show your dad the poll on sexual orientation in one of these sub-forums. It appears from this (albeit informal) poll that less than half of those responding conform to typical gender-attraction roles.


If you need it, give yourself permission to say 'no.' This is your life; you owe it to no one unless you choose to give it.

Well, it sounds like you're the adult in this situation! Very recognizable for me. Parents are not perfect. Nobody is. I totally agree with Sharkbait here, you have the right to set your own boundaries, and lead your own life! It's never easy when you disagree with (one of) your parent(s). Especially when you realize your parents are people too and they make mistakes, and don't always understand things the way you do. It takes guts to stand up in front of your loved ones. But sometimes you have to, because it's the only way to set a mark on your own individuality. I hope you can let all the negativity be for what it is, and live a life you want to live, not what others would want you to do. Good luck!

Well, it sounds like you're the adult in this situation! Very recognizable for me. Parents are not perfect. Nobody is. I totally agree with Sharkbait here, you have the right to set your own boundaries, and lead your own life! It's never easy when you disagree with (one of) your parent(s). Especially when you realize your parents are people too and they make mistakes, and don't always understand things the way you do. It takes guts to stand up in front of your loved ones. But sometimes you have to, because it's the only way to set a mark on your own individuality. I hope you can let all the negativity be for what it is, and live a life you want to live, not what others would want you to do. Good luck!