Arrrghh

Post Reply New Topic

IS it possible to have support from people in such a way that they don't constantly want you to be someone else who does things they approve of and doesn't do things they don't approve of?

It isn't, is it.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
It probably isn't highly probable
That's why if I really need advice and or support, I ask myself
well that's not always the #1 best choice either

I wish I could be what people want me to be. Ain't gonna happen, though. Not in this lifetime.

It is possible.

Set up a blind trust with you as the sole beneficiary, and where the funds come from anonymous free-will donations.

Its not so easy an answer I think. Living and interacting sucessfully with people usually require lots of communication and compromise. Sometimes you look for the rightest answer, and often there are multiple right answers.

I don't know specifically the types of things you mean, but if I had to guess it involves your approach to life and what you do being at variance with the majority (NTs) frequently. That is the case with me, and much of it directly relates to my Aspie nature, which exsists along with my NT aspects and personal beliefs and choices.

Its my opinion that Aspie nature (if it is that) is not always the right or a good approach. Its a set of tendencies that do not always fit every situation. Some of it is just fine. At times it might be totally right to insist on things as you prefer, and at others you might have to really communicate with a person openly to see that there are valid points on both sides and a compromise is the best choice. And it can happen your aspie instinct is a bad choice in the situation in the social context (family or friends).

I don't go to this level most times, but do find it best with people close and important to me.

Thank you all for responses so far.

@ Fnord, i don't know if you meant it as a joke, but I thought it was funny!


@ Toy_Soldier yeah, I agree with you. I'm finding myself in a bit of a tricky situation which I do not feel equipped to handle - after all, if we could just switch the Aspie nature off and on, we wouldn't have any issues! I try really hard to modulate my behaviour but when I am under duress, I cannot do this, or cannot do it as well, and the external world is not going to necessarily wait for me to get my act together.

I need to address a lot of very delicate issues with family and I am terrified of doing this as I don't know how to do it without upsetting them. I was asked if it was possible to find an external party to help..but I am not even diagnosed so I don't know what to do. How do I explain things to them so that they accept it..(I told my Mother I suspected Aspergers last year and year before. I just told her about it again and she says this is the first time she hears about it. How do you have an honest conversation with someone who just isn't prepared to hear what doesn't suit them??)

Not in my experience, no.

Qualification: some health professionals, but they need to be taught basic boundaries.

Friends and family? Dream on...

I was being serious. I'm not sure that it's legal though ...

Arrghh is right. That is a tough situation.

I think one of the common predispositions of Aspies is a large ammount of self-absorption or self centeredness. But its not the same as selfishness. I think Asperger nature just is ever an inward driving pressure, so as such I try to be careful before advising focusing on the self.

I am not sure of particulars here so am guessing to a degree. But it sounds like the priority is taking the time to investigate your own issues. Decisions are apt to go awry when made with too many uncertainties.

Just as a hypothetical example, say your Mom wanted to move in with you, but you weren't sure you could handle it. You kind of have to take to time to become sure to make the best decision. If you have certain atributes it may become predictable that it would end up with you breaking down. Doing no good and only harm. Plus when its a case of them not believeing you have a real condition, its not right to expect you to have to collaspe just to prove it was true.

Even though you are not sure it sounds like you are fairly cognizant of the interplay of natures. But it is not surprizing that a parent has difficulty accepting it. Denial and finding something else to blame is a very common parental reaction. NTs are using the standard mental operating system, but it does not mean they are any wiser or exercise good judgement.

So I might try to delay dealing with what can be delayed and first try and come to a better understanding with your family on the possibilty of Aspergers. Even as well adjusted as possible, aspergers is a game changer of sorts. They won't be able to come to the table with reasonable expectations until they have some understanding.

I do feel like I am poking at too much air with guesswork, but I hope some at least is at least on target.

It's rare but not impossible.

Thank you so much, you were very much spot on (although mother does not wish to move in lol, just for me to be in touch more often). I am taking time for myself after a particularly nasty and unexpected meltdown, but it's been so long since I've had one this bad, we've all forgotten that it can happen. And we've never thought to ascribe my issues to a collection of symptoms..I don't think my family could really cope with the idea of me not being perfect. Even though they are always having to deal with the side effects...I will never understand this selective blindness in people..

Anyway, thank you so much for your words, it means a lot knowing I am not alone or completely crazy ..

I don't know if some people are capable of understanding. Or believing.