When something that is the right thing goes and feels wrong

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It's kind of a long story. (Btw pardon my spelling)
Something happened at the middle of my senior year last year that still really bothers me. I noticed that one of my best friends didn't come to school, and when I asked around no one knew where she was. Because I care about her (and an overall caring for humans) I texted her, which was out of character for me in the first place. She called me in tears,and I told her to text me because I couldn't understand what she was saying. Someone that I (wish I could still) consider my sister told me she got raped. She wasn't the type to make things up or start drama, so I knew she was telling the truth.
I've been in her situation before, and I asked her what I could do. I hurt for her and I genuinely was empathetic and wanted to help. over the days of the weekend, she told me the whole story, and she texted me "I want to ruin his life socially."
I told her that wasn't the answer, but that she needed to tell someone. She didn't want to tell anyone, and while I understood completely, I knew that it needed to be set right. I had let someone go, and I still regret it. I swore to myself that I'd convince her to tell the guidance councilor, or I'd tell myself. I felt like I couldn't let who hurt her win and I couldn't let her make the same mistake.
I talked to my mom first and she told me the same thing, that it would be the right thing to do. Monday morning came and I got to school shaking,still unable to convince her.
"I'll try one more time, but I have to get her help."
When I found her, I only made things worse. She was already in tears and she begged me no let it go. I told her that he hurt her, that I only want to help, and I started crying and panicking. Over and over in my head, all I could think was "she needs my help, I need to help her, she's hurt, I need to help her"
My more level headed friend came and calmed us both down and berated me that emotion wouldn't help in any situation my friend had gotten herself in (since neither one of us would tell her what). I went through first period hating myself for acting like I did, and trying to ignore the urge to cry more, but by second period I was a wreck. My teacher, who has been my absolute favorite since before i even got in high school, pulled me outside and I busted out. I had sworn to help her and I couldn't handle the stress, so she wrote me a pass to the school councilor.
I told him about the situation and all the details and he told me I did the right thing. I emailed him the texts as proof, and by fourth period I got an angry text from her. "What have you done?! The police are involved!! Why did you do this?" At that point I didn't care who saw, I started sobbing in class. My teacher was kind enough to walk me down to the office and talk to me, also saying I did the right thing. The officers said I did the right thing, even though she had lied. I don't understand how anyone had found that out (I had only told my mother, my favorite teacher, and the councilor.) But there was already a rumor that I lied and wanted to ruin their lives. I called my parents to bring me home, I felt sick from the guilt and I couldn't deal with the hate I would get. I went home, and my dad told me it was the right thing.
I couldn't sit at the lunch tables near anyone I knew because they either hated me or they wouldn't drop it, or I was too ashamed of hurting my friend to face anyone who DID support me. Anyone who asked for the truth got it from me. I told them I didn't want to make things bad. I thought she was hurt but she never got raped, she was never hurt. I only told what I was told.
It's been almost a year since then and I can't let it go. Why did doing the right thing make things bad? Why am I still so guilty for doing something I hated my self for not doing myself? Should I have kept my mouth shut or did I really do the right thing, even though she lied?

It happened.

By trying to do the 'right thing', it doesn't always make you immune from any fall out. Sometimes, you're damned either way, just by being there.

By Monday morning, you had been stewing and worrying. You did the best you could.

Sometimes I am told things by children. If I believe that they are at risk - I have to pass that information on. One, it's a professional obligation. Two, what happens if something horrible happened because I kept quiet? However, I always make it clear to the child that I will do so, if I believe that child is at risk - because I cannot betray someone who is confiding in me.

If I got any fallout over this - that's the way that life is.

I relate in a way to your situation - my sister went through something like this, trying to do the right thing, and it destroyed all her confidence at a time when she needed it the most.

How much can you punish yourself until it's all done? Let it go. You don't need to carry this anymore. Or, just spend an hour, two, beating yourself up until enough is enough...do you see the futility?

In emergencies you have to do what you think best. But in the situation you were in, your heart was in the right place but it was your friend's choice whether to press charges (if it had actually happened) so I think it would have been better to continue to work to help her to resolve the issue, but not make choices for her. Pressing charges is not an easy thing and she would come under both scrutiny and suspicion and need to have the determination to persevere thru it. Unless you saw an emergency develop and her become suicidal or something like that. Then you might have to act.

As you saw, people are very unpredictable. It seemed to be a case of making up a story, though I can't rule out it did happen and she hid it by saying it didn't. I guess the lesson there is to not jump to conclusions or take things at face value automatically but to keep your mind open. 'Things are not always what they seem'.

Thank you both so much. Even as I read your replies, It makes me feel better. All anyone told me is "You did the right thing.", when I felt like I didn't.

You're right, I just tend to focus on how I can fix things and how to make everyone happy that I miss the whole point of helping.



I actually laughed at this. I felt like just hearing it I was damned, because my empathy over ruled my logic. I'm so wonderfully kind that I damn myself.

As you mention, the emotional state is not a good time for making decisions. That is something I still must check myself about and its because of learning the hard way.

It was a very difficult call to make so don't be too hard on yourself. In the final analysis it is yourself that will have to live with the knowledge of your decisions. Others may feel differently, but I think you erred in the right direction. I think its better to fall on your face from leaning too far forward, then fall on your butt from delaying/avoiding things till its too late.

As for your classmates, groups usually go down to the lowest common denominator which in a large group is usually very low. Whenever someone stumbles they can see it as a opportunity to move up a notch by putting them down. Its sometimes called 'Pecking Order' and comes from Chicken behavior, and is not very far from it, or worth considering for very long.

I've tried to be objective since then, still expressing empathy but pushing it away when stating my opinion or making a decision. It's the hard way, but it's more meaningful that way.