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Lately, more and more, I have begun to feel like I am being emotionally yanked around, like a yo-yo, or marionette. Paranoia, delusions, doom and gloom. It seems like I am being unwillingly dragged to search out things to make me afraid, or angry, or paranoid.

So many places on the internet that I am only recently noticing. Conspiracy theory sites and videos. Doomsday pages. Everything from invasion by aliens from outer space to invasion or attack on America by terrorists or whomever. Even warnings that the comet Ison is going to create e situation affection electrical energy, whatever. Anything and everything that I never even considered or thought about before, I am now drawn too like a moth is drawn to a flame.

And I want no part of any bit of this crap that is being forced into my head.

I dont know what the hell to do.

I can't say that I am currently thinking about taking my own life, but all of this crap being forced into my head has made me begin to assemble the resources to do so should one of these doomsday scenarios were to suddenly manifest.

The problem is, I kinda believe in what people would call "self fulfilling prophecy". And I am beginning to think that dragging all of this stuff into my head could actually influence the reality of existence.

I am starting to become scared s**tless paranoid. I have been calling to get an appointment with my Psychiatrist all week and they will not respond. I feel like they are ignoring me because they know I am just delusional and that if they called me in and gave me an appointment that I would just talk myself silly for an hour, get it out of my head, then not be seen or heard from again for months at a time, not maintaining any kind of set schedule of visits with them. I don't think they take me seriously.

My Psychiatrist, btw, is in the VA system, so they are already overwhelmed with actual mental emergencies that they might view as more important than any issues I might have.

Anyone else have experiences like this? The paranoid delusions, and the feeling that your mind is being manipulated to feel this way and look for things to feed my paranoia?

Just because you think they are out to get you, doesn't necessarily mean they aren't.

I'd suggest you watch some of Alex Jones' videos, starting with the twin towers and moving on to the Bilderberg stuff. Jones makes a fairly rational case for what you are calling paranoia.

Intellectualising it might help you to feel better in yourself.

In the meantime, try to avoid fora populated by the tinfoil hat brigade.

If I understand correctly you don't really want to view all that stuff but can't stop yourself?

Yeah with the VA its pretty frustrating, but if you are persistant they have to see you. Maybe you can get a different doctor? Things change. Maybe an anti-anxiety med might help?

I can identify with feeling compelled to read about things one finds disturbing (for me, it was torture techniques during the European witch trials.) Perhaps feeling like you know everything about it can give you a feeling of control over the scary information? No external source is compelling you, just your own internal psychological mechanisms.

I don't know why you would kill yourself BECAUSE a disaster might happen. Wouldn't you die either way? Why not wait and see how things turn out? You could always save your suicide for when you actually see the comet heading into the atmosphere, or the UFOs landing, or whatever.

I am also an avid consumer of conspiracy theories. Not all of them survive in my brain, but I still love to read them, even if I totally disagree. They are like a drug for me, in a way...

This. Also bear in mind that many of these websites are visited by trolls and disinformation agents so any comments sections in conspiracy sites I'd totally disregard.
Add to that, some of what Alex Jones does is sensationalism and over connecting the dots for the benefit of his own fanbase and image. He makes a living through what he does, so much like your other media outlets for news and conspiracies you should siphon through what he says and take the excess with a pinch of salt.

An antidote against this.

Let's just pretend the above is true and could happen. For every negative conspiracy theory you drag into your head, you are countered with thousands of people who think the opposite.

Thus if there is some sort of collective power in this, the 'self fulfilling prophecy' will not come about.

Now, if you don't see yourself as a collective, but as a complete individual (which, if you continue down the road of paranoia you will realise just isn't true ), you'll realise that it's your own reality of existence that will change - in other words, just a perception, and worth as much as your imagination.

So both bases are covered. Breathe slow and easy, and take a holiday from all this rubbish which really doesn't mean anything anyway. You're born, you live, you die, you come back again...everything else is just padding

I kind of look at it this way:

"They" are trying to push me over the edge into insanity, and I am desperately piloting my brain trying to avoid this. It probably isn't true most of the time, but it is a useful metaphor for many situations.

I am beginning to find that many of these doomsday sites and videos are really Christian oriented fabrications trying to hasten the "end times", " second coming". Idiots who actually hope for the end of mankind, chaos, destruction, suffering and death just in order to fulfill their understanding of what they read in the Bible.

Hoping for massive death and destruction in order to manipulate and create the "second coming"

A bunch of sick MF'ers!! !

There's a lot of people out there predicting doomsday. The fall of the economy, having to live in bunkers, having to bug out, etc, etc, etc. I've been hearing this my entire adult life. But, guess what? With all this Chicken Little talk, people are still living their lives, getting married, having kids, buying houses, etc. The sun is still rising every morning. The cycle of life still goes on

What I'm saying most of the things we worry about never actually happen. Just worry about the things you need to worry about. Whatever you need to take care of, take care of. Anything else.......not really a concern. It's a lot easier said than done, I know, and I still struggle with the what-ifs. But more and more I'm able to just worry about only things that matter. I pretty much had to quit listening to the radio and watching the news, but I'm better off for it.