Family completely opposite of me
My family has been almost always on the other side. i'm an atheist, they're christian. I'm more liberal, they're more conservative. I'm bi-curious, they're homophobic and dont like it in any way shape or form. i've only recently discovered i may have aspergers, and it has answered quite a few questions of why i've always been bitter and cynical in life, unable to cope and having no answers.
my family has, unknowingly, only been making it worse. when i was young, my sisters picked me up from school on a daily basis and played music VERY loud, while i sat in the back near the speakers, they sing very loudly and i'm the only one who apparently feels pain from this. i also had no male cousins or siblings i could easily connect with, my dad was working most of the time, so i spent almost all my life by myself (since my female cousins didnt want to hang out with me when i was young or currently of that matter), playing video games or drawing. and throughout the years they have dismissed my symptoms as me just being paranoid, or that i'm doing it to irritate everyone.
more recently, i havn't been able to connect with girls easily, and i havn't had a girlfriend because of this, i can't read flirts, i don't get subtle hints, and it's starting to get to me. i just feel more and more lonely in my life, having nobody to talk to about my problems, or feel a connection with. I've only asked out about 4 girls all together, 1st being the absolute worst one, as she misunderstood what i asked and said "yes" but later said she had a crush on someone else and cancelled later on, the next few just gave me dismissive rejects like "i'm not ready for a relationship" or "it would probably just be awkward"
while driving at night im extremely irritated by lights, thinking people are putting their brights on. I have a twitch i can't control easily, i shake my legs constantly without realizing it (annoying many of my family members, who just think im doing it to piss them off)
it's just...all starting to get to me. I don't find much to be happy about anymore.
sorry if this post is fairly poorly constructed, first one here.
It takes time to come to understand what ASD is and if you have it, etc. But it does not cause bitterness, cynicism, inability to cope or being unable to find solutions. Those can be things that develop as a result of not learning how to function effectively with autistic conditions, or even be unrelated.
You have to figure out first if that is what you have (ASD) and then apply yourself to learning how to manage your autistic tendencies. Its usually not easy, so your success will depend mostly on how hard you work at it.
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