.....Help

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I'm not one to mince words, so I'll just say it outright. My life sucks. Not in the teenage aspect of "god nobody understands me, I'm so pissed at the world and nobody cares about me" sort of suck, but the more serious "what am I even still doing here?" sort of suck. Again, I'll cut right down to it. I'm 21 years old, still living at home, have never had a job over 3 months (a summer job at a day camp), no health insurance, meaning my mother has to pay for absolutely everything medically related out of her pocket, hardly any friends (as opposed to acquaintances, which I can talk to, but not really do anything with), and I'm in my room almost all day every day, only leaving (for the most part) to eat and use the bathroom. It's not that I don't WANT to leave my room and do things; it's that I'm better off not doing so. I live in a family in which everyone has a mental illness of some sort. Reactive attachment disorder, bipolar, depression, autism, napoleon complex, and oppositional defiant disorder. In other words, if I were to go downstairs and do things, I would end up arguing with one of my siblings, and then being yelled at by my mother, followed by extreme pent-up aggression. I bought a punching bag to release some of that energy, though I have yet to hang it, as I can't do it by myself.

I'm someone that MIGHT secretly be an extrovert, but I have nobody to do anything with, so I'm just here stuck at home. I could go out and do things by myself, but then I just look like a lonely bastard who has nothing to live for. I've never been in a relationship, I've never been invited to any sort of social event (outside of my family), I've never had a real job, as stated before, and I've never been someone associated with "fun".

All of this adds to my (clinical) depression. I'm 21 and still at home. I've turned in a countless number of applications for employment, ending up with nothing. I'm going stir crazy. I want to go out on my own, and start my own life, but I can't! I want to be able to have someone to be with, someone to hold, someone to love. But I somehow end up with nothing. All of this just runs through my head every day, making me depressed, sad, and not knowing what to do at all.


Can anyone help me? Please? I'm really not looking for the "forced" optimism like "oh, everything will be fine, keep your head up and don't lose hope!" because that is, in fact, forced. I need something that comes naturally.

Please.

You sound depressed. Based on what you've posted, I have two suggestions.

1. Get a job, part time/full time, doesn't matter, just get a job. Since you don't seem to have much work history, and haven't had time to develop work skills, go to employment agencies for help in finding a job. The local state employment office can also help with that. They can also give you a questionnaire to fill out that will help to identify your strengths and interests, which can help you aim your job hunting toward work of interest that you can do well at.

+ Agency Tip: The agencies prefer that you only register with one of them, but you are allowed to register with as many as you want, and should do so. This increases your chance of getting work. You can choose to work full time, part time, temp, or temp-to-hire (permanent). If you are signing up as a temp, definitely sign up with all the agencies in the area. Some temp assignments are long term, and some are short term. You need to be with all the agencies to get more temp work. I did a lot of temp work over the years. Once I even had a full time assignment, followed in the evening by a part time assignment. A couple of times I had assignments that ended part way through the day or week, and managed to get another assignment the same day or week because I was registered with all the agencies.

+ Work Tip: You need to plan on transportation to/from work. If you don't have a car, you will need a relative to drive you, or take a bus/train/ or ride your bike, or walk. I did ride my bike to a couple of assignments. One was only a couple of blocks away, the other was in the next town, but my car was on the sick list, and I needed the pay check to fix it, so Mr. Bike took me to work for a while. lol

2. Take up a hobby or get involved in community or charity work. Since you probably don't have a lot of money to spend on a hobby right now, how about joining a reading group at the library. If they don't have one--guess what?! You can start one! And, it doesn't cost anything to go to the library, unless you are returning overdue stuff. If you aren't interested in joining a reading group, you can also give talks on things of interest to you, or attend similar meetings at the library. Libraries aren't just about books. I once attended a gardening talk at my local library. There is a lot going on at libraries, and it's usually free.

You should do both the job and the hobby. You really need to get out and do stuff, and be with other people. Unfortunately, the people at home--family--are not healthy contacts for you. I get along best with my own family when we are not together. But there are billions of other people out there you haven't met yet. Go on! Get out there and meet some of them!

Laziness comes 'naturally'. I didn't see any paper when I was born guareenteeing life would be easy. Beat it or it beats you. That simple.

I don't take kindly to insults. At all. Just because I'm not employed does not mean I'm "lazy". I've been told that I'm (one of) the hardest working volunteers that someone has ever seen.

I'll ask you to refrain from putting me down, especially being that you don't know me in person

Don't mean to insult you. Just trying to see things the way they are. Consider how the above statement sounds and what it accomplishes.

Ah, thank you for clarifying. It DOES sound a bit lazy, but personally, I think it's more "forced seclusion" than anything else. By staying in my room, I don't have to come in contact with my siblings (which has been advised by psychotherapists), therefore removing troubles within the family.