Well, I'm pretty sure I f****d up all my modules at uni. I probably failed spectacularly. But I guess if were to find one positive out of the situation, at least I didn't chicken out last minute like the last time I f****d up when i didn't even submit any work.
Not that it makes me feel any better. I feel really s**t, like my life has lost all meaning and that I will never amount to anything. Isn't that f*****g pathetic? I'm in my 20's and I still haven't evolved past the maturity of a teenage emo. Oh well, I guess that doesn't matter anymore. I don't even know why I'm writing this. There is nothing I can do now but just hope that they'll be merciful enough to give me the most marginal of passing grades there are. Even so, that won't take away the humiliation and the shame of being such a spectacular f**k up.
That's all I seem to do is fail. There are so few things I'm actually proud of about myself. And the one thing that gave me even the most marginal amount of self worth may be completely gone. My identity, gone just like that. I should probably persist anyway and I should probably just brush off this failure and try my darndest to overcome this hurdle, but after so much disappointment I am exhausted. I'm just tired of everything. I don't want to be myself anymore (which is quite possibly the most childish thing ever). I just want to disappear, quite honestly. I'm so ashamed of my perpetual failure as a human being.
I'm sorry, I don't like to be so self indulgent, but it simply cannot be avoided. I'm so tired and I just want it all to be over.
05 Dec 2013, 12:50 pm
