Need some help....(updated)

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RComplex
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04 Dec 2013, 11:56 pm

So a friend of mine has reached out to me that she is losing her home in July and needs help moving to Texas. I tentatively agreed expecting her to change her mind (which she is prone to doing), but she is dead set on it. So after shopping for a place to stay, she springs it on me that she has a boyfriend that she's been seeing via Skype that is going to move in with us. Thing is, he has no job and a truck that is ready to kick the bucket anyday now.

Also she can only raise a $1000 from her disability checks to help cover some of the move and needs to borrow funds from me during the move. After some number crunching I came up with $2500 for me to move out. That's almost $300 in gas to drive to Seattle, Washington and $300 to get back. $250 to rent a Uhaul trailer because I can't rent the truck (according to her) and $330 to install a trailer hitch. I planned to stay at hotels en route to Washington State, but she insists we sleep in the truck at rest stops to save $$$. I planned for extras including road side emergencies which is about $300-500 alone, not including the maintanence to my truck prior to the move.

Out of that money I'm supposed to buy everything on the way back to Texas for the apartment, including TV, towels, etc. Most of the money I had planned for was for the apartment rent and fees. By the time I make it back to Texas I'll be broke. Worse, her boyfriend isn't contributing anything due to the fact he can't find/hold a job.

The talk of repayment for my expenses is usually food, etc. Nothing monetary to compensate for the fact I'm killing myself at my register daily to make the money I need to move. The more I think about it the more I feel used and the more she continues with this sob story that she's going to be homeless. I can't escape the fact that the boyfriend (whom I've never meant) has supposed "social anxieties" that prevent him from working. D:>

That aside, my family life has been complicated by the fact my mom might have had a mini stroke and my aunts chest X-Ray turned up a black spot on her lung. In short, I'm in some deep stuff here. Mostly this move thing is the primary subject of this post, because she's constantly trying to drive a wedge between me and my family because of her family life sucking. I feel so stuck right now. I've already told her that I'm having second thoughts and she's begging me to reconsider in every text. Unfortunately she has access to my cell phone which is draining because she is constantly negative.

I truly need to nip this in the bud. Any suggestions? Anything would help as I need a fresh set of eyes on this subject quickly. Much thanks in advance :D

[update] - after announcing I was backing out yesterday, I got several texts from her boyfriend (an unknown 817 number) asking why I backed out. Just as well countering everything I told her in my text. Apparently he wants to meet me in person halfway to Dallas,I haven't responded back, nor planning to meet either of them anytime soon. Help?


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Last edited by RComplex on 06 Dec 2013, 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

tall-p
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05 Dec 2013, 12:05 am

Don't do this. You are being used in my opinion. The last thing in the world you want is to spend all of your money to bring your friend to a Skype boyfriend who doesn't have a job... and that you are supposed to live with. Say "NO." Blame it on your mother's condition if you have to... and don't give her a nickel of your money. You will never see it again.


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RComplex
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05 Dec 2013, 12:22 am

tall-p wrote:
Don't do this. You are being used in my opinion. The last thing in the world you want is to spend all of your money to bring your friend to a Skype boyfriend who doesn't have a job... and that you are supposed to live with. Say "NO." Blame it on your mother's condition if you have to... and don't give her a nickel of your money. You will never see it again.


Thanks for your reply tall-p. I've been stressing out over this for the last couple of weeks and I've only begun to wise up. I've been literally and physically sick from all this worry. Trust me I don't like the fact that she has taken control of everything once I showed interest. I haven't officially said yes to her, but she's taking it like I did.

I think the warnings are pretty clear, I've just been having trouble sifting through it all.


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questor
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05 Dec 2013, 12:38 am

Yes, I can help! Try direct communication of concept! Here is what you tell her. See below.

1. My offer to help you move in with me does not include your non paying deadbeat boyfriend under any circumstances. That is engraved in stone.

2. I calculated the costs of the move and the rent both my way--sleeping in motels, and your way--sleeping in the car, etc. Neither way is affordable even without the deadbeat included, so I must withdraw the offer. I simply can't afford it.

3. Since I made that offer to you my mother and my aunt have developed health issues that mean I will have to be spending time helping them out, so I won't have the time or the energy to help you move even if you should find the money for it.

I suggest you use it just as I've written it, and if she freaks--very likely--just tell her to blame me. I can take it. Besides this girl is a people user, not a true friend, so if she dumps you as a friend, you really haven't lost a friend because she isn't one.

Now, to avoid having to deal with her hysterics over the phone, send her items 1 through 3 above in an email. Allow her one nasty email in response, and send her a return email saying your sorry she feels that way, but you are sticking with that list. Allow her a couple more nasty emails, as it may take her a while to cool off, and to grasp that she isn't going to get her way by throwing a tantrum. If she keeps sending nasty emails after the third one, then block her emails and phone calls, and send her a polite dumping email. See below.

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I have no choice in this matter. Until you can react in a mature way to my not giving in to your unreasonable requests, I will be blocking your emails and phone calls .

Direct communication works very well. More people should use it, more of the time. I am sure this will help you. It will probably relieve you of a parasite, too. :lol:



tall-p
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05 Dec 2013, 1:20 am

RComplex wrote:
tall-p wrote:
Don't do this. You are being used in my opinion. The last thing in the world you want is to spend all of your money to bring your friend to a Skype boyfriend who doesn't have a job... and that you are supposed to live with. Say "NO." Blame it on your mother's condition if you have to... and don't give her a nickel of your money. You will never see it again.


Thanks for your reply tall-p. I've been stressing out over this for the last couple of weeks and I've only begun to wise up. I've been literally and physically sick from all this worry. Trust me I don't like the fact that she has taken control of everything once I showed interest. I haven't officially said yes to her, but she's taking it like I did.

I think the warnings are pretty clear, I've just been having trouble sifting through it all.

What is most important, in my opinion, is to make sure she understands that it is ALL off. You won't be giving her money, or anything else. Sorry... but it didn't work out. Can't do it.


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Toy_Soldier
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05 Dec 2013, 8:05 am

Sounds like you got suckered man. Boyfriend would nix the deal for me.



arielhawksquill
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05 Dec 2013, 10:18 am

This person is trying to use you.



RComplex
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06 Dec 2013, 3:57 pm

Ok I posted an edit up top explaining what happened last night. Apparently he is texting me now after I told her that I'm backing out. So he's wanting to meet in person and I have considered sending a text back to not text me and lose my number. So what do I do now?

I took a direct approach, leering her know how I felt about things. She sent some boohoo texts back, then tells me that he "fiancé" texted me and to get back to him ASAP. I haven't responded back to her.

Just need to know what to do now?


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tall-p
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06 Dec 2013, 4:02 pm

RComplex wrote:
Ok I posted an edit up top explaining what happened last night. Apparently he is texting me now after I told her that I'm backing out. So he's wanting to meet in person and I have considered sending a text back to not text me and lose my number. So what do I do now?

I took a direct approach, leering her know how I felt about things. She sent some boohoo texts back, then tells me that he "fiancé" texted me and to get back to him ASAP. I haven't responded back to her.

Just need to know what to do now?

Don't meet. The relationship is over. They just want YOUR money. Like you said... tell her to lose your number. Don't discuss it. Don't explain yourself.


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CharityFunDay
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06 Dec 2013, 4:47 pm

Tall-p has it right -- these people are just users, and you will never see your money again. Tell them to get stuffed.



arielhawksquill
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06 Dec 2013, 5:42 pm

There's no reason for you to talk to the fiance'. He's no friend of yours, and is only going to try to wheedle or bully you into letting them use you.



tall-p
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06 Dec 2013, 6:32 pm

arielhawksquill wrote:
There's no reason for you to talk to the fiance'. He's no friend of yours, and is only going to try to wheedle or bully you into letting them use you.

I agree! Turn off your phone. Answer NO messages from either of them. Don't even read what they send to you.


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thewhitrbbit
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06 Dec 2013, 9:39 pm

Good advice all around. I can't tell if she's legit trying to use you or if she's a weak person being manipulated by this guy, but either way, abort.



RComplex
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07 Dec 2013, 1:07 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Good advice all around. I can't tell if she's legit trying to use you or if she's a weak person being manipulated by this guy, but either way, abort.


Thewhitrbbit I agree, I can't tell if she's legit or not. I've since stopped talking to her. Thanks for all the help everybody :)


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