Brought to the brink of tears

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But I did not shed a single one.

School is nearly gonna be done for the semester, and all I can say is "I am a failure." I didn't try in any of my classes, honestly I keep claiming to be and intellectual, but I keep f*****g jacking off when I should be studying ! AAARRGGGHHHH!! !! ! I'm just so pissed right now, and the only excuse I have the only person who can be blamed is myself. I want to graduate, I want to be a good student, a good human being, but I don't think I know how... It's just that I look at all these facebook posts, and I just in general here people talking about there high final exam scores, and I know come tomorrow and the next day when my exams are I'm just gonna f*****g bomb both exams! I'm just a pathetic excuse for a human being! I don't deserve to live on this world, I'm about as alien as duck-billed platypus. I don't even have any pot to smoke to calm me down, or any alcohol, this is sober rage.

The only thing I'm looking forward to is that a girl I really like will be going to college this semester to, but alas she is till with her boyfriend. Now here is where I just crush all hope you had of me being a good person. I want them to break up, I want her to cheat on her boyfriend with me. Hell who knows I might just be able to this year, if I don't p**** foot around anymore. I still respect our friendship, and I know we would be so much better if we were more than just friends. Seriously here is how she has described her relationship between her and her boyfriend "I just like him," "I don't think I want to be with him forever," "I'm only going out with him because it's better than not having a boyfriend." But hey if I wanted her as a girlfriend I had more than several opportunities to ask her out, I just panzied out cause... well... that's what I always do. I f**k up with a the ladies EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN TIME!

I don't know though, my school has yet to spark any interest for learning out of me, this one thing I can't blame on myself. But everything else is my fault and it's the crushing of the burden of my faults that is just killing me slowly, I can't be me anymore. That's all I wanted I just want to be myself, but myself is just an image that others make, there is no such thing as a self-portrait into ones soul. All this pessimism isn't good for me.

I don't really know the advice that is to come after this point, it'll all probably just obvious statements, but statements that are true I guess. If I get any advice I would mainly just like to know if convincing this girl I like to have an affair with her boyfriend would be a good idea?

It's not being a failure, it's being human. As for your last question, you know the answer already. It seems like you hold yourself to an impossible ideal, and likely this girl too. Could it be you're enticed because she's unavailable? I get the sense that if your infatuation bore fruit, it would suddenly be much less appetizing.

Just IMHO, of course.