Having to cut somebody out of my life completely.

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I will give a little background on this person.

I met him in my 12-step fellowship about 2 and a half years ago. We had similar stories, so we started sticking together. Over this time, I have noticed that he has a tendency to casually drop people out of his life over imagined slights. If somebody cares about him too much, he decides to make up a reason to feel offended by something he may or may not be doing, and coldly sever all ties with that person.

He has done that with me several times over the last year. One time, he decided to sever ties because he felt hurt that I did not want to watch a porno film that he brought over to my place. Another time, he decided to feel hurt because he assumed that I was lying to him when I told him I was too sick to hang out with him that day - and I really was sick that day.

Several times, he read through lines that were not even there, and cut off contact with me for a month. Then, he decided to resume contact after extracting an apology out of me for the incredibly insensitivity he imagines I have.

This time, I decided I have had enough. Yesterday, I purchased advance tickets for the two of us to go to the movies tomorrow. We agreed on a 4:00 showing. I asked for 4:00 tickets when I purchased them. When I got home, I noticed the tickets I had were 1:00 tickets. I called him and explained what happened, and he appeared to be OK with it at the time.

Today, he started by leaving me a very nasty voicemail message about how he did not appreciate the fact that I thought he would be stupid enough to fall for such a blatant lie..... And of course, we both know there is no way I can prove that what I said actually happened. He went on and on about how hurt he was that I would lie to him and treat him like an idiot just so I could get matinee prices.

I sent him a text telling him that I was tired of his games, and that he should not bother trying to contact me until he learns to care enough about himself to let other people care about him. He responded by leaving three very aggressive voicemail messages within 10 minutes telling me that I had no right to "make an unsolicited inventory of him", and then he started going on and on about everything he has done for me and how ungrateful and stupid I am.....

I sent him a second text wishing him the best for his life, and then I blocked his phone number.

I don't wish him harm. I want to see him build himself up. Both of us are victims of severe abuse. I understand why he is acting the way he is acting. But I cannot be around him when he is behaving like this. I do not need to be around people that make me feel like my feet are always jackhammering the eggshells that are everywhere on the floor. That kind of relationship is not good for my own recovery.

I feel like crying. I guess I do feel a bit codependent. I really want to be around and support somebody who does not want a supporting hand. We have had many good and fun times over the last two years, and he really has helped me out over some dark times in my life. I do not want to appear unappreciative of that. But it is too painful when he decides to make up reasons to complain about how he is hurt by things that he imagines I am doing. And I see him doing that to virtually everybody around him. He is in my prayers, but I cannot have him in my life any longer.

My Sympathies.
I know something of the way you feel.
On the other hand, I believe that you are making the very best decision at this point in your life.
As well as for his. The boy needs to be shut off by someone - maybe many more someones - whom he has actually had relationships with, in order to realize that it's his treatment of them that is driving them away. And it very likely will not happen this time round - unless there is someone (not you - someone external to all this) to guide him through this realization.

Life is short. If I could go back and teach my younger self a few things, I would. Suffice to say that you are taking a healthy path, and a needed path, cutting him out of your life. Sometimes we need to do what is right for ourselves and rely on the universe to take responsability for the care and feeding of others. Whatever happens to him - whatever he may claim will happen to him (for he will most likely manage to get a hold of you again, by some means) - is no longer your responsability. Or your job.

Because a relationship - friend or lover - should never be a job.

He will obviously need to find someone that can help him (therapist, counselling, church services and pastors, etc). It's very difficult to be in a position like that or be in friends with someone who is like that.

All the best to you in finding positive influences in your life moving forward.

A long time ago, I also had a "friend" with whom I was in this situation. I am absolutely confident that you did the right thing. If you hadn't dropped him, he'd almost certainly have dropped you, and how much worse would that have made you feel? The guy needs to learn that a degree of faith and trust is essential to forming healthy, non co-dependent friendships.

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