Severely depressed with no hope.

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I'm so depressed it's unreal.I put a lot of effort into life but don't seem to get much back.I have severe anxiety and depression.It's a massive effort to do anything but I still force myself to keep going but deep down I know there is no hope for me and I'm just waiting to die.I just go through the motions of living but deep down I just want to curl up and die.I'm constantly battling unbearable and incurable problems.I just wish things would get better.I'm being pressured to find employment but nobody will employ me.I think this is because of my mental illness as people gossip.I 'm never quite accepted no matter what I do.They would rather accept horrible people than people who are mentally ill.They might not say that's the reason but I get the impression that's why.I saw the man I liked the other day with his girlfriend.He seemed to like me and flirt with me but it turned out he was just using me for an ego trip.I try to avoid talking to him now as he just wants to make me feel jealous by talking about his girlfriend.I was in town when i saw them and it took me all my strength to carry on doing shopping etc.I just wanted to just give up then and there.I can't kill myself as I don't have the courage.I' ve been trying to find work from home as I struggle to go out but I do loads of surveys etc. for months and haven't receiveda penny.It's not like I'm not willing to put the effort in but I don't get co-operation from people.I've come across so many home working scams.Even wuth the ones that seem genuine,it takes ages just to get a pay out.I'm being pressured but blocked at the same time and it's soul destroying.I'm just so tired of life.It's unbearable.

Are you seeing a doctor about the anxiety and depression? There may be meds that can help you with those and put you in a better frame of mind (and keep you there). Job search is usually a difficult process even in the best of times. Are there any government/state agencies that can help you. Many places have programs specifically to assist people with mental conditions. If you start making inquiries in that direction, you might be surprised what is available.

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Hi,

What you're describing sounds pretty classic for depression, that everything seems like such a struggle and with no point.

You can see a counselor, or not. Some are helpful, and some just aren't.

Another option is to see a regular doctor like an internist and request a prescription for an antidepressant, knowing that the first one may not be the one which works for your body's particular biochemistry. And it does typically take 4 weeks or more to tell. Also, it's often important to phase down from the medication in steps, even if it doesn't seem to be working.

Don't let an internist prescribe antidepressants, especially not if you really think you may have ASD. It makes things wonky sometimes, and a general practitioner just isn't trained to handle that.

An internist or GP can monitor and maintain them once you find something that works, but you will get much better results if you have a psychiatrist help you find the right med/s. And medication will not fix your thought processes-- it is just a crutch to help tip the chemical balance and make it easier for you to fix your thought processes, preferably with the help of either a very good friend, a very supportive family member, or a competent therapist.

About mental illness and employment-- It is not so much discrimination against anyone who has a mental illness, as it is the fact that people who are in the throes of a depressive episode just aren't attractive to hire. We don't project competence or confidence, we don't play the game well, we're not in a good place to take on new responsibilities, and we don't tend to hold jobs for very long or show up for work consistently even when we do.

I don't exactly blame people for not wanting to hire someone who's currently, actively, acutely depressed.

Sort out the depression-- by whatever means necessary, including crashing the damn mental health clinic and/or running up debt for the therapy, or dealing with the sucky quality of free therapy and educating yourself over the Internet or at your local public library. Once you are on your way out of that s**t, life will look better, and finding a job will be a more realistic (and less difficult) proposition.

Been there, done that, enjoyed being a fast-food employee out of all proportion to what's reasonable for the job (think SpongeBob here) (despite, or in some ways because of, Asperger's) WHEN I WAS NOT ACTIVELY AND ACUTELY DEPRESSED.

Get the depression on the mend. THEN evaluate life. Do not evaluate life from within depression. It will only make you feel worse.

What I have read is that something like Zoloft works great for some people and doesn't do a thing for others, and no doctor in the world can predict in advance. Just that everyone's biochem is a little different, and it really is trial and error in a respectful sense. Now, the upside, if a person gently tries a series of antidepressants, he or she might well be able to find one which connects with them. And what's really needed on the part of a doctor is feel and texture. For example, easing off if the side effects are bad, avoiding abrupt discontinuation. Now, I have no idea if it's safe to go directly from one SSRI (like Zoloft) to another. But hopefully, a doctor does, including an internist.

Plus, BuyerBeware, you've been around. You've heard people report outrageous things psychiatrists and other mental health professionals have told them. These are professionals who think they know about the Asperger's-Autism Spectrum, and they really don't. And in my own personal life, I have been quite unimpressed with so-called mental health 'professionals.' Other people here have had better experiences and more power to them. But for myself, I think I'm more inclined to go with a good generalist like an internist, who's basically just a modern day general practitioner.

You're right-- an intelligent internist is preferable to an ignorant psychiatrist.

I retract that portion of my quickly typed and poorly thought-out comment, and apologize for letting my fingers outpace my brain.

Thank you to everyone who has replied to my post.I recently got a new medication.I feel a bit better at the moment.I'm in my thirties and I'm on benefits for money because of my mental illness.I'm being pressured to get off benefits.I'm willing to work.I've spent ages on the internet looking for work from home.I'm limited in what I can do but I feel like I'm not accepted,I feel like giving up trying to get non-internet work in the real world as I've always felt outcast.I might be unacceptable to them but they're unacceptable to me as well,as they can be so horrible.No matter what I do I can't seem to be accepted.The strange thing is I'm nervous of being accepted even though I want acceptance.I think it's because I worry people might turn against me as that can happen for stupid reasons like if someone thinks you like someone they like(even if it's not true)and then they manage to turn others against me as well,which they do because they don't want to be bullied themselves.The man I have crush on I'm trying to avoid as he will just go on about his girlfriend .

Hi, one thing I recommend is being open to opportunities to add free positives to your life, the here and now, unrelated to whether or not they contribute to the job project. For example, I sometimes do research and see it I can find something for a wikipedia article. Now, most people are there for formal writing, more so than the topic itself. They really are. So, I haven't found teammates for a shared project, I don't feel I have. But at times I feel I've done some good work and have been proud of that. Another potential project is animal rescue. Depending on where you live there might be an organization which will welcome extra volunteers. Or, it could be like my experience with the Green Party which was as disorganized as anything else and disappointing.

I'd be a little careful about getting a job which might put your disability benefits at risk.  Maybe check with a disability rights advocate or maybe even a tax preparer with some expertise on disability issues.  Now, as far as jobs:

Don't overlook professional sales where you're a bridge person and explain something without overexplaining.  And as long as you bring in the sales, it's fine to have sone personality and be different and be authentically yourself.

Or, something in the trades like electrical or refrigeration work?

Or if you like something professional, maybe work seasonal with H&R Block and see if you're good with clients.  And I found that I am good with clients.

Sometime part-time or seasonal can be a good job to learn from, and these can be as hard to get as any other job, especially in a small town and yes, people do unfortunately listen to rumors.  You just might want to be pretty sure before continuing with a longer term job if it's going to endanger your benefits.

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post.I want to live as a recluse.I went to town today and it was horrible.The more I reach out the more isolated I am.I've met some horrible people today.The one person I talked to didn't think there was anything wrong with running animals over in his car. I'm scared to go out but sometimes I have to.I don't know what to do.I feel terrorised.

Sherry221B,I don't understand your reply.I hope you are ok.

Turquoise773, I feel the same way myself. I have severe anxiety and depression. Every little thing I do is a massive effort. Everyday I'm just waiting for my death to arrive. I don't just feel, I know that I have no hope. I used to be obsessed with video games, and that was my life, for my entire life, and now that is gone. I've been socially isolated for over 7 years. At group therapy, one girl recently smiled at me and talked to me and was nice to me, and it made me realize that I wanted to socialize again, even though I know I'll screw up over and over again and drive people away from me, and I'll most likely meet horrible people who just want to hurt me. That same girl recently got driven away from me because I told her she was the only thing that makes me happy. Such a petty reason, especially after I told her I was going to be awkward in the future most likely. I've had nothing but misery in the social department. But, I still want to socialize, even if I screw up, because I'm very close to killing myself. I had a plan for killing myself, but something got in the way, but I still sorta have a plan. I feel like socializing and succeeding at it is the only thing that is going to give my life any reason to keep going. But I know that I won't win, so I'm probably doomed. I don't want to wait until I'm old to die. I don't want to be bored and lonely for the rest of my life, this is torture. I'm especially scared of when my family all gets old and dies and I have to be all alone for the rest of my life. It's going to be horrible. I can't even get a job, I'm too scared, I'd rather die. And yet, I'm afraid of dying too. Because, if this life is so bad, why wouldn't it also be just as bad or worse after death? Life is just a lose/lose situation for me. I've tried lots of different medications, and it does nothing but make me much worse. I'm trying to get Electroconvulsive Therapy, but I have to wait a really long time before I am accepted, if I even get accepted. I'm scared of that too, because of the memory loss side effect. But, if it helps with the depression, it would be worth it. But, I'm worried that it won't even help with the depression, because nothing has helped with my depression ever before, except for when I am socially accepted, that's the only thing that made me feel good in a very long time, but people are not reliable, and will most likely let me down.

Sorry for the long message. This is just my way of empathizing with you. I hope you don't see this as hi-jacking your topic or something. I just want to help somehow.

GravitySpazer,your life seems very like mine.I find the trouble with social acceptance is the anxiety of it going wrong.So I just accept being an outcast now.At times in my life when I've been accepted and they weren't the friends I thought they were,it made me feel really bad for a long time.I would recommend talking to people but don't be too trusting or expect too much as if it goes wrong it will hit you harder.I think the cure for loneliness doesn't lie in other people,sometimes it can make you lonelier.It's best to be as independent as possible.Please don't kill yourself.Although I am waiting to die I'm going to try to make the best of life,even though it's really bad.It's such a difficult world to live in.If you kill yourself it will upset your family and if it went wrong you could end up worse off.I've wondered myself if there is an afterlife and if it's worse than this world but I just find life unbearable at times.I've recently been to the doctors and got some antidepressants and I feel better than I did,so perhaps you could go on these or change the type you're on if you're already on them.I changed the type I was on as they had stopped working.I think it would help you to get a hobby rather than go socialising when you are in this frame of mind as if you get rejected it will hit you harder but I don't think you should isolate yourself completely.It's good that you've posted on here.I have found the people on here have been very supportive.I hope things get better for you soon.