My dad and I

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I am literally at the "end of my rope" so to speak, with my dad right now. It feels like he is not supporting me on any issue at all.

Here is what precipitated this post. My sister and I have a very poor relationship with each other. She has used me in more ways than one and you cannot reason with her (i.e., she blows up). I have babysat her child while only being thanked twice. Nobody else in the family has had to watch her kid. It has been an immense lack of freedom for me for the last 3 years. Meanwhile, I have been working on an MLIS degree and I haven't really been able to spend enough time on getting a job. Yesterday, while I was in the bathroom, my sister calls and tells my dad she will probably spend a couple of days at our house with her 3 year old. I naturally have no ability to speak against my dad on this issue, lest he castigate me. So after the phone call is finished, I ask him what is going on. He says, marital problems, but says he knows nothing further. Feeling my freedom is imperiled and wanting to know more. I call my mom and ask her about what is going on. She tells me the whole story and I keep the phone in my room for about an hour while I think about hanging out with a close friend. When I finally take the phone out, my dad catches me walking towards the phone charger and asks me if I was talking to my mom, and I say yes. He gets really quiet for a second and says "Jesus Christ, R..., I wish you wouldn't report everything." He walks towards the bathroom and hits the wall (not hard) but enough to make a noise, like he is banging a table. So when he comes back out to the kitchen, I tell him that I was just trying to find out what was going on. So he tells me that "G-dd--n it, she's my daughter too." So I head to my room and start crying without responding.

I just feel like my relationship with my dad has gone downhill really bad in the last few years. I mean, we didn't really get along before him and my mom divorced. He certainly didn't make any effort to understand what it is like for me to deal with Asperger's and he rejected my homosexuality when I came out to him. He thinks I am bad for not wanting to get involved with my sister, who has only used me, and I feel like he never listens to me on anything. I have been a damn good son to him and I do my best to help out around the house wherever it is necessary.

Note to self: Keep your distance from all family members who either don't understand Autism or refuse to accept you have it.

I don't have any advice for you, I'm afraid, but I sympathize and am sending emotional support your way. *hugs*

Your dad is hurt because you talked to your mum about your sister behind his back. He feels invalidated. He probably didn't realize the info he gave you wasn't enough. He feels like you value your mum more than him. That's why he was upset.

He is your sister's father too, not just your father. He feels responsible for her welfare as a parent. That is why he has asked her to stay at his house. You are not his only child. Your mother is not her only parent. That's what he meant by saying , "she's my daughter too."

Sounds like a whole lot of miscommunication. Possibly your dad is the kind of man who doesn't like to talk about stuff. Maybe he feels it's not manly. That's a
Pity. Have you explained how you feel your sister is using you? Maybe they don't really understand how you feel. Can you all sit down and talk it over?