Reality exists, even if you are not looking at it

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People tell me not to read the news, because I get scared of them.

I say that reality doesn't cease to exist, just because I don't read the news.

Others tell me that I can do nothing against the news stories. That I just have to enjoy life and only act upon the events that will happen in the moment.

I say that I'd rather prioritize my mental resources preparing myself for the violent, dramatic death by suicide that will occur if anything in my life is about to change.
If I enjoy life too much, I will not be able to comprehend the tragedy of a sudden stop to my welfare and wellbeing, putting me in the streets at best, forcing me to do compulsory labor at worst.

I'd rather be dead. Even if it means hours in intense pain and anxiety due to the suffocation that I will undoubtedly experience in the moments before my death.

I believe that the more prepared I am for my suicide, the better I will be able to carry it out. It's a decision (to prepare myself for a painful death, rather than enjoying life) I have to make now, not in 5 or 10 years when it actually is about to happen.

My experience in life is that the more prepared I am, the less effects does it have upon me.
So, for instance, an extremely suffocating death with a lot of pain involved, would still be hurting a lot, but not as much as if I am prepared.

Despite my Aspergers I still have ability to fantasize.

I think you are advancing... to the rear. Spending so much mental energy on planning for failure is counter-productive (and depressing), and takes away from what you really need to be focusing on which is living your life, facing challenges and solving problems.

These are real issues. And issues I have struggled with at different times of my life. Philosphy has provided maybe partial answers, in both existentialism and utilitarianism, although hedonism for me often feels dry. I long for connection and striving with worthwhile endeavors, and this can be a heck of a lot easier said than done. Perhaps the novels of Irwin Shaw have helped me as much as anything else.

I want you to stay alive if for no other reason than you're one of us, even if the only activism you do is occasionally inform people about the spectrum when they bring up the topic. Even if people merely suspect you may be on the spectrum, you're still one more of us. Although I'd love for you to start a business, create jobs, and cut through that usual HR regimented BS.

And medicine is a field I've kind of re-discovered in my middle years, wish I would have discovered it early. Seemingly endless vistas to explore, although very much a closed fraternity in other ways. Or economics is another field where people really need help, a banking crisis and partial collapse and then a knee-jerk reaction of supporting austerity.

I want you to stay here and stay kicking in whatever endeavor.

*delete*

OP I share your worries.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer: Which novel(s) of Irwin Shaw would you say are most helpful in this regard?

I liked 'Bread Upon The Waters' and 'Evening in Byzantium.' Both are great but flawed, I guess pretty much like everything.