Is trying to be normal a chore?

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Just a whinge, really, but here goes.

I have a great deal of trouble 'being normal' (for want of a better phrase) in social situations, and it's beginning to frustrate and depress me more than it ever has.

For example, I get the urge to share whatever's on my mind without any regard for the other person; I tend to talk at people, usually passing on some fascinating fact or other or memory of my childhood. A few days ago, I was in the kitchen while my wife was cooking. I was going on about the difference between clementines and tangerines, and all the while the voice inside was saying "Shut up!". Suddenly, she went a bit red in the face and said "Please go away". I was mortified, and this brought home just how infuriating I can be.

I'm trying to just think stuff rather than actually say it, but it's a huge effort, all I seem to think about now is "Just think it".

Do you have the same trouble, and what do you find is effective for not annoying anyone you're with?

it really depends on who you consider to be the boss of your world.
if you think you are the boss, then your life will follow your thoughts, but if you consider others to be more influential than you, you will lose.
i can not understand death.

johnners,
First off thanks for using the word "whinge." I really like that word.
Secondly, I can certainly relate to your conundrum. I used to say whatever came into my mind without much of a filter, because it felt so good to express my inner thoughts on various subjects or to make witty remarks, etc. Until I got fired because I said something stupid. Then I went through some therapy and realized, "Wow, the world is a dangerous place. Best to keep my thoughts inside." So now I'm careful with what I say, and I use scripts to communicate with the "outside world."
That's all there is to it. It's about survival. NTs don't like Aspies who talk too much. Like a pack of dogs, they will bite you if you bark too much.
It's important to keep "my world" (which I love so much) protected from the outside.

Short answer, yes.

I caught myself talking too much about our family's Christmas instead of listening to another person's. It is a constant battle.

Its good to hear from other married male Aspies on this website;, if you read the Love and Dating section one might come away with the impression that Aspies are incapable of finding a mate, which of course is silly since its a genetic condition - got to come from somewhere.

I seem to either talk too much or too little. I always beat myself up inside about it.

My mum says that I ''go on and on'' when she's trying to watch something on the TV. It is hard for me because she can be talking away to others in the room, then just as I find the right time to join in and share my thoughts and opinions relavent to the conversation, something randomly comes on the TV what's interesting enough for them to have to listen (like their favourite advert what I had no idea would come on at this exact second I decide to open my mouth). So it's not like it's always my fault, it's just bad timing-slash-Murphy's Law. But then I get accused of ''going on and on'', when all I've said is one sentence! But then when I'm sitting there observed in a book, I get criticised for not joining in. So it's one of those situations I can't win in, and then people wonder why I get so angry. I struggle socially, but it's like people make it more of a struggle for me than what it should be.

''You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't'' situations really do irk me so bad that it often causes an angry meltdown.

Yes its a chore. Yes you have to do it. If you don't bad stuff happens. Like never doing the dishes or taking out the garbage again. Marriage is a team sport. Got to always think of both of you. Compromise and communication and understanding.

Yes, it is definitely a chore--and I still do this too. Often, it's at work when I'll say too much to a customer at the register--never anything "bad" or "inappropriate"--maybe just a positive comment about what they're buying: "Oh, I use this too" or something like that. I think they either dismiss it or ignore me completely (although I have gotten a few strange looks), or actually engage me in conversation too...so maybe it's not that bad. Still, I can hear my inner voice yelling "STIFLE!"

I do this with people I'm close to, also--some are okay with it, some not. Some say I'm talking over them when (from my perspective) it feels like the opposite--not sure who's "right" at any given time.

Sweet Pea hugs

I am mostly barely verbal with most people.
But with some like my cousin who is my age, I can be very talkative.
And the fact that I am not usually talkative means I can really unload on him.
But since we have been together our whole lives he can get away with putting
his hand over my mouth or just say "you're doing it again". Sometimes i get a
little pissed. But really I need to be told to stop and the thing i have to train myself
on is to not get a chip on my shoulder when that happens.

I can't be 'normal' in social situations, though I don't usually get into a lot of social situations with normal NT people not really my crowd. I'd much rather hang out with other unusual or at least open minded people such as most of my brothers friends I've met. But yes I think it can be said I'd fail if in a situation with normal people.

I don't know how to be "normal" and don't care if I am. I rejected the idea of being "normal" long ago. To me normal meant being boring and conforming to what everyone else thought or did regardless of your own interests.

I don't know how to "be normal" and no one ever told me how to. I don't get what's "normal" according to people so I can't even try to be. I just know what's normal according to myself and that is being me.
My friend Christine and many other teens I know say they refuse to be normal because that's boring and being just like everybody else. I don't understand that because I don't know what's "normal" and I don't know what's boring with being just like everybody else. I just have the feel that people who say they refuse to be normal even if they could just want to impress others with their being different, but they don't get that they're being just like everyoby else because pretty much everyone nowdays seems to dislike "normality" and pretends to be "different" and "random" and that's dumb because some people I know have avoided doing things they would have liked to do because they were "too mainstream" or "too normal".
I don't care if people consider what I do or like "normal" or not. I know I like mainstream things, like Naruto, but I don't care if many other people like it and that doesn't prevent me from liking it. I just don't get other people's desire not to conform. I don't care if I conform or not. I don't try hard to be "different" or "normal" because I can just be myself.

i do not need to try to be normal.
i am what i am.
if i am not normal then that is natural.

Inwardly, I am not "normal" at all--which, strangely enough, I think I have to come to terms with all over again...been feeling a bit unsure of myself lately--that is, my ability to function everyday.

I have to pretend (what I call "shapeshifting") in order to hold down my jobs: one involves interaction with the public all the time (cashiering at Walmart); the other, a lot of organization and scheduling (teaching 3 courses online), as well as textual interaction (and I make myself available for office hours, even though most students don't request this).

I need to find a better balance....