Getting over it

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Thing is I really wanted to preserve the friendship but looking back at all the things they did and how they manipulated me I just know I shouldn't. They strung me along for a long time then they just cut me loose. I don't want them to come back but it's really lonely right now, when I'm lonely here in the middle of the night I don't know what to do. They were a really bad person who thinks and says things to make them seem nice. I want to move to California but because they live there I don't even have the nerve to look at it as a possible home anymore. They just really messed me over and right now it hurts. If they don't come back it will be too soon. If they do come back I feel I have to send them away. Right now at this juncture in my life I don't need this. I didn't need them to do this to me and since I have no IRL friends and no job I can't go do the things I need to get over this either. I'm so brainsmashed right now I just want to yell at them and tell them everything they did wrong and how they used me and manipulated my feelings to suit themselves. They claim to care but don't truly care at all.

I think it is a good thing that you posted here at the haven instead of contacting her. As bad as it feels right now, having any kind of contact with her will make you feel ten times worse. You'll feel better as time passes. Try not to spend all your time obsessing about this.

Been 4 days now. I spammed for a long time being aspie... but 4 days and all I can feel is intense anger with her. Just my head is screwed up still and she's a horrid person for what she did. I find myself wanting to make her pay for it, but I'm not that person anymore. I'm fighting the urge to just do something really mean and hurtful to make her suffer some more. But that requires contact.