Slipping through the cracks.

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A couple of moths ago, my psychiatric RN practitioner prescribed me Tegretal as a mood stabilizer.

A week later, blisters covered my body, so I left her a voicemail and I stopped taking it.

I left her another voicemail the next week.

I have yet to hear back from her.

She is the only person in my county who is willing to treat me. I once tried to pay a real psychiatrist for services out of my own wallet, but he told me that it would be illegal for him to do that because I have a Medicare card. So, even if I pay out of my own wallet, the fact that I have Medicare severely limits my options.

I have been seeing this practitioner for years. I tell her all of my concerns, just so she could nod her head, dismiss every word that comes out of my mouth, write the same damn prescriptions every time before getting me out of her office in less than five minutes and telling me to see her again in three months.

I may as well off myself. Getting my medication situation squared away is impossible under these circumstances. I am just going to fall through the cracks no matter what I do. I have tried to advocate for myself. All that happens is that my words get dismissed completely.

What doesn't kill, you makes you stronger.

Sometimes I wonder if my doctor is even listening to me. I started off with Risperdal 0.5 mg every day. I told her it wasn't working so she upped it to 1mg. I told her I was still depressed so she upped it to 2mg. I want to tell her I still feel depressed but I have a feeling she'll just up it to 3mg. I decided to make an appointment to see a therapist thinking that might help. My doctor never recommended one, and I don't know why. Maybe she doesn't believe it is helpful or maybe she doubts I'm even depressed. I don't know. These health practitioners are hard to read sometimes.

Well, there are a couple of people in my life who are willing to advocate for me in this case. The practitioner will not listen to me because she knows I have mental illness issues, and therefore that makes my words invalid in her opinion. She might listen to my therapist, however.