feeling like my life is going nowhere

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I just feel like I need to rant\ get my worries out.

I'm nearly 30 and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have no goals for my future. People have goals of buying a house and having a family, but I don't. I have never lived on my own and I feel like I've never been truly self sufficient. I can barely keep on top of the few bills I have. I don't know why I spend my extra money on my interests instead of paying bills. I don't have any career goals, I try hard to just keep my current crappy job.
I truly believe that if I didn't have my friends and family, I would end up homeless.

I need to go see a doctor about a problem with my leg, but I still owe his office money and am anxious about them being mad that I have missed some payments. Before, they said they needed me to make a payment before I could schedule an appointment.

I got a car from my friend in September, and I have yet to register it with the DMV because....... I'm not sure why. In Missouri, you have to pay your personal property tax before you can register a car, and I've moved around so much recently, I don't know in what counties I need to pay taxes. I understand that it really is a simple thing to do, but I find it VERY hard to get myself to do it.
Stuff like this has gotten me into legal trouble before on several occasions. I forget to do something, realize it, have anxiety about being late on something and end up not doing anything about it until I get into trouble for it

I don't know how I can not do something while understand that there will be consequences for it, and still just "stick my head in the sand" and ignore it.

I hate not being able to have meaningful conversations with people about things that are not one of my interests. I hate not being able to open up to people in person and only being able to really express myself to someone through text or when I'm quite drunk. There's no way that I could say all this to someone when I'm face to face with them. I'm starting to realize that I really, really should be talking to a therapist, (not just because I suspect I have AS) because I'm starting to realize that these problems are definitely affecting my life in a negative way.

Ever since someone suggested that I may have aspergers, and when I found out that my best friend had, for years, thought I may have AS, and because I've scored pretty high on all of the online autism\AS "tests" and after remembering that AS was mentioned as a possibility after a psych eval in the military, I've been obsessing over it literally daily for two years. Even though I'm desperate to know for sure, I can't get myself to actually go to a specialist to know for sure because I have so much f***ing anxiety about interacting with someone on such a personal level that would be required for an ASD assessment.

I'm worried about the fact that I really hope I get an AS diagnosis. I quite often worry about how, in my mind, I've already integrated aspergers into my personal identity even though I don't know for sure that I even have it. Just going by the DSM criteria, there may be a good chance that I would get a diagnosis because I do for the most part (from my perspective) fit the criteria.

If I were assessed, and it was determined that I probably don't have AS, I don't know what I would do. Right now, I keep going back and forth between being pretty sure I have AS and having serious doubts about it. Just that is causing a bit of an identity crisis. I think that I would feel much worse if I got assessed and they said they don't think I'm on the spectrum. The fact that I would be very upset that I may not really on the spectrum worries me too. Often I worry that I'm making it all up in my head because I subconsciously want to have AS. Reading threads like the "I Want My Autism" thread in the general section really enhances these feelings and makes me worry more that this may really be the case.

On the other hand, exploring the possibility that I am on the spectrum has been one of the most important events in my life. It set into motion a long period of deep introspection that has done me a lot of good. I understand myself so much better now and am more comfortable with my differences in spite of the fact that I may be wrong about having AS.

Rant over. Off to get very, very drunk at a new years get together.

Just tackle it one step at a time. You've dealt with so much already and sound overwhelmed. Just pick the first step you'd like to accomplish, and forget the rest for now. Happy New Year and a fresh start. It'll root for you.

The "I want my autism" thread had a point. But made it seem like there is something wrong with wanting to fit in, wanting to feel normal.

And there isn't anything wrong with wanting that. Nothing at all.

I was just like that when I was your age. I had even graduated from college and it still didn't seem I was making any progress, with career or anything else. Just find one thing to improve on first and then just keep working at improving one thing at a time. It may help to start learning to budget your money first of all. That way you have the money to start being self sufficient, then you could pay the doctor, and accomplish other things.

Decided to make a resolution to tackle some of these things this year. Short term goals are to get my car registered and to get my doctor bill paid off and to get my leg checked out.

My biggest goal for this year is to scrounge up the courage to go see a psychiatrist about my problems and to have an ASD screening. One of the things that I still find weird is that I'm really afraid that I won't get the ASD Dx. I feel like the fact I feel that way may not be such a good thing.

I'm gonna ask my best friend to help me with my goals even though I kinda feel weird asking her for help for some of the more trivial things.