I ran myself ragged for them

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They said I had so much potential, and maybe that is true.
They said I could do it, so I tried. They convinced me that I could do it, too.
I told them that I needed their help. They said they would help.
And so it began.

At first, they did help, or so I thought.
They had me diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety, and I was put on medicine.
I was able to focus for hours, and I had so much energy, so I tried harder.
They hired someone to test me, to see if I was worthy.
That someone worked with me every week and sometimes more. She did all of the things I couldn't do myself.
She found people who would agree to let me try to work.
She was the reason I was able to do everything, but it was very difficult.
She was the one, not the drugs, not the chance. I could not do it alone.

They said I could handle it. She said I could handle it. I did everything they said.
I handled it. Then her time was up and we stopped meeting.
I lost my concentration and focus. I felt myself getting weaker.
I asked them for help.They said I was fine. They even had me go to college.

I got weaker and weaker. I asked for help every day. I knew my health was slipping away.
They said I could do it. They said I was fine every time.

Weak, tired, and in pain, I could not lift a single book. I could not take one more step.
I knew that if I stopped that I would never catch up.
I told them I was going to give up. They told me I couldn't quit. I did.
When they found out, I could tell they felt betrayed. I was the one who had been betrayed!
I was left alone. I was ignored. I had nowhere to turn. No one would help.

Now I rest and recuperate, and contemplate.
Had it been all my fault? I knew something was wrong. What could I have done?
I stopped the anxiety medicine. I felt mostly the same. I became able to feel deep sadness.
After ten long years, I had hoped so much for a new start, but it wasn't meant to be.
Now, back in the familiar chair, in the familiar room of solitude I sit.
Waiting for another chance. Calling out for help more than ever.

Who will hear my pleas? Who will answer my calls?
All I can do now is wait in this pitiful state of undeath.
Waiting for the one who will help me live once more.
I could do so much, remember? Please don't leave me here. I want to do so much more.
Hold me up. Don't let me fade away. Don't let me crumble. Don't let me die.

Thats a beautifully written bittersweet description, thank you for sharing it .

nice read. I am soo sorry, if it is true. some peoples lives are a breeze. obviously yours is not. mine never was either. it reads like people tried to turn you into something that you are not, and that is sad. nobody knows you, and your potential better than you. "normal" people made me know that I am truly alone in the universe, and if it is to be, it is up to me. sad, but true. sometimes help, is not really help. I think you figured that out the hard way. sounds to me like you tried harder than everyone in your story. that is the best you can do. weather you are smarter, or better, or not, that is what impeccable warrior's do. keep going, don't stop. use patience when you need to, and hit things head on when you are ready. doing things the way normal people do is not going to work for you. you are obviously going to need to find your own way. if it means that much to you, take those books home. screw school. in time, you just may know more than everyone about any particular subject. make your way. bag groceries if you need to, or whatever. that's all I can say about that. sorry I cannot help you more.

Wow, they are right about your potential, and about college, if that's what you want, your poem (?) is so beautiful, conveys so much feeling that resonates through and through about loss, aloneness, disconnection and connection and the value, or not, of ignoring long term for now.

And if you got help that let you try things, they might not have been all the way right for you, and I'm not trying to minimize your loss, of the other person or of yourself, but selfishly, I want more of what you write. And seems like that will take you being supported, by the same agency or someone else. Tell them yes I can do something here is what I need and what can you do to help me get it. When you are able to, even if that takes awhile.

Meanwhile, I hope you keep writing.

Oh wow, thanks for the very nice compliments.

I don't know what happened, I just started writing at 2am and that came out. I'm not really a writer...