Having my nose rubbed in it at work

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The environment at work has become difficult lately.

I sit opposite three youngsters less than half my age, two guys and a girl. They are obviously enjoying life and are loud and sociable and flirting with one another. I feel miserable because I'm being tormented by having to look at them all day.

I realise that I sound like a rotten miserable sod but I can't help how I feel. I know that there are many, many people who are in a worse situation than I am and I'd happily choose my autism over a number of other disabling conditions any day. Nevertheless I can't help feeling that a part of my life was stolen from me and having my nose rubbed in it (as it were) by having to look at what I never had every day at work is difficult to bear.

When I'm away from work it's easier to rationalise my position and keep my chin up.

Being exposed to it every day is grinding me down though.

Am I a mean person? What would you do?

No you are not a mean person.

Have you worked there long?

I don't quite understand what you are feeling. Do you envy them, or does seeing them just remind you that your life is not what you want it to be?

I find it helps to remind myself that we all have different 'gifts' or 'blessings' – and that other people might have an easier time of socializing, but I have my own gifts that make me happy.

I know "count your blessings" probably seems like pointless advice – especially when the whole problem is that you weren't given even the normal 'blessings' that everyone else takes for granted. But I have to say that in my absolute worst times, it's what has helped me the most.

Also, I've adopted a different approach to "seeing your glass as half full" – since when compared to other people's glasses, my own is only maybe a tenth full. So I've decided that my glass is 100% full – and that air counts, and is more important than water in a lot of ways. (You can live for a day without water, but only a few minutes without air!)

As autistics, I think a lot of our blessings are internal, and invisible. We are fascinated by our special interests, in a way that NTs can't understand. We just have different things that make us happy, and we have to focus on the things that do make us happy, rather than the things that don't!

That more or less ties into his envy.

Thanks to everyone who's replied.

I've been at this job for about 6 years but it's only in the last year that the young people have arrived - they came as a kind of "job lot" for one particular project



It's a bit of both really. It's impossible to ignore them because they are directly in front of me and one of them at least makes an awful lot of noise and throws a ball about (which drives me up the wall).

The noisy one isn't nasty or aggressive but pretty much decides the agenda for conversation - if he likes it, it's OK, otherwise the topic will be instantly changed. He likes... football and can talk for six hours a day about it. Other staff in the office (including people senior to him) take their cue on what's acceptable to talk about from him.

One of the other young whippersnappers is handsome and fairly well off. He's pretty sullen and rarely speaks but nonetheless has a woman old enough to be his mum chasing after him. This never happened/happens to me for whatever reason. It's depressing to have to look right at this all day.

I sometimes have those feelings at work. What I do is focus on myself--on trying to do a good job and not make any social blunders.

I don't think you are a bad person for feeling this way.