Why did I have to screw up again??! !

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Why is it that I'm nice to people at college and at the youth club but I'm not to my own family??! ! Just why??! ! Why am I more selfish to them than I am to my friends? Why am I seemingly ignorant of the things that go on and what I do to upset them??! ! I've made everyone cross yet again and haevn't even gotten into one of those shouting arguements like I did laset time!! Now I'm scared to go downstairs again cause I know I've screwed up yet again!! !! !! It had to happen at some point, I just knew it!! It's always inevitable!! And I know sorry won't work, no matter how hard I try. What can I do??! !

Maybe you are nice to people at youth club because your acceptance is conditional. Maybe your family drives you nuts because you always have to act a certain way, whereas at youth club you can act in whatever manner feels right. Maybe you worry too much about not screwing up, which causes you to screw up. If I knew you better, I'd be able to answer your question better.

I agree as I'm more nicer to strangers and my Dad and his friends than my mother's side of the family, seeing how she abandoned me at the age of twenty two I certainly hope that English Jesse isn't going through the same thing I'm going through with my mom and her family :/

I worry too much about doing things correctly which causes me to over-think ...

I'm that way with my parents - it's nothing bad. You're around them all the time and likely, don't relate to them very well on a social level and they just drive you crazy.. or, to a similar point.

Amongst peers, when you get mad and shout at them, when you're selfish towards them, there's a very good chance they will never talk to you again. Parents have no choice.

There are two old sayings that describe your predicament:
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Basically, we tend to treat people who we're around more often with less carefulness and respect than those we are not.
It's completely normal.

I'm not sure there's a fix for it though, other than distance and time.
Best of luck to you.

This is quite common believe it or not. You don't have to be accepted by people inside your home nor do you have to put an effort into getting to know them because you've lived with them your whole life. People on the outside are the opposite of this. They are something new and interesting and they are people that CAN reject you and avoid you hence why you instinctively have a different attitude towards them.

I do not know what you can do to improve this since I've no details or have any idea of your family dynamics. I would suggest though that you could benefit from getting to know your parents... as human beings rather than just 'parents'. Sit down with your mom one day and ask her to tell you about when she was young..her school stuff, college, university, work, etc. You may be surprised on what you learn.

As my favorite author wrote on his masterpiece:

"There is probably no more terrible instance of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man — with human flesh."

(Frank Herbert, DUNE).