Ableism rears it's ugly head...

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/beginrant

So my employer/landlord bangs on my door at 11pm last Sunday night and demands I answer her email requesting a meeting Monday within an hour.
This after being told, more than once, that it would really upset me if she knocked on my door in the middle of the might asking about work stuff.
Predictably, this made the whole thing incredibly aversive for me, so instead of answering her email around 12am and working the rest of the night/morning, like I had planned, I was stuck engaging in my special interests for about a day and a half to calm down and get back to it.

Because the work I was going to do and the meeting on Monday would have covered this month's rent, and because she's impatient, she posts a pay or quit notice and threatens to have my car towed.
This, of course, prevents any further work from being done and leads to a downhill exchange of emails and texts between us.

When I explain that my reactions were because I'm autistic, that I have no control over them, and that I had told her that and explained the things that really bother me and cause me problems, which she has consistently chosen to ignore, she said that I was using my autism as an excuse too much.

F*ck that ableist b*tch!! !! !! !! !

It's not an excuse, it's an impediment to almost everything I do in my life that I stuggle with daily, and her choice not to believe that just because I'm high functioning and can act 'normal' at times is nothing but ableist bigotry.

Basically she's calling me a lazy liar, like all the other people in my life over the years who have blamed me for things I have almost no control over whatsoever just because for them and their allistic/NT friends & family those things are non-problematic.
I'm so f*cking fed up with that BS.

I make such an effort to educate people on the simple ways they can avoid upsetting me in our interactions, on what I need to function properly, and about the fact that I only ever get things done in my own time, on my own schedule.
They claim to believe me and understand and then act in the exact opposite manner that belief and understanding would indicate they should, and then blame/punish me for the consequences of their actions.
LIARS & BIGOTS!! !! !! !! !
/endrant

If anyone on here has had similar experiences, and I know that some of you folks have, I'd love to hear about them.
Misery loves company.

having an employer also be your landlord is the worst of all possible worlds.

I know, and quite frankly I was worried something like this would happen when I agreed to the whole thing, but it didn't seem like I had any better options at the time.
I was probably wrong about that, but sometimes it's difficult for me to see that sort of thing when I'm in the moment.
I've been kicking myself about it ever since.

Live & learn...

I would get out of that situation, ASAP. I know all too well what it's like to have a toxic relationship with a landlord figure (in my case, my stepmother)... It's not fun at all. Now, a stepmother would theoretically be different than an "employer", but the way my stepmother ran things, she basically expected myself and her children to be her worker bees, willing to serve at the tip of a hat.

In my head it was all "do this, do that", and I didn't like a lot of the busywork she made us do. She eventually got that I wasn't going to put up with her the way her children did, but she didn't let up until I decided I couldn't take it anymore, and moved out.

Now, the only people I'm really working for are my bosses at work, and they PAY me.

I don't think it's ableism.. I think that person is just genuinely a dick. What kind of person knocks on someone's door at midnight for something like that? Even if you weren't autistic that'd be annoying.

Thanks for the replies!
I feel heard.

@886: To clarify, I'm not saying that the banging (not knocking, she banged on the door loudly), on my door at 11pm was ableism.
What was ableism was her saying I use my autism as an excuse when in fact it causes major problems with my ability to function which I stuggle with constantly and which her actions exacerbated.
Saying that i'm using it as an excuse implies that my problems with withdrawing from contact and not being able to work, i.e. functionality, are a choice when in fact they're something I basically have no control over.
It's like saying someone is gay by choice, and just as bigoted imho.
Moreover, it's the most common form of prejudice against HFA/AS types like myself who appear 'normal' much of the time.
We're often accused of being lazy, and then of being liars when we try to explain that our issues with getting things done are a result of our neurological condition and not a choice we're making to be lazy.
It's a prejudice I've faced much of my adult life (I was diagnosed at 20, but before then I just accepted the criticisms and truly believed that I was just a crazy, anti-social, lazy slob with an overactive mind).
I agree, though, that banging on my door at 11pm in an attempt to force me to answer an email about a work meeting the next day was a really b*tchy thing for her to do in general and that pretty much anyone would react badly to something like that, autistic or not.
I can't for the life of me understand why she thought that would be acceptable.
Especially considering a couple days earlier I specifically said that I'd be upset if she knocked on my door and demanded to talk about work stuff.
In that light is her behavior an example of someone being passive-aggressive?

@mr_bigmouth_502: I intend to, as soon as the check my mom sent arrives and I can arrange for a place to crash for a few days, a place to store my stuff, a truck to move it, and possibly some help doing so since it's a lot, it's heavy (I have a lot of books), and I'm still injured from the last time I moved it.
I was, in fact, geting paid for this job, it's just that part, though not all, of the pay was trade for rent.

Now, to walk a mile so I can get my car from the public parking lot it's in so it doesn't get towed from there.
I'll have to put it back there in 6 or 7 hours and then walk back to ensure she doesn't try to have it towed from the visitor parking spaces by the house like she's threatened.
I think I broke a bone in my left foot last time I moved and it really hurts when I walk that far, but I don't feel like I have any other choice, and at least doing it only one leg at a time I can reduce the amount of pain. *sigh*

Edit: Mission accomplished. God my foot hurts. Got stopped by the cops on the way there for walking at night, which while not a crime is apparently suspicious enough that I get stopped when I do so sometimes. They offered to give me a ride, but wanted to do a pat down first so I refused because a. I don't like being touched and b. the last time a cop gave me a pat down he reached into my pants and touched my junk 'cause I don't wear underwear.